


It was just one time, now it's forever

by MarieMaknae23



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Falling In Love, Jaebum is a douchebag, Love Triangles, M/M, Mpreg, POV First Person, Smut, Twins, Unplanned Pregnancy, multiple pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2018-10-28 03:50:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 57,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10823151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarieMaknae23/pseuds/MarieMaknae23
Summary: When entering college I had many expectations about my new life, I practially had everything planned. I was going to live alone, I was going to study what I loved the most, I was really far away from my hometown and it was Seoul University, one of the best schools in one of the cities with all the characteristics of a big, modern city.Certainly, getting pregnant in the first weeks wasn't among those expectations and plans."But...but...I can't be pregnant..." I babbled, running a hand through my hair "I mean...it was just one time!"





	1. The day we met

**Author's Note:**

> My second mpreg of all times!  
> And I'm actually kind of proud of it (sorry not sorry I guess) I just love this story so much I hope you too can appreciate it!

Choi Youngjae POV

“ _Finally, college”_ I thought to myself, inhaling my first campus air…well, it wasn’t what I expected; it smelled of pine, fresh cut grass and the whole air had a slight smell of smoke, well…it was supposed to be a different environment to the town where I was born and raised, but I refused to die there so that was my reason for studying hard so I could get accepted at Seoul University and after much stress, tears, frustration, coffee cups, headaches and a first exam failed, finally I was there, being this totally silly, clumsy and innocent boy from Mokpo with a great passion for music and singing.

I adjusted the strap of my backpack and looked around so I could find the apartment complex where it was supposed to be my apartment, thank God I had been able to afford one of those apartments near the campus when you had to live with other people who were practically assigned to you, I didn’t have to share kitchen and bathroom with the rest of the dorm, but rather with three more people, well…three was better than twenty or something.

I stopped to look at a map of the campus and let out a sigh when I realized that I still had much to walk to reach de apartments. A tall boy with a suitcase even bigger than mine stood beside me, he wore some pretty fancy sunglasses and was panting and breathing heavily from dragging his suitcase under the strong sunlight at ten o’clock in august.

“Freshman?” he asked me with an accent I didn’t recognized.

“Yeah” I answered, looking up and down the thin boy with a bright sandy hair.

“Would you like to get lost in this huge universe together? I still don’t know where the dorms are” he asked me, sighing when he saw our position in the map “My name’s Kunpimook.”

“Wait, what?” I asked, somewhat surprised by his name so peculiar on obviously foreigner, I didn’t even think I was going to be able to pronounce it “Where are you from?”

“Thailand” he said, starting to walk down the long road that was supposed to take us to the apartment complex, he pulled his suitcase with great effort “And you? Local?”

“You could say so” I smiled, scratching behind my ear “I’m from Mokpo, the coast” I replied, somewhat embarrassed, following him down the path that seemed endless “What are you majoring? How long have you been in Korea? Why did you choose this college?” yes, maybe I seemed like a stalker with so many questions, but I was quite curious and let’s just say that I was, almost, never shy to spoke with other people and I was pretty excited as he was the first person who spoke to me on the campus…or in Seoul in general.

“I came here because my mom is obsessed with Korean culture, she even owns Korean restaurants in Bangkok” he rolled his eyes, sweat dripped down his nose” and I don’t know…it’s interesting exploring other cultures and countries” he shrugged and adjusted the sunglasses that were sliding down due to the sweat “Oh, by the way, you can call me BamBam, I think saying Kunpimook it’s kind of hard for you…or for everyone in this country in general” we both laughed “I’m going to major in fashion design, and you?”

“Well, I can say that you are a fashionista, I should have guessed” despite we were in the middle of the summer, it was hot as hell and the sun was in full swing he didn’t seem to want to take off his, apparently expensive, jacket that was made of some kind of velvet, or I don’t know, I was never interested in fashion so I wasn’t an expert in recognizing fabrics “I’ll major in music and theatre.”

“And do you have talent?” he wondered.

“I think I do, I mean, I got my second chance thanks to an audition besides of the exam” I shrugged “Great! This is my building!” I exclaimed when we reached the seven-story building with a G on it.

“This is mine too…perhaps…?”

“707!” we said in unison and laughed as excited ladies, I tried to laugh as normal as I could, I didn’t know if the foreigner was ready for my powerful laugh.

Without talking much due to the fatigue of dragging our suitcases for almost the entire campus we took the elevator to the seventh floor, the top floor, watching the movement of the other freshmen who came to their new homes and how they were dispersing here and there, talking to their new neighbors with fake smiles and sweat of nervousness accumulating under their armpits.  

“I heard the apartments are for four people” I said, seeing our bedroom door was ajar “I wonder who is going to be our other roommates.”

We walked in a little leery and I was amazed with the room, I thought it’ll be something rickety and small, but it was pretty standard in fact, there was a small living room that could barely fit a love seat and a desk that was in front of  a sliding door that led to a small balcony and also served as a window; the kitchen was small but had a stove and refrigerator so that was enough for me; there was just one bedroom where they piled up two bunk beds, a desk and a drawer were in between them, if you sat in the desk you could admire,  through the slightly grimy window, the mountains that were behind the campus and part of the city; the bathroom only had the toilet and the shower, the sink was outside. Tight, but strangely cozy, and it was enough to satisfy the needs of four young adults that were beginning their college careers, well, maybe not all the needs as we shared one bedroom.

“Great, my roommates!” a voice exclaimed from the door and we both turned to see a tall guy standing in the doorway with a big box in his hands, he was quite tall actually, he was smiling broadly highlighting his chubby cheeks and her perfectly white teeth, he seemed like a grown baby “My name is Kim Yugyeom.”

“Hi! I’m BamBam and he’s Youngjae” the Thai said.

“Cool, by the way, I got in here maybe an hour and half ago so I took one of the top bunks, is that okay?” he asked, walking into the small room, in the box he was carrying it was showing a Pokemon blanket.

“No problem for me…as long as I have the other top bunk!” I almost screamed and threw my backpack quickly in the said bed, I heard BamBam’s complaint and the somewhat evil laugh from Yugyeom “I’m sorry, I’ve never had bunk beds in my house, but when I was in summer camp with the soccer team they always left me the lower bunk as I was the youngest” I scrunched my nose.

“How old are you?” Yugyeom asked, who had already settled, almost lovingly, his blanker on now was putting a few stuffed animals of Squirtle and Pikachu in his bed.

“Ahm…I’m nineteen, I fell behind a bit because I didn’t got in the first time I did the exam” I grimaced and went to my suitcase, looking around to see where the hell we were supposed to put away our clothes.

“And we have been talking to you informally, you should have said it early, hyung” Yugyeom said, seeing with satisfaction the work he had done on his bed “I feel like this year is going to be awesome, no parents, no annoying siblings, we are practically adults” he sighed dramatically and took a bunch of underwear from his suitcase “yup, totally awesome.”

We made a general murmur of assent and everyone returned to their own thing, unpacking and trying to make that little place homely and cozy as much as possible in the tight space we had for all three.

Thank goodness my roommates seemed nice, they were both eighteen but Yugyeom was a bit younger than BamBam for months and that made the Thai very happy, he apparently liked a lot the seniority system and that the younger had to obey their older demands without question.

I thought I had brought very few things from home, but still it took us most of the afternoon to accommodate our clothes in the small closet and drawer we have been provided with, but there was almost no functionality in this case since BamBam brought more clothes and shoes than Yugyeom and me together, but as our fourth roommate hadn’t come in yet we ended up agreeing to use the lower bunk bed that was left as a provisional closet just for BamBam.

It was almost eight o’clock when everyone laid down in their respective bed, completely exhausted from the moving in. I planned to take a long nap, or rather sleep until the next day because I had woken up too early, but my roommates seemed to have other ideas in mind.

“Do you guys want to go and grab some dinner?” Yugyeom suggested, looking something on his cellphone “Or let’s go look for a welcoming party.”

“I agree with dining out, but I don’t think so about the party” I pursed my lips when I took another look at my schedule “I have class at seven o’clock everyday” I sighed regretfully, I had never been a morning person and after waking up early all my early school years I thought I’ll had more time to sleep in this new stage of my life but…nonsense.

“Call” BamBam said, and began to rummage through their newly unpacked things, looking at his shirts and his show boxes.

“What are you doing?” Yugyeom asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Just looking for something nice to wear, let me just get changed” I looked at him astonished, I thought the dark skinny jeans ripped at the knees and his button-down dress shirt with a floral design was way too nice…then, judging by his own definition of nice, my baggy and ripped jeans (ripped because of being too old and worn out) and my extra-large t-shirt were rags.

“Are you serious?” the younger asked “We are just going to the nearest restaurant!”

“But you never know who’ll you see, or who’ll you meet, or who girls are going to see you!” he shrugged, pulling a black button-down.

“It’s our first day here” I clicked my tongue wearily.

“You found love at any time” he said dramatically.

Twenty minutes later BamBam finally considered him he was well dress up, and we were ready to go but then he saw the clothes we were planning on going out so he spent another twenty minutes with each one to change our clothes to something more nice with the clothes he could salvage from our wardrobe, so it was almost nine o’clock when he considered were decent enough to go out with him and by that time we were totally starving and in a bad mood.  

We didn’t have in mind to attend a party, but to our surprise the apartment in front of ours had its door wide open and it could be seen a lot of people crowding the small apartment and arranging everything to what it seemed to be a welcoming party. In the entrance there were two guys that were talking eagerly in English, people who passed by them greeted them enthusiastically so I figured they were the inhabitants of the apartment, in which you couldn’t fit more than five people in but that place had at least ten or fifteen and some more were beginning to crowd the hall, like if everyone on the seventh floor were invited, well, all but us.

“Hey, freshmen?” suddenly the shortest of the two guys in the front door asked when he realized our presence. He had quite broad shoulders and had a deep raspy voice, he also had an accent, but as we heard them talking in English a few minutes ago it was clear he was a foreigner too “We never had freshmen on this floor, well…since we all got in here, this floor is almost entirely seniors “he told to the tallest guy, both of them were blonde, just that one was short and well built-up and his hair was more platinum blonde and the other was tall and thin and his hair was more yellowish.

“Maybe Taekwoon hyung and Hakyeon hyung went to find something better for…you know…” the taller said and the shorter nodded like realizing something “but it was obvious we weren’t going to enjoy our exclusivity forever.”

“Hello then, new neighbors” the shorter greeted us “My name is Jackson Wang and he’s Mark Tuan, hope to get along and that we don’t cause too much trouble mutually” he smiled at us “Well, although I think the first trouble is a small…” he looked around the hall full of people “well, not so small party.”

“Oh, it’s okay, don’t worry” BamBam said, it seemed that his eyes glistened for a moment when he realized he was going to be neighbor with another foreigners “My name is BamBam, he’s Yugyeom and Youngjae, we all just got here.”

“Well, welcome” Mark said with a small grin, but still that smile made him look so attractive that I tried so hard not to stare at him, although I’m sure I failed miserably.

The boy was too attractive that I couldn’t help staring at him, he had such fine features and his skin was so white and perfect it looked like it was made from porcelain, the boy didn’t even have a pimple or any acne scars, God…what would I give to have a skin as perfect as that, or be that handsome, or, because of my preferences, a boyfriend as handsome as that. 

I had spent most of my adolescence thinking that girls would never be attractive enough for me, they all seemed the same for me, they all were loud, always worrying about useless things that didn’t make any sense to me, I never got aroused by some of the girls with bigger boobs bouncing down the stairs like my other classmates or I never fantasized about my female teachers like all boys my age did, for me it just seemed that all girls agreed just to be empty and always worry about their hair or make up; I even kind of resigned that I was going to be single my entire life…or so I thought until Kim Taehyung came into my life and discovered my true preferences and why I never liked girls.

He was a year older than me and transferred to my school right at the beginning of the school year when I became a junior, so he was a senior he was also the talk of everyone. He was the new kid, coming from Seoul to our town, handsome, weird, rebellious and a senior; he won fame among the girls for being such a flirtatious guy and rumors said that he had lost his virginity to an older girl and he was constantly seen smoking outside the school after class, and other thousands stories about him that I never found out they were true or not.

Long story short, Kim Taehyung was the typical seventeen year old boy, rebellious and of course handsome as hell, that’s why when we began meeting each other in the music room after school and after that we became being friends I couldn’t believe it.

I wasn’t in the least, popular, handsome or smart, I was just an ordinary lonely game addict boy; no one bullied me but neither I had a thousand friends, I was just considered the junior boy that one day surprised everyone for my ability to sing, but the excitement of the news only lasted a few weeks and I returned to be a normal boy who liked to sing at all hours at every moment, and that seemed it was the reason he was interested in me and started following me around until we began talking to each other. He always told me my voice was able to transport him to unimaginable places and feel a lot of things when I sang with my heart and as he didn’t sang bad at all we frequently made duets in which we would pour our soul in them, being surprised as how is low voice coupled with my high notes so perfectly and suddenly, from one day to another, I realized I had this high-school-girl secret crush on him, or at least I thought it was secret because the whole school knew that I had this one-sided love with my best friend (and I suppose the whole school knowing had to do with the fact that I turned all kinds of red whenever we had some kind of skin ship) and if the whole school knew I was in love with him of course Taehyung knew and, finally, he gave me my first kiss, ever, on the last day of school, behind the bleachers on the gym.  

After that kiss we dated for a three weeks and those were the best three weeks of my entire sixteen years of life. I finally felt complete, loved and above all happy and madly in love but, to my bad luck, my good luck never lasted long and that time wasn’t the exception either as Taehyung had to go back to Seoul as he was been accepted in Seoul University and he desperately wanted to leave that “pigsty that his parents had brought him into”, I could not object or whine about his decisions, I didn’t even tried to convince him otherwise because I also wanted to escape from that place, even if it was my home, so I fully respected his decisions without caring about the pain I felt and we made the promise that we would meet each other again so I had to study hard to get in Seoul U, but…three years had passed and I had lost all contact with him, so I want so sure about our reunion, but I always cherished the last night we were together where I got carried away by his touch and my lowest passions.

He was the only one who kissed me, the only one who knew who I truly was and he also was the first person to ever touch me in a more intimate way, and, until that moment, the only one. 

“Youngjae hyung, they are inviting us to stay, what do you think?” BamBam asked me, apparently he already had clicked with the other foreigners meanwhile I was drooling for Mark and remembering my last night with Taehyung.

“Well, I’m still hungry” I complained and to confirm my sentence my stomach grumbled “You can stay at the party, I’ll go and buy some groceries to survive for a few days until we agree how we are going to manage everything” I shrugged, seeing the sudden excitement of the younger ones at being invited to one of the famous college parties.

“Yah, we need ice!” a voice behind Mark and Jackson said and another guy went out, giving a punch on Jackson’s shoulder.

“We were just going to get it” the punched one replied.

“And you stood here chattering like an old lady” the new boy said and realized our presence as I his striking appearance.

He was tall and somewhat tan, he wore a black tank top that really showed up his muscular arms, his jeans hugged tightly around his thick thighs, his black Converse and tousled hazel hair gave him a relaxed look, the piercings on his ears and his snake bites finished his apparent bad boy look, I counted four on his right ear and three on his left, that boy should really love pain if he got that many. I realized that I kept staring at is glorious biceps with my mouth slightly open so hurried to close it and look in the eyes of the newcomer, I found cute the two miles he had above his left eye and when he smiled at us I found it adorable because he had an amazing eye smile, it gave it a cute touch to all that rudeness he showed with so many piercings and muscular body.  

“They’re the guys who moved in front” Mark presented us “He’s Jaebum, the coordinator of the floor and organizer of this event, well…most of it.”

“What’s up? Welcome, I’ll give you the floor rules later, let’s have fun today” he greeted us quickly and turned again to Jackson “and yes, I’m the organizer that wants you to bring the ice you were supposed to bring half an hour ago.”

“Coming, coming” the aforementioned said, fixing his hair and putting on a snapback that read WANG in gold letters, well…this boy surely was enjoying that his last named meant “King”.

“I’m on my way there…I don’t know if you want me to bring it or…” I suggested.

“I can’t believe that a stranger offers himself to bring something you should have bought since the beginning” Jaebum sighed, shaking his head and giving him another punch in the shoulder. “In rewards, dear stranger, you deserve my company” Jaebum added.

“I’m Youngjae” I said so he could learn my name and stop calling me stranger, Jaebum began walking down the hall and I followed him hurriedly “by the way, thanks, I think I would get lost in this huge place.”

“Everyone thinks it’s huge on the first weeks” he said, putting his hands in his pockets “You’ll get used to it later. What are you majoring in?”

“Er…” I hesitated for a moment, I even had forgotten my name when we got into the elevator and my nose smelled the wonderful smell of his cologne, soap, shampoo…whichever has been “Music and theater.” I finally managed to say.

“That’s cool!” he replied “I’m on the same major, only I get to graduate next semester.”

“That’s great” I couldn’t stop smiling at him whenever he turned to look at me.

“Now I Just have to find a job which doesn’t let me starve to death, according to my parents” he rolled his eyes.

“But if it’s what you like you won’t necessarily starve” I shrugged.

“You tell that to my parents” he huffed, opening the door of the store so I could get in, it was literally around the corner “they accepted that I danced and being a b-boy and the contest and winning and all that, and they were happy, but…they were happier when I hurt my back and I couldn’t do that anymore” he sighed heavily, her hand ran absently through his lower back “And they were almost going to disinherit me when…” he stopped midsentence.

“When you decided to major in this, I get it.” He just nodded and gave me a slight smile, biting one of the rings that were on the corner of his mouth and walked towards the fridges “My parents aren’t that happy either, but they are unhappier for the fact that I had to move but…here I am, they can’t do too much about it, only just call me every day.”

“Country boy following his dreams, that’s cute” –he ruffled my hair and I needed  all my self-control to not blush as a pre-teen, but still some color filled my cheeks “Well, country boy, I’ll see you in the entrance when you finish your shopping.”

“It’s coast boy, actually” I muttered softly when he turned and left with two heavy bags in each hand that made his muscle more marked.

I almost ran through the aisles talking the stuff only by mere instinct to get back again by the side of that handsome, sexy and nice guy. I left the store with three big bags filled with bathroom necessities, cereal, cookies, milk, chips and even a bottle of water.

Jaebum was sitting on the sidewalk with a cigarette between his lips, for a few moments I remembered Taehyung, I remembered the taste of his kisses with that touch of tobacco mixed with his toothpaste to disguise the fact that he had smoked and avoid the fact that I would scold him for it.

“I’m sorry, I did it as quickly as possible” I apologized, bowing slightly, struggling with the three paper bags in my arms.

“Well, now instead of ice I’ll bring ice cold water, but…meh…it still cools things, right?” his words made let out a spontaneous laugh that went out in it’s more natural and noisy form, I covered my mouth immediately, embarrassed by my own laugh.

“Wow, Youngjae” Jaebum also laughed, throwing the cigarette butt in the ashtray of the nearest trash bin “You sure are a walking cutie patootie” he ruffled my hair again, grabbed his two ice bags with one hand and grabbed my heaviest bag with his other hand, as if it was noting.

“I’m not cute…I’m just…clumsy, insecure, antisocial and with a too extravagant laugh” I said, trying hard to not blush again, but I kept failing as the older looked at me sideways and chuckled.

“And all that seems pretty cute to me” Jaebum replied, shrugging “So, are you staying to the party?”

“I don’t think so, I have classes at 7:00 am” I said with a kind of moan/groan/growl. I realized we were back in the building and regretted that the return trip wouldn’t be longer “I’ve never been a morning person.”

“Believe me, no one comes early in the 7:00 am classes, not even the professors” he winked at me when entering the elevator “at least drank one beer, if it’s true you’re antisocial just allow yourself to be social for at least one night, you never know what can happen” he looked at my eyes with such intensity I suddenly felt vulnerable in front of him, as if he had stripped me naked with just that look, leaving me fully exposed to him.

Well, he was right at that part, I could be social for one night…or my entire career, maybe it was time to change my way of being.

We went out to the crowded hall of people sluggishly moving to the beat of loud music rumbling somewhere in the hall, I could see BamBam talking eagerly to Jackson and Yugyeom talking with a group of pretty girls. Jaebum looked at me almost pleadingly and I just nodded, leaving my shopping bags in the floor and taking the beer bottle he offered me…he was right, I never knew what it could happen.


	2. Is it fate?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youngjae's first day of school, he starts to think that maybe it's his fate to always encounter his sexy neighbor.

Someone hammered hard my skull again and again, I wiggled wrapped in the sheets and waited patiently for the person who dared to give me such a headache went away and let me sleep peacefully, after all, I hadn’t anything important to do that morning.

A sharp sound pierced my ears and I grunted in protest.

“Are you going to turn off your damn alarm at some point?!” someone took off my sheets and I cringed at the sudden change in temperature “it has half an hour ringing! At it started at six o’clock! Weren’t you supposed to have class at seven?”

“Sweet mother of baby Goku!” I exclaimed, jumping out of bed and forgetting, for about three seconds, that I was on the top bunk   so I fell hard on my back as I hit the ground with a loud noise and a blow that woke me up.

“Hyung!” Yugyeom exclaimed, apparently he was the one attempting to wake me up, just that he didn’t expect that I almost killed myself “Are you okay?”

“Yes, apparently I didn’t break anything” I managed to say in response, sitting up slowly and trying to ignore intense pain in my back.   Being on time on my first day of school was more important that my physical well-being. Yes, I did have my priorities straight.

“Goku has a sweet mother?” BamBam’s voice came from his bed, where he was sitting up, one eye closed as he was more asleep than awake

I ignored him and kept in my mind that it was 6:40 in the morning and I had yet to find my building and classroom and that my class started at 7:00; I hurried the best I could, just washing my face and teeth, putting on whichever clothes I found on the drawers, I just brushed the mess in my hair and put on a snapback and grabbed just a granola bar for breakfast.

_Nice first day, Youngjae, nice first day_. I said to myself as I was storming out the door, almost forgetting the backpack I had carefully settled on the hallway and just for a few inches I saved my face form hitting the door as I didn’t coordinated well the action ‘open door, get out, close the door’.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit.” I repeated again and again, grabbing my schedule from one of the bags in my backpack, I had to remember well my class and building before getting lost in the huge campus.  

“Hey, Youngjae, be careful or you’re going to stomp your face against a wall if you don’t pay attention where you’re going,” a deep voice made me turn my head and an arm placed on my chest prevented me, effectively, stamping my face against the wall “late?”

“What do you think?” I replied, realizing it was Jaebum, the sexy and rough neighbor that had tempted me the night before to stay in his party until two in the morning and made me drink three beers.

“And you slept about two more hours than me,” he smiled, pressing the button for the elevator “what class do you have?”

“Ah….” What with his effect on me to have a temporary amnesia always I’m near him?” but his tight Captain America shirt didn’t help me remember the things I had seen less than a few minutes ago in my schedule “I thinks its Music Theory, building S, room 302.”

“Well, you’re very lucky, it happens that I’m going to building D, who happens to be next to the S” he smiled at me, letting me enter the elevator first “You have only five minutes to be there on time.”

“And you say I have good luck?” I asked, distressed and moving incessantly one of my legs “Good way to start my day, my week, and my university career.”

“Don’t be so dramatic” Jaebum laughed, patting me on the shoulder “you’ll get used to as days pass” he shrugged and went out to the fresh morning, there was a few other students running around, obviously late as we were “besides, I am your good luck. I also have class at seven o’clock, if by the time I leave the house, at six thirty, I don’t see your cute butt out I’ll go to your house and get you out the bed by the hair, not caring how or with whom you are.”

“With whom…? Oh no!” I said, embarrassed, once I realized what he meant “I don’t think that happens in a future “I didn’t noticed the nostalgia my voice had, even as I was panting due to the quick pace in which we were walking.

“Why not? You’re not so bad looking” I suddenly felt so much heat “if you do well in your classes, you have a good singing voice, compose beautiful things and play an instrument…I don’t know, maybe all the girls in your classes would like to get into your pants.”

“No, that’s not it.” I said, softly.

“Well, guys, then. I just had to say girls for mere courtesy, it’s not decent to say someone’s gay the next day you met him, but I just knew that you were gay, just had to be sure,” he giggled “But hey, be more optimistic! I mean, even Jackson has slept with a man or two in engineering, you would too as we are in a more…openly gay career, there’s someone in every corner, I can assure you that.”

“Wait, Jackson is…?”           

“Gay? Nah, he’s bisexual, just like me.” Oh my God, too much information, I was sure that if I had something to drink in my mouth I would have spilled it all out. “Mark and Jinyoung, on the other side, are 100% gay, actually, they’re a couple” I sighed, it was obvious that someone has handsome as Mark wasn’t single “Right, you didn’t met Jinyoung yet. He’s overseas now, in New York the bastard, he’s in a composition contest with his teammate.”

“So Mark is…”

“Totally” Jaebum said, nodding “I saw how you saw him last night, I’m sorry he’s taken. But there’s still Jackson…even though Jackson is Mark’s ex-boyfriend…so never mention that thing, it’s all in the past and they get a little sensitive on the matter, I mean, yes, they’re best friends now, but the situation back then was quite ugly, and more because Jinyoung was my boyfriend when they started falling in love…” he suddenly stopped midsentence and realized I was staring at him, kind of confused as he was saying all those things to me and we just met yesterday “well, going back to the original topic,” he waved a hand “in Music & Theater a 90% of the men are gay or bi, so,  your chances of getting laid are high.”

“But I don’t want to get laid, and even if someone tries to get into my pants as you said, I’m not the most interesting man on this planet “I sighed, seeing with relief that we had finally had reached an area with the A, B, C buildings. “Besides, I’m waiting for…”

“This is your building” he interrupted me, looking at his wrist watch “its 7:1, you might want to hurry.”

“Oh shit, you’re right! Thanks a lot!” I exclaimed and hurried inside the building, trying not to think I still had to reach to the third floor and there was no elevator.

X

X

X

Two hours later I left the class quite happy, I couldn’t understand half of the things my professor said, but I was sure by the end of it I could understand them and study all the things I could extract from music, even though I had a slight headache and already had homework up to my shoulders.

Without being able to process all the information from the first class I rushed to the second one, delightfully it was only a few buildings apart and on the first floor, so I arrived in a few minutes. It was easily to locate the class as there was a bunch of people queuing to get in, some talking loudly and laughing, others looking at their cellphones without paying attention to their surroundings.

“Well, someone might think that you are following me” Jaebum’s voice said as soon as he saw me standing by my own, I wasn’t surprised to see him surrounded by people with expensive brand clothes “Wait, you came to Composition?”

             “Well…maybe its fate,” I giggled and scratched behind my ear as I saw the mocking stare of one girl “Yes, they offered it as an elective and as I already play the piano it was silly for me to take Instrument I” I said, trying to ignore her.

“Well I assumed last night that you might be full of surprises, but you do are full of surprises” Jaebum said, somewhat impressed and smiling slyly “This class is an elective but for advanced students, it’s weird you say it was between your options.”  

“Well…I don’t know…” I babbled “do you think it’s going to be very hard?” I asked, somewhat alarmed but more uncomfortable as his friends were starting to snicker.

“Nah, I have already taken Auditive Training with this teacher, his name is Kim Jaejoong and he’s a total musical eminence and prodigy. I mean it. He sings, compose, writes, arranges, produces….all you can imagine, spectacular; he looks like the human form of a god; his boyfriend is the best dancer and choreographer from Seoul, actually I think all South Korea, both of them are legends; their daughters are also very loveable, they’re the most educated girls on the whole planet Earth, -he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I’ve noticed that he had that mania to make his hair look more tousled, which made him look tougher and god dammit, it worked. “You can’t consider yourself majoring in Music & Theatre if you didn’t have at least one fantasy with him.”

“To that extent? Wait…did you said ‘their daughters? But he has a boyfriend, how’s…?” I asked, somewhat intimidated by all his description of this kind of professor-music-prodigy-hottest-man-on-earth thing.

“Oh yeah…that thing…” Jaebum only managed to say when we heard a bunch of melodious notes down the hall.

The creator of those notes was exactly as Jaebum had described him: like the human form of a god. Blonde hair, fine features and so smooth, like porcelain, broad shoulders, tall, thick lips and sparkling eyes; the messenger bag in his shoulders pulled down the shirt, that clung tightly to his chest muscles, and I could see the dark ink of a tattoo on his back. He opened the classroom door and turned to smile to the class and when he did I felt my legs turning into pudding.

“Okay…I believe you, it is to that extent,” I sighed, dreamily.

“Close your mouth, Youngjae, you look like a dazzled bunny.” Jaebum scoffed and got in the classroom, flicking my forehead on the process “I’m going to get jealous.” He laughed at his own joke.

I tried to smile at him too, but as I was still daydreaming with that teachers I waddled my way into the classroom as if I was walking over the clouds. That was going to be my favorite class, for sure.

And it would become even more in my favorite class when Professor Kim said that we were going to work in couples all semester, and those couples were ‘a date with fate’. He made us write our names on a piece of paper and put them inside a box, he took out, one by one, those pieces of paper and those ended up being the work teams.

My heart stopped for a few seconds when I heard my name, I started prepping myself as I had to give a good impression to my partner as he was from advanced semesters and I didn’t wanted him or her to think that I was going to do a poor job as I was a freshman; but my heart did stop when Professor Kim said ‘Im Jaebum’. I really thought fate had something to do about it.  

“Okay, so now you know who your partner is, and you know the basic stuff related to the class,” Professor Kim melodious voice call over the uproar that ensued when everyone went to find their partner “now I want you to get to know each other. You’re going to be working together all semester and believe that you will have to work together many hours per week. I don’t want that your works being the typical and boring compositions, I want songs that really talk about each other, songs that you can sing, because you know you have to sing them in front of the class, with emotion and really feeling it, because that’s what music is about, feeling; and to achieve that kind of feeling in a song you have to know each other so, there’s fifty minutes left of class, now chat!”

I pursed my lips, talk to someone for fifty minutes? How was I supposed to start a conversation with someone I just met the day before? Yes, I was quite chatty, but once I gained confidence, thing that couldn’t happen if you met someone yesterday, besides, Jaebum had that strange ability to leave me speechless every time I was in his presence or, on the other hand, if I tried to talk to him I was sure I was going to start talking nonsense.  

“Well, Choi Youngjae, what can you tell me about you?” I felt in a job interview.

“What do you want me to say?” I definitely had to stop scratching behind my ear, by know he must know that I do that whenever I get uncomfortable and feel awkward “You know that I came from Mokpo, and somehow you knew that I was gay, what else I can say?”

“Well, you can tell my why if you come from the countryside you have a perfect Seoul accent if this is the first time you came here and why are you so negated to hook up with someone?” he shrugged, playing with one of the earrings in his left ear.

“Ah, well…the accent…hmm…in high school I had a…” I sighed and bit my lower lip “I had a friend…”

“Stop it right there,” he put a finger on my lips “that sigh tells me it wasn’t just a friend,” he made a sound with his tongue “secret lover? One sided love? The reason why you don’t want anything to do with relationships and love?” wow…what was he? Some kind of warlock or something like that? Ohh no! Maybe he was one of those sparkling-reading-mind vampires!

“No, he wasn’t my secret lover and it definitely wasn’t a one sided love” I said, blushing a little remembering the passion in which I confirmed all that “We actually dated for a while, but Taehyung is older than me and had to leave Mokpo to come to college, he actually enrolled in this one, that’s why I came here, because we were supposed to meet again, but it’s been two years since I last heard of him and I don’t even know if he continues in this university or in which career, I don’t even know if he’s alive or if he was abducted by the aliens” I realized I spoke quite fast.

“Wait, did you said Taehyung?” Jaebum wondered “Maybe Kim Taehyung? Tall, weird smile and random personality, he loves to stick his tongue out for everything?” I was sure I was left with my mouth hanging open “So you’re that Youngjae!”

“Why? Oh my God! He’s still here? SHUT THE FUCK UP HE TALKED ABOUT ME!” I screamed with all the strength on my voice and everyone stared at me “You are not playing games with me, are you?”

“No,” Jaebum had a somewhat mocking smile in his lips “he is in this career, actually, he is Jinyoung’s partner, they return next week, apparently,” suddenly I felt a lot of euphoria en the desire to start jumping around “And yes, he spoke a lot of you. There wasn’t a day when he didn’t say anything related to you, he bragged a lot about your magnificent voice and the happiness you seemed to irradiate every second of the day, he called you ‘My Sunshine’. He was very depressed when he lost his phone with your number.” I felt somewhat dumb when some tears flooded my eyes.

“Yes, he always used to call me like that” I giggled “He didn’t forgot about me…”

“Indeed, coast boy” Jaebum ruffled my hair “Seems like destiny is on your side.”

Suddenly my first day of college seemed to brighten up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler chapter, but hey, what's a good love story without all the background?  
> No I swear I am not Jaejoong biased (ofcourseiamwhoamikidding)  
> Let me know what you think!  
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments and all that!   
> See you next thursday!


	3. A night of mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frat party, too much alcohol, too many bad decisions.

And suddenly, without even realizing I had already a month in college, and that first month wasn’t easy at all. I was used to doing homework all nights, but the homework those teachers left was excessive, it was common for me and my two roommates to stay up all until late night doing homework. Yugyeom engaged in complicated mathematical and algebraic calculations, BamBam doing difficult color scales and I would spent my nights with tons of books about musical theory scattered in my desk, or I would break my brain trying to figure out what the teacher wanted me to say about the piece I had to say what was about (and it was quite hard since the teacher always said I was wrong in telling what the author tried to say) or I’ll my sitting by my keyboard, playing some random notes in hopes a melody could turn out from that mess.

The mid-terms came faster than usual and around campus there was an atmosphere of tension. It was common to see students sitting in benches, with their books open on their lap, students with really big dark circles that a panda had nothing to envy, murmuring to themselves outside that classrooms, and waiting for their teacher to arrive with the feared exams. Even our neighbors had stopped attending and organizing parties every weekend. I really didn’t wanted to imagine what could happen in finals if that was what we were experiencing with midterms.

Thankfully, I passed all my exams with a high note, having a special mention in my Composition class, since the song that Jaebum and I composed was the best one of all the ones in our class.

We had to sang it in front of the whole class, and, after many days working in his dorm, the library or whenever, at the very moment I saw him singing with such passion the lyrics we have written, at that specific moment in which his melodious voice resonated in every corner of the classroom, only until then I realized I had a new crush.

I kind of already knew that something like that was happening, as, every time he spoke to me, I would always blush madly, I couldn’t stop staring at every fine detail in his face whenever he focused on his work and without mentioning that a lot of times I found myself thinking in how lucky the pen he hold between his lips was and fantasying about feeling every muscle with my fingers, not without leaving my mouth hanging open, thing that always caused embarrassing moments when he would catch me staring at him fixedly in many occasions.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t even say that I was in love with one of my friends, because I couldn’t even call ourselves friends. Yes, we walked everyday together to class, we were partners in another one, but always, once our walk was over, or the class ended, he would leave with his rich and popular friends and I would turn again into the freshman boy who had made no friends other than his roommates.

After class, we both went to our part-time jobs, Jaebum as a barista at a Starbucks, and me as a waiter at a contiguous restaurant; I was able to saw him a few times when we would went out to throw the trash at the same time, or when we cleaned the back yard when closing the stores; at those few moments my heart would beat excitedly as we would had pleasant conversations that had nothing to do with school or our work in class.

I could talk with him about any subject, I had discovered that he wasn’t the chic guy he pretended to be, he was actually all smiles, witty and quite awkward; I would always get excited whenever he complimented me and I couldn’t help but laugh at him whenever an unusual misfortune could happen to him, I couldn’t stop hoping that someday he would invite me to a date, or that he would offer himself to walk me home, instead, my heart broke a little every time, when getting off of work, there was already someone waiting for him at the entrance, or someone would pick him up in a luxurious car.

That was just my luck, my first love was someone that was in the United States for a contest that had already took too many weeks, in my opinion, and I really didn’t knew if he had already found someone else, or if his love for me had already ended. And my actual crush was a playboy that went out with the same number of men as women, the most popular of my major and, of course, he could never look at me in other way than his classmate, even though they praised me for my talent on the piano and my voice.

I wasn’t rich and interesting enough for him.

X

X

X

“Hey! You’re finally here! Good morning!” Jaebum greeted me as soon as I approached the door of my dorm. It was Thursday and I left work quite late since we had to do a lot of cleaning. He looked as glorious as ever with his ripped jeans and his tank tops “How were your first mid terms

“What are you doing outside your dorm?” I asked, surprised to seeing him comfortably sitting in the doorway, with an empty beer bottle in his hand “And…I guess I did well, only As and Bs.”

"I knew you were going to make it, you're kind of a musical genius." He smiled openly and I could smell the alcohol that was radiating from his body. Obviously that was not the only beer he had drunk during the day. “And…I was supposed to meet a guy so we could fuck but…he ate Mexican food and his stomach got a little upset and, well…you know you can’t have gay sex on an upset stomach” he sighed, pursing his lips and I tried to look like I hadn’t been surprised by his liberal way of talking about sex “Jinyoung came back yesterday, so Mark is…catching up on him as Jackson and I went out” he signaled the red ribbon tied to the door knob “I’m just waiting for them to finish so I can come in.”

“Isn’t Jinyoung the one that was with Tae in New York?" I asked, my face lit up, and it seemed like Jaebum bitted his lower lip when he heard I called him ‘Tae’.

“Yes…but I don’t know if Taehyung returned with him, apparently he went to Boston, to Berkeley, he got a scholarship or something” he said, pursing his lips.

-Oh…” I couldn’t help but looking disappointed and I sighed “Well…” I looked at him for a few seconds, doubting in letting him in, as he looked somewhat uncomfortable on the floor and our couch was quite comfy, he could rest a bit until the lovers would finish recovering the time they weren’t together.

“Yes…it’s a shame. By the way, tomorrow there would be a party for the end of the midterms and as a welcome for Jinyoung. Jackson said he didn’t get why we don’t invite you guys to our parties. It’s at a fraternity house that is not far from here. But really, you need to go, I think the only reason why Jackson insist so much on you being invited is because he’s trying to get into BamBam’s pants” he stood up and stared at me, I hurriedly looked another way so I couldn’t blush “and I also would like for you to be there. You need to socialize with more people and, well…who knows? Maybe we could hook you up with someone meanwhile Taehyung decides to return. 

“I have told you many times that I don’t want to hook up with no one” I said, wrinkling my nose, well, that wasn’t entirely a lie. Jaebum chuckled and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand, and now I blushed madly, looking like a turnip with a fever.

"Youngjae, please, don’t lie to me, I’ve seen how you look at me sometimes. Even now, you’re red like an apple, and just because I touched you.” He laughed again.

“N-no…I…don’t…” I babbled. So he had noticed. Shit.

"See you tomorrow," and without another word or waiting for my answer he turned around and headed towards the elevator at the end of the hallway, leaving me with a thousand of ideas running through my mind.

I stood there, in the middle of the hallway, with my jaw swinging open, without being able to react. The same ideas and theories were running through my mind at an amazing speed I got dizzy.

His words were simple “See you tomorrow”, but that could also mean “I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow”, meaning that he wanted to see me at that party the next day, which turned that in something like a date.

My heart started beating fast and I looked at the old-fashioned clothes I was wearing; it was the second party I was going to attend, and this time it was a bigger party, a party that was organized by a fraternity, so it was something more serious (in the sense of not just being a meeting getting out of control) and bigger, with more people, better dressed, probably dressed like the circle that always surrounded Jaebum, with brand clothes and the last IPhone. I was nothing compared to them, but, if Jaebum had invited me, it was for something, right? That also could mean that I had to be at his level to look better? I stared back at my old jeans, I’ve had them at least three years and they weren’t exactly brand jeans, even so, even if it wasn’t for Jaebum, I had to improve my wardrobe and for that I needed a fashion consultant immediately, and the only one I knew was…

“BamBam, wake up” I shook his shoulder, roughly, the poor Thai boy opened his eyes with the drowsiness that could be expected form a person at two in the morning “we need to go shopping tomorrow as soon as we can, there’s a very important party we need to go.”

X

X

X

“Tell me where this party is again?” Yugyeom asked me, once we squeezed in an Uber, all dressed with the things we had just bought in the morning.

BamBam wore his usual ripped super tight jeans and a short-sleeved button shirt with a teddy bear design (I just couldn’t understand his “cool” definition); Yugyeom had opted for something simpler, with a pair of light blue jeans and a white loose t-shirt, and even though he denied he didn’t put it on because he didn’t wanted to style his hair, he wore a baby blue baseball hat. With me our happy and pleasant shopping time became a nightmare and a constant battle with BamBam; he wanted me to wear jeans as tight as his, and shirts as strange as his own, to which I obviously resisted, we ended up agreeing on a short sleeve black t-shirt with some legend on white letters, a faux leather jacket and some jeans ripped by the jeans, and it was so tight that for the first time I was able to see that I actually had decent legs, with thighs thick enough and a perky butt; as I had resigned myself in wearing some jeans, that didn’t allowed my noble areas to breathe, BamBam bought me a black, wide-brimmed hat to complete my look, and honestly, I’ve never felt so…handsome in my nineteen years of life.

“It’s in a fraternity house, not too far from here. I think it’s called BTS or something” I said, trying to fix the fringe that tickled my eyebrows, BamBam had spent good twenty minutes in styling my hair.

“And who is going to be there, exactly? Can you say that again to me, please” BamBam asked, slapping my hand so I could stop touching my hair.

“I don’t know” I said, biting my lip and Yugyeom had enough courtesy to turn around to smile mockingly “Jaebum hyung invited me, he said all of them were going to be there, and some other friends too…I don’t really know how much people is inv…” I stopped midsentence, as the Uber had just arrived in what seemed to be the right address.

It was a two-story house, quite spacious and luxurious, you could hear the muffled sound of the music rumbling out in the street, we were able to hear it even when we haven’t got down of the Uber yet. There was a lot of people in the porch, the sides and there were a lot of cars looking for parking.

“Then we are here because Jaebum hyung invited you…got it” Yugyeom said, once we paid the driver and got down, fixing our clothes before going in “then I must save some battery on my cellphone for calling an Uber for myself when I want to get home?” he asked, raising a brow and I smiled nervously.  

“Of course not! What are you saying?” I snorted, scratching behind my ear. Seriously Youngjae, stop it, people already know you lie when you do that “I don’t think I’ll stay here very late, I mean…there’s more people I can handle.”

“Well, don’t wait for me, then” BamBam said blatantly, beginning to bluff-walk towards the house “I’ve been in celibacy for a while now, it’s a month since I got here! Today I’m getting laid, I swear.”

Yugyeom and I snorted and got inside the house with some difficulty as even the door was jammed. Once we were inside we were greeted by a cloud of cigarette and marijuana smoke, such cloud made the house look a little opaque as it blurred the lights; music was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts; people were dancing in random places, some lazily, others with a lot of enthusiasm, I even had to get away from a girl that came to me, twerking her life out at my crotch.

We didn’t have even two minutes in the party and I could already feel my lungs becoming dark of so much smoke and the sweat beginning to run down my neck and armpits, thanks to the hot jacket. 

“Are you sure this is the right party?” Yugyeom asked, looking with interest at a crowd of dancers that were doing it a little more professional. We all knew that the younger had a passion for dancing, a passion that he would have followed if it weren’t for his parents wanting him to be an architect, but that didn’t stopped the boy to join a street dance crew, and man! He had talent.

“Of course it is! I’ve seen at least fifty people from my career!” BamBam screamed so we could hear him above the music, he saw a bunch of girls dressed in some tight and short dresses, they barely covered what was necessary, and approached them quickly, taking a red cup from one of them and drinking its content immediately.

“So nice of him to say goodbye” Yugyeom said in my ear “I’m going to go with the dancers, want to come?” he asked me.

“I’ll catch you in a while, I’ll go grab us a drink” I said, I’ll really be out of place once the younger joined the dance battles, besides, someone was supposedly waiting for me in someplace inside that crowded house.

I ended up moving more to the rhythm of the crowd than by my own will, entering more and more into the house, stretching my neck so I would be able to spot Jaebum in the middle of the crowd, but, until that time, there was no sign of him.

I made it to the kitchen and I was so relieved when I saw a door that lead to the backyard, and, as I was starting to feel a little too overwhelmed by all the people invading my personal space, I went out, wanting to breathe some air without smoke clouding it.

Luckily, outside was less crowded. The backyard was quite spacious, so there was people scattered everywhere, mostly couples who spoke very close to the other person, others were already immersed in a passionate kissing session that, maybe, would lead into something else as the night progressed.

I heard a shrill laugh, which I could identify it as Jackson’s laugh, followed by Mark’s laughter, also kind of shrill, and looked towards that place, my heart hoping for it to be Jaebum’s group of friends. And it was.

They were sitting under a kiosk, lit with Christmas lights and a few torches to keep the mosquitoes away. They all talked enthusiastically, smiling at whatever Jackson had said and I could see Jaebum, comfortably lounging on a patio chair, with a red cup in his hand. I was left kind of breathless at the beautiful sight of Jaebum’s navy blue shirt hugging to tightly his muscles, that day he wasn’t wearing jeans, he had opted for some khaki pants that…God…they fitted so well in Jaebum’s glorious lower anatomy; his hazelnut hair were styled all the way back, revealing a very beautiful forehead, his small eyes were fixated on Jackson, his lips were curved in that smile that made me become clumsier every time I saw it right in front of me, when he bit softly the piercing he had on his left commissure, a thousand of dirty thoughts ran through my mind and until then I decided I needed to stop staring. 

“Naughty Youngjae, you’re really, really naughty” I shook my head and sighed eagerly, pursing my lips as I started to think in a way to approach them ‘casually’.

“Yah! Choi Youngjae, you’re blocking the entrance!” someone said behind me, Jeon Jungkook, also a freshman in my major, I hadn’t had the chance to speak with him a lot, but he was nice and also had a killer voice. He was standing at the door, trying to get out into the backyard, he had a beer bottle in one hand and the other was intertwined with the hand of a blond boy I’d seen around Jaebum sometimes, I think his name was Jimin.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Jungkook, I didn’t realized you were standing there” I apologized, completely embarrassed, I had no idea how long I’d stood in the doorway, stalking at Jaebum.

"Youngjae?" I heard my name again, this time from the corner where Jaebum was and it was actually him calling my name “What are you doing there? Come here!” he said, smiling happily and I walked hurriedly towards him, praying I wouldn’t fall in some hole hidden in the grass “it was about time for you to arrive!” he patted my back with the same happiness “come one, don’t be afraid, I know you talk up your elbows once you are comfortable. Here, I’ll share you some of this” he put a beer bottle in my hand. It was 10:00 pm and he already looked a little bit tipsy “Hey, you bastards, did you knew Youngjae? He was the one who wrote 1:31 am and got me an A with Jaejoong, I was supposed to help him, but he really did everything, he even fixed the things I had wrote…he’s some kind of musical genius” he said, wrapping an arm around my waist and I drank beer, hurriedly, so I could hide my blush “I really like how you look today, sexy…that hat…fuck, I love it” he smiled foolishly and his fingers tightened my jacket, I almost choked on my beer.

“Hey, where did you left BamBam?” Jackson asked, trying to sound casual, but failed and all his friends bullied him.

“He stayed inside with some friends of his major, you should hurry up, they all seemed to be organizing an orgy with him” I said and the Hong Kong’s boy stood up immediately, ignoring the malicious comments, but it was impossible to do so, just as it was for me to ignore the fact that now Jaebum’s arm rested on my shoulders.

“By the way, Youngjae, he’s Jinyoung, the one that was gone and you didn’t meet” Mark said, pointing to the dark-haired boy by his side. There was no need in introducing him, he was the only one I didn’t knew his name and his hand was like glued to Mark’s hand “Jinyoungie, he’s the boy I talked to you, the one that Taehyung couldn’t stop talking about.”

“Hi!” I said, smiling and the older just nodded “Can I ask you where is Tae?”

“He got a scholarship in Berkley for a saxophone workshop or something” I tried to smile, but failed “he’s returning by the end of the semester. But don’t worry, I’ll give you his number so you can text him and tell him you’re here…but maybe another day, when we’ve all sobered up. I’m…kind of forbidden to have my cellphone with me when I drink.” He rolled his eyes and mark nudged him.

“But, why are you so cheap with him, Jaebum?” Mark said, when I drank a bit more to help with my depression and the knot in my throat. Yes, I might have been drooling for Jaebum less than five minutes ago, but that was nothing more than physical attraction and him being the popular guy, so, it couldn’t be compared to my first love, which I couldn’t experience a lot from it. “Here, this helps better when you want to forget or overcame a unrequited love, so you may forget Taehyung for a while” he gave me a small plastic shot and filled it with a transparent liquid “It’s raspberry vodka, you don’t have to mix it with anything, just…drink it and do not think at all.” I looked at the drink with some suspicion.

“Jaebum, you shouldn’t be hugging Youngjae like that” Jinyoung clicked his tongue “He’s Taehyung’s sweet boy, remember?”

“Well…I don’t see Taehyung around here at the moment” Jaebum shrugged “besides, I can’t help it, and Youngjae looks so damn fine tonight” and he kissed my neck, making me turn a thousand shades of red, so, to disguise it I drank all the contents in my glass in one shot.

And that was when once of my biggest mistakes began.

The liquid burn my throat completely and made me cough, even my eyes cried a little bit, but no one seemed to notice. Jaebum asked for another round, shouting, and as Mark was older than me I didn’t have another choice than accepting his drink, toasting for Jackson who had finally found BamBam. The aforementioned appeared a few minutes later, BamBam brought a tequila bottle and, with his usual energy, didn’t stop serving shots to everyone, or pouring it directly into Jackson’s mouth in a rather obscene gesture.

After that they all started playing all kind of drinking games and I lost most of them, so I drank at least four more vodka shots; they decided we should play ‘I have never’ and, as I was totally innocent, drank five more tequila shots and, as a punishment, got a “dizzy head” which consisted in pouring a huge amount of tequila and vodka into my mouth and then, someone, I guess Mark, BamBam or Jackson, who knows…it was blond, grabbed my head and started shaking it around, making me more dizzy. After that I stopped counting on how many shots I had drank or how many beers I’ve taken to calm down the burning sensation in my esophagus.

Someone brought some speakers outside and now the same loud music played outside, Jaebum started to dance and, although I wasn’t talented in dancing at all, danced along with him. At some point Jaebum and I started grinding –dancing- against each other, holding out my glass whenever someone made an absurd toast and just slurring the words “cheers” out of my lips, now drinking with more ease, and seeing how the lights that were around became just blurred sparkly things.

Yup. I was drunker than I expected to be.

I couldn’t feel my lips very well, but that didn’t stopped me from singing –very off key- the songs that emerged from the powerful speakers; my tongue didn’t waned to cooperate with me when talking, so my purest and thickest accent came to light, at some other occasion I would be rather embarrassed by it, but at the time it didn’t mattered, I was just interested in telling the story of the battle I had with BamBam that morning and how hard it was to breath whenever BamBam left the bathroom to whoever who was willing to listen, or just someone that was passing by.

My arms also disconnected from my brain, so what began as a gentle swing from side to side turn into an excited series of jumps and waving my arms into the air at the rhythm the music provided, or I think it was on rhythm, people around me were as drunk as me, so no one really judged my dancing ability.

The bottles were almost over when I decided to show off my English skills with Mark and Jackson, and I guess they were surprised by my English level as they laughed quite happily and, why not? I also laughed with them.

I had lost track of space and time, I knew I was still grinding on Jaebum because I could smell his cologne and could feel his breath hit the back of my neck, with one of his arms holding lazily my hip, guiding the movement in which I should move my hips against his crotch, and God…I loved it. I wanted to spend my days dancing with him in that way, feeling the sway of his hips against mine, his manly hands grabbing my waist and his lips sometimes caressing my neck, but, unfortunately, the alcohol was over so Jaebum left me to go and get more.

It was then when I realized I was left alone surrounded by couples.

BamBam was talking to Jackson way too close to his ears, then I found out that they weren’t talking but BamBam was licking and nibbling his ear as they moved sensually to the rhythm, their legs so tangled that I wouldn’t be able to distinguish them if the Thai legs weren’t as thin as toothpicks. Mark sat on one of the chairs with Jinyoung straddled on his laps and both were catching up with a “non-verbal” chat.

I took that as my signal to leave somewhere, and since I wanted to go to the bathroom for a while (I had flatly refused to pee in a corner, as Jackson had suggested) I decided to go in an adventure, searching for the toilet.

I stumbled my way inside, feeling like everything spun around me, but I still managed to enter the house, which was considerably emptier, so it was later than I thought. I located the bathroom line and a groan left my throat, it was too long and my need was big. Note to myself: next time you’re drunk, go pee whenever you feel the first need.

I sighed, resignedly, and leaned against a wall so I could mitigate the movement of my surroundings, for the first time I realized how bad I felt and that definitely I had exceeded my limit. Oh…my mom would be so ashamed of me. I’m sorry mom, but…I guess all college student needs a wild party to know his limits.

“Hey, I have access to the bathrooms upstairs, they’re reserved for certain people, want to go there?” Jaebum’s low voice rang in my ear.

“Are you sure?” I asked, ignoring the slurring in my words.

“Of course” he gestured a boy who was chatting with some other people “Namjoon! Can I use the bathroom in your room for a moment?” he asked, when this boy called Namjoon approached “Youngjae really needs a bathroom right now, he really drank a lot” said and Namjoon looked at me for a few moments, I smiled friendly and he laughed and nodded.

“Wait Jaebum” he called him with an even deeper voice, he whispered something into Jaebum’s ear, who also nodded sheepishly and both laughed, Namjoon slapping him on the back “Please, be careful with my room!”

I frowned, not knowing what those words really meant, but I forgot what my name was when Jaebum took my hand and led me upstairs, which was dimly lit, he led me through a long corridor towards the last room, where I immediately spotted the bathroom and I waddled my way towards it.

“You’re never going to drink so much in your life again” I said in a firm voice to the boy who was staring back at me with sleepy eyes once I was finished and washed my hands, I belched quite loudly and felt some bile ascending in my throat “Ok…you’re not drinking again in your life.”

I tried to get out of the bathroom, but I only managed to open the door and I stood there, leaning my forehead against the door post.

“Everything’s fine?” Jaebum asked me, he was sitting on the bed, with his cellphone in his hand and half of his collarbone out as he had unbuttoned his shirt a bit.

“I think so. I really feel like shit…maybe I should…lay down” I said, as everything was quiet I could really feel the effects of my drunkenness in my body.

“It’s the first time you drink this much?” he asked again, standing up and untucking his shirt.

“Obviously” I said and sighed “But I just promised myself I won’t drink again” I belched again “at all…in my whole life.”

“That’s what you say now. Jackson always says so every time he wakes up somewhere unknown, naked and lying next to someone he barely knows, but…the next weekend I have to go and pick his puked butt from a bar” he sighed too “You’ll be fine, you need to lie down and drank a lot of water, maybe eat something and it will pass.”

“Am I going to vomit too?” I desperately asked, not wanting to puke my brains out in front of him.

“Probably, now, in a few hours…tomorrow morning, each body acts different.” I moaned in response “come on, lie down, you won’t be able to make it home tonight, or at least in a while. I already asked Namjoon for permission.” He held out his hand and I smiled sheepishly.

I staggered towards him, holding his hand, but I didn’t’ count on my foot getting stuck in the rug, so I tripped and fell against his chest. I laughed, leaning on it and hearing the soft reverberation of his laughter.

“I like how you smell…how can it be possible you keep smelling good even when you smell like sweat, alcohol and smoke?” I muttered, sniffing a spot on his chest with the strongest smell “you look so sexy today, I couldn’t help but stare a bit…well…a whole bit…but…maybe you already knew that” Jaebum laughed more eager. “What are you laughing at?” I asked, pouting and looking at him in the eye.

“I like the way the words came out unfiltered on drunken people” he shrugged, stroking my lower lip with his thumb and, as expected, I blushed again, madly. “You also look pretty good today, Youngjae…I also couldn’t stop staring at you and that beautiful little ass” his voice turned lower and I bit my lips, staring shyly at his lust filled eyes “You look so fucking good, Youngjae” was the last thing he said before taking my face in his hands and joining his lips with mine in a kiss so intense that I had to step back until my back hit a wall.

His lips hugged mine so perfectly, he kissed me with suck passion and force that I couldn’t help letting out a moan, I hung to his neck, giving him total access to my mouth, his tongue found mine and I did my best in answering his hungry kiss, my body grinding against his; one of his hands slide to my butt and squeezed a buttock between his fingers, making me moan again. God dammit, nor even Taehyung could kiss me with such intensity, that was so fiery, hungry and needy that steam was about to erupt from my pores.

“Oh shit…shit…shit…” he muttered against my lips “I didn’t expect you to be so good…” he flipped me around and slammed me against a wall “Fuck” he said, tearing my jacket of my shoulders and slapping my hat out of my head.

His body leaned against my back and I felt something hard rubbing against my butt, his thick and experienced lips kissed and nibbled my neck, tearing sighs and weird moans; I felt his hands navigate through my body, getting inside my shirt and his fingertips touching my abdomen and my nipples, pinching them slightly, the buds turning hard under his touch; his manly hands left my chest and went to my crotch, rudely stroking it, but still, it felt so fucking good. I was aware of my erection growing inside my pants and the noises that came out of my mouth, and I knew they were kind of lame and loud, but, I didn’t care at that moment, I only wanted Jaebum to keep on kissing and touching me everywhere, I only wanted him to make me feel good.

“Come, come with me” Jaebum said with hoarse voice, turning me again and kissing my lips once more.

I began walking towards the bed and, once we got there, he pushed me against it, making me lie down and lied on top of me, I opened my legs so he could fit between them and got rid of my shirt, stroking every part of my naked torso; my face was burning and I knew, once Jaebum would remove his shirt, I will feel humiliated with my wobbly abs against his toned ones, but he didn’t seemed to care, he looked at me as if there wasn’t anything better in the entire world.

“Well…I would have never imagined you had a tattoo” he said, stroking the ink in my arm “You sure are full of surprises.”

“I did it two weeks after I came to Seoul” I confessed “Art is long, life is short” I said, hugging my body when I saw he started to unbutton his shirt. “I always wanted one…it’s kind of…” I stopped mid-sentence, awed by the sight of him removing his shirt.

“Why are you covering up?” he asked me and threw his shirt aside and my mouth fell open. He had muscles where there was supposed to be muscles, the lines of them were so defined they almost looked photo shopped. A little trail of hair was lost in his pants, just teasing me about the wonders that might be down there “You are beautiful, Youngjae, never think otherwise, you can relax with me, because I found you extremely beautiful.” He kissed me again, now slow and letting me enjoy his lips. “You know what…” he leaned over the nightstand and opened the top drawer, pulling out a mint box. I felt kind of bad as I thought I had bad breath, but then he opened the box and I saw that there were joints “Namjoon won’t bother if we take one of this” he pulled out one and lit it, giving it a long drag “here, this will help you relax and will intensify the pleasure.

I took the joint nervously in my hands, I had sworn to my parents that I would never take drugs, I didn’t even liked cigarettes when Taehyung offered me some, but at those moments my brain wasn’t even functioning at his 100% capacity and Jaebum had something like a hypnotizing or compelling effect on me, so, I took the joint and put it between my lips and inhaled deeply, and exhaling the smoke in between coughs. Jaebum took another and pass it again to me so I imitated him once more, starting to feel lighter headed than when I was drunk.

“Good, I like it. Now…” he exhaled the smoke, my whole body shivered and my cock twitched at how sexy it looked. I started to feel how my nervousness went away, I didn’t even bother to ask what was the small bottle he had gotten out of the bottom drawer. “Where were we?”

 And, as the fool I was, I got carried away by his kisses and caresses, unable to think in what could go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know at least I should've written a long detailed sex scene, but when you're as high and drunk as them you can't actually stop to think and things slowly comeback days after.  
> The good things are starting!!!   
> Thanks a lot for reading, your hits, your comments and your kudos, they're are always appreciated and I always love to read to your opinions and reactions!   
> See you next thursday.


	4. Humillation

My head hurt so much when I opened my eyes, I had to close them again immediately when the intense light dazzled me; I moved between the sheets, getting more tangled in it and that's when I started to notice something strange. How the hell had I slept that I was all tangled up between the cloths? My guts roared strangely and a little bit of bile rose to my throat when I woke up, I made myself a ball, covering the top of my head with the sheet and that was when I realized, and made me more shocked.

 I was totally naked.

I sat up suddenly, my head was booming in a spectacular way and the reflection of an emaciated, disheveled and pale boy was watching me from the mirror in front of me; it took me several seconds to realize that this boy was me. I exhaled a weird sound at the sight of my neck and chest full of scratches and bites, some were somewhat purplish and the others reddish, I was able to clearly see the teeth marks in several places, and the five traces of some fingernails in my abdomen.

Something clicked in my mind and the fuzzy memories of someone making those marks on my chest, someone kissing me too hard, putting me in four and penetrating me hard, making me scream his name over and over again, to the rate at which his cock entered me, turning his face into a grimace of lust and widening his smile whenever his name escaped with a sigh from my lips.

_His hands gripped my hair and pulled it to make me arch my back slightly, the tip of his dick slipped a little more inside me and hit a point that made me grasp the sheets tightly, my voice was barely a whisper or a whine, but he seemed to hear it perfectly._

_“Ah... Jaebum...”_

My stomach churned at the speed with which all the events crowded into my mind and, as bile was beginning to soar dangerously up my throat and the nausea intensified, I staggered to my feet, fortunately there were some boxers nearby so I put them on in a hurry and arrived just in time in the bathroom, falling on my knees in front of the toilet before throwing up all my soul.  

I puked my brains out as my body tried to detox itself, in those moments I couldn’t have felt more humiliated: puking in an unknown room, semi naked with the body full of hickeys, bites and scratches, hair disheveled by the countless times that we rolled down the bed and the million times his hands clung to my hair; but what made me feel worse and more ashamed of myself was the throbbing pain in my lowers and the strange feeling of something sticky running down the inner side of my legs.

My stomach finally settled up and I pulled the chain, sitting on the floor with some difficulty, I was sweating cold and trembling slightly. I sighed, what the hell was I going to do now? If I remembered well, Jaebum had asked the room to someone unknown. Where was this unknown person? Was I the one who had fallen asleep first? Where the fuck was Jaebum?

I rubbed my hair and I was startled when I heard footsteps entering the room, I stood up desperate, I just needed the room holder to enter at those moments and find me in such a humiliating state, everything included (yes…even the underwear and the small stench of vomit).

Someone knocked on the door a couple of times and opened it, Jaebum stuck his head into the bathroom and I felt a bit relieved but I still bit my lips nervously and smiled shyly, hugging my bare torso, trying to hide the marks he had made me.

"I was starting to think you had died of some alcoholic congestion mixed with overdose" he said, watching me closely.

"Did you give me more drugs?" I asked. It’s true; I had smoked a full joint myself. I was amazed at how hoarse my voice sounded but remembering the immensity of screams and moans I had given the night before, it wasn’t so surprising.

"No but the weed got you really up, you reacted so spectacularly, you were too... excited and... active..." Jaebum drowned a giggle and floated in my mind the memory of me jumping happily over his dick. A blush spread all over my body and all I wanted was the earth to swallow me at that exact moment. Too bad it didn’t happened. “But once we… finished, you fell asleep so fast that didn’t give you time to clean yourself or to take you home” Well, that explained the sticky feeling. Great. I was covered in dry semen and it wasn’t even my semen, it was his. "But in any way you were so drunk that it would have been impossible for me to take you home, that's why I decided to let you sleep"

“What time is it?” I asked, wrapping my arms around my torso tighter.

"About one o'clock in the afternoon" He said, leaning against the doorpost.

"And you're still here?" I wondered, trying to get out into the room. "No one has come to... claim their room?"

“Well, I woke up about thirty minutes ago and actually tried to wake you up but you didn’t move an inch” He chuckled. “You even said something like ‘Five more minutes, mom’ So, I let you sleep five more minutes. But I don’t judge you, we slept quite late, I'm not sure exactly at what time but…we lasted a lot…erm…doing it…and we started like at two thirty” Now I couldn’t avoid covering my face with my hands “Well, I already make sure that you're alive, then…” he pursed his lips, “I'll let you get ready, you can take a shower if you want, Namjoon stayed with Jin Hyung and that means they spent a night similar to us,  so he’s still asleep or fucking him again, I don’t really want to know” he rolled his eyes and put his hands inside his pockets “ I… this… I… Youngjae I…” Oh…that stuttering didn’t give me confidence; suddenly the situation became quite uncomfortable. “I have to go… I gotta work”

“You know, you don’t need to anything else” I interrupted, going back to the room, picking up my clothes hurriedly. “Don’t think I'm waiting for another word or a love confession” Shut up Choi Youngjae, shut up. “What I’m saying is... don’t feel uncomfortable about this, I mean... it was just sex, I don’t think it’ll ruin our friendship”

“Friendship?” Jaebum snorted, raising an eyebrow and I felt something cold run down my back at the tone of his voice.

“Well…yeah…I’ll just…I'd better take a shower back in my dorm, I'm sure BamBam and Yugyeom are wondering where I am” I felt the danger that my voice would break so I entertained myself putting on my pants.

“Fine.” It was all he said before he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Okay Choi Youngjae, don’t cry, you already knew that he was a total playboy and fuckboy, besides, it's part of your college life, everyone has one-night stands and that doesn’t affect them in their daily lives. It is part of growing up, Choi Youngjae, you need to stop thinking that sex is only for people with a stable relationship and for love; now you can boast with BamBam that you had sex with the University Casanova…or you don’t necessarily have to say it but you will have that memory. You definitely needed someone to fuck you that way so you would stop being so innocent.

After my mental scolding and finishing dressing, I slipped out into the hall, which was now brightly lit. I heard several voices down and I tried to regain my dignity before confronting what I was sure were the members of the fraternity, maybe they were used to say goodbye to girls in the morning, but not to a boy.

"I swear to you man! Every day he saw you as if you were the most beautiful thing in the universe. You fulfilled his wettest dream by fucking him” a conversation floated down the stairs to the landing.

"I know dude, I was the one who faced that looks every day” that was Jaebum’s voice “Well yeah, he's a good person, he's very talented and his laughter is somehow scandalous, but everything told me that he was the typical virginhick but pff... even though he was so wasted I didn’t had my expectations high, but that little mouth of his loves sucking cock and believe me, he does it like a professional; oh, and his cute little ass…man! So round, pale and his asshole so pink and un-touched. I have a video on my phone of him riding my cock like the slut I bet he is like really on the inside” both laughed and my fists were so tight I felt the nails digging in my hand, maybe I was even bleeding now “but the battery died, I’ll show you later.”

“You sure have to! Maybe we can get some other boy to play around with” the dark-haired boy laughed and tears began rolling down my cheeks. “Guess you have a booty call ready and it’s a good one.

“Yes…he’s a good one, but this was it. I don’t even want to get closer to him again, I bet like he’s like the ones that you fuck and think you already are in love with them. I think that he was expecting me to say that we will start dating or something.” Jaebum snorted “No, thanks. I mean, he’s a great singer and composer and all that, but he’s still a kid, I don’t want to date at all, much less a freshman who still thinks he’s still in high school.”

“I bet he is...but you had to come to his rescue and fuck him good so he can understand what this is all about, didn’t you? Now he’s going to have more success around here if you spread that little video you have” both laughed and their scornful laughs were my last call to get the fuck out of there, with tears of shame, anger and humiliation rolled down my cheeks “Anyways, are you coming tonight? There’s going to be this girl from Theatre that is willing to open up for you…”

A kind of buzzing sound was heard in my ears, blocking out any sound other than the one in my heart beating against my chest, the echo of Jaebum's words “I don’t even want to get closer” repeated themselves over and over in my mind. With tears in my eyes, I walk as fast as possible toward the exit.

In the living room were Jaebum and a boy I had seen by his side, honestly I didn’t care what his name was and I even don’t want to find out who he was.

I suppose Jaebum saw me because I could hear him calling my name quietly but I ignored him, he had said that he didn’t want to approach me again and honestly, I also had no desire to keep in contact with him after having heard the way he referred to me.

I went out into the street, wiping the tears from my cheeks. If he had already humiliated me by calling me a fool and so, I wasn’t going to allow myself to humiliate myself by crying and feeling bad because of him. If Jaebum didn’t even consider me as his friend, acquaintance or whatever, I couldn’t lower myself to cry for him and again, I thought over and over again that this was only part of growing up and maturing, this experience served to learn from my mistakes.

And the learning of this time was never to speak to him again or interact in any way with any boy with a reputation for sleeping with anyone and much less, I was going to talk ever again with Im Jaebum.

Or so I thought until then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Thursday! YAY!!  
> Tomorrow I present my thesis :v I can't -cries-  
> Please, don't hate Jaebum, I know he's a douche, but...don't hate him...too much!


	5. Positive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot today it's thursday! (I have 40 minutes until it's friday here where I live)   
> I am sorry for that.

3 months later

Finals.

Damn finals.

Fucking finals. Fucking university. Fucking teachers. Fucking life.

I had never felt so tired, stressed and beat in my entire life.

Each teacher asked homework, each teacher wanted to deliver papers on the same day and the next day all of them gave us our final exams.

I totally hated them.

But what I hated most was that my body didn’t withstand so much stress and I was sick every two weeks.

If it was not the flu, it was an upset stomach, or nasal congestion, contractures, extreme tiredness, insomnia, low back pain, I even got to the point of suspecting I had a herniated disc as my back pain was too severe.

However, I didn’t had the time to fully recover, or even feel the disease at its best and take my time to rest and recover myself.

My nights were meant to study, compose, write, write essays, read and sleep for a few hours; my mornings began, most of the time, throwing up the little I had been able to eat for breakfast (sometimes the vomiting occurred before I even ate something) and then go to classes, fight to not fell asleep and then feeling more overwhelmed by the fact that they seemed to deliver more homework besides from the final projects. I didn’t even had time to rejoice myself from reaching an octave higher than the highest note I had reached in my life, nope, not time to be happy or celebrate, I was so out of my mind and was desperate for the teacher to end the class so I could leave and finish an essay. In the afternoons I would go to work after having eating hurriedly, if it was a good day, it could stay in my stomach, if not…well…I already knew where the loneliest and cleanest toilets were on campus, so I could vomit at peace; at work I had to always remember myself to smile and be nice to all the customers, force my brain to remember all orders and pray to heavens that the heavy tray wouldn’t fall of my shoulders as my arms were to fatigued to support such weight; after finishing work at midnight or 1am at the most I came back to the dorm to continue with that cycle of torture my semester had been.  

There were days when it was tolerable, but other days all I wanted to do was to turn myself into a ninja an do a multi shadow clone Jutsu to be able to split into many Youngjaes and be able to complete all the tasks I had to do during the day, and above all, I needed to have a clone especially to ignore Im Jaebum.

the day after our little adventure, half of the major already knew and by Monday only the very antisocial had not heard of what had happened; something that didn’t even had to be since Jaebum had already slept with half of the campus, or my own classmates slept with each other and nobody cared, why now? Were they really so excited that the cliché of all clichés had occurred close to them? Had they never heard of the handsome, rich student, born with a gold spoon in his mouth that slept with the country bumpkin, innocent and not popular student? Screw them.

Yes, of the few things I was able to remember was that the experience had been delicious and pleasant, so delicious and pleasant that I would found myself fantasizing with the memory of his hands running all over my body, but not because of that I was going to meet him or speak to him again.

We stopped walking together to class, when we were both in the courtyards of our respective jobs I only dedicated myself to do the task for which I was in the yard, without even bothering to look at him and when we were done with work I was no longer disturbed by the different person picking him up from work, he would later have the consequences in his reputation or his health.

The Composition class had been a matter a little bit more tense, the first class after the incident, which unfortunately had been a Monday, the situation between us was so tense that we were about to raise our voices and star yelling at each other (or maybe we had already done it), so Professor Kim had to intervene, he didn’t had to investigate much to realize what was happening between us, and to my pleas after class, he let me work alone and even made us sit very apart from each other.

And finally I was in the last presentations, I had already delivered most of the works and projects and had just to wait to the last presentation for the class of Professor Kim, who had decided in doing it “more interesting” making all of us perform our songs in a “Gala Concert”.

He had planned to do it on the last day of the semester in one of the biggest auditoriums in the campus, and, according to rumors, this was a popular event, it was so popular that several agents from different companies (such as MS, PYJ, GY, FishTank, etc.) will attend undercover, and, as it was a class for seniors, they would recruit composers or singers for such companies; that made the environment tense and full of expectation for the big day, and I couldn’t be less interested, I only wanted to have my grade and be able to finish the semester so I could sleep like a bear for three days and then go back to my hometown for a few healing days.

The Big Day came and I was sitting on the backstage, moving nervously from side to side, I was more nervous as that was the first time I had a full performance in a stage (singing in front of my parents or classmates didn’t count as it wasn’t in a stage as big as that) and I obviously had all kind of fears, some logical such as I would forgot the lyrics or my voice could crack, but some others were kind of illogical, like one of the lights breaking up and falling on top of my head.

The knot in my stomach got tighter as time passed by and listened to my classmates songs, which were absolute amazing. I began to bite my nails and couldn’t stop running my hand through my newly dyed sandy blond hair. BamBam had told me that the best way to forget all bad memories and thoughts from my mind was intoxicating my head with peroxide, so that’s why I was dragged into a hairdresser for a much needed makeover, although I was very happy with the change, the blond of my hair made me look paler and as attractive as I never imagined I could look, and as I had lost five or six kilos, I looked more mature than before. I finally had stopped looking like a teenager or a high schooler.

I breathed in and out calmly and hummed the song in my mind over and over, my fingers playing in my thigh as if it was the piano, all that to try to not forget the lyrics or the melody as there was only a few students before my turn. Finally Professor Kim called my name and I went out on stage, feeling my mouth dry and not being able to see anything in front of me due to the reflector that focused on me.

I sat at the piano with trembling hands, but felt a little better as I wasn’t able to see the audience thanks to the powerful lights, but still, my heart beat fast against my char and after taking another deep breath my fingers began playing the melody I had written in those sleepless night, I closed my eyes and imagined I was alone in my bedroom and began singing.  

_Words I can never hear from you_

_I remember your words_

_Telling me to just stay by your side_

_Why does my wounded heart_

_Keep searching for you_

 

_Now that you leave me and whatever you do_

_I hope that you think of me_

_That your days without me_

_Are as sad as mine_

_Why am I the only one in pain?_

_Why do I miss you all day like this again?_

 

_It digs deep inside_

_Your actions, the way you talk, every little thing becomes crystal clear_

_Why does my foolish heart do this?_

_Why am I hurting more?_

_I don’t get it at all_

_Your callous expression hurts me_

_I’m in a lot of pain_

 

_The days I spend without you, they hurt so much_

_How did you and I end up like it, it hurts so much_

 

_I see all the things I did with you_

_When I see how you’re happy without me_

_A part of my heart aches_

_I hope that you are unfortunate with your current man_

 

_Now that you leave me and whatever you do, I hope that you think of me_

_When I walk without you, I look so insignificant_

_Why am I the only one in pain?_

_Why do I love you all day like this again?_

 

_Every day passes and my heart still hurts_

_But you are completely fine_

_You won’t even think about memories when_

_We laughed when we enjoyed things together and cried when we fought_

_Now it’s a path of no return_

_I keep getting tired, I can’t see the path in front of me_

_Between calm and passion, which is the answer_

_Why is my heart ahead of my head?_

 

_It digs deep inside_

_Your actions, the way you talk, every little thing becomes crystal clear_

_Why does my foolish heart do this?_

_Why am I hurting more?_

_I don’t get it at all_

_Your callous expression hurts me_

_I’m in a lot of pain_

 

_The days I spend without you,_

_They hurt so much, how did you and I end up like it, it hurts so much_

 

_This is what I’m telling you_

_I hope that you listen to this song_

 

I had no idea how I was able to finish the last note, stand up with my legs feeling like pudding, bow to the audience, watch Jaebum clapping with his mouth slightly open and with trembling legs I headed off the stage.

My stomach decided it was a good moment to return all the fear, but, as it did suddenly, I only managed to run off the stage and lean on something that looked like a trash can.

I vomited loudly, listening to someone yell at someone and a few hands rubbed my back, telling me soothing words and also telling me how great my performance had been.

"Youngjae? Are you feeling good?” a voice too familiar was heard near me and a warm hands remove some hairs that stuck to my forehead. _‘Can’t you see I’m throwing all the kimbap I ate in the morning?’_ was all I could say in my mind to that strange person.

"He's very pale," another familiar voice said.

"I’m sure it was the nerves, he had never sung in front of so many people” the first voice spoke again, his voice was deep and too familiar, but I couldn’t investigate who was it as I was trying to breathe to calm my puking session.

“Yah...Kim Taehyung?” that was Jaebum’s voice, I was sure of that because of his very well known ‘yah’, but Taehyung? Jaebum had said Taehyung…Taehyung…

“Taehyung?!” I exclaimed, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and turning my head towards I heard his voice.

And definitely, it was Kim Taehyung, the Kim Taehyung I knew, the one I loved, with whom I shared so many moments and I had more than three years without seeing him. There he was. Squatting besides me, with his brown hair in that mushroom haircut he loved so much and I hated, his dark eyes were looking at me with concern.

“He’s going to faint” I read his lips, oh, that was the reason I wasn’t able to hear him or my surroundings and everything was turning dark. Wow.

I guess I did fainted, as when I regained consciousness I was lying in a couch and the left side of my face kind of hurt, I guessed it was because of face planting to the floor after fainting.

I felt so weak, again I felt as if a truck had run over me, I coughed and started to sit up when a soft hand was pressed against my forehead.

"Welcome back," a rather tall and tan boy smiled at me, he didn’t looked much older than me “How are you feeling?”

"How should I feel?" I asked in a raspy voice, sitting carefully.

“Don’t worry, you’re not the first one to faint after a performance for Jaejoong’s class” the young boy laughed and I hear a snort in one of the corners of the room, there was my teacher “my name is Cha Hakyeon, I’m a nurse” he said, straightening his back and grimacing, he rubbed his abdomen, an abdomen that looked quite swollen.

“You are p…” it escaped from my lips and Hakyeon smiled, rubbing more eagerly his belly.

“Yes, I am pregnant” he sighed “Very pregnant actually, I’m about to burst in a few days or weeks, and yet…they still have me working.” He snorted.

“It’s not my fault that you were the only one with first aid knowledge” Professor Kim said, approaching me.

“And that’s just because Taekwoon came here to recruit” the tan nurse said, putting a weird device in my index finger and another on my wrist “You were lucky that I had my oximeter and baumanometer in my backpack just because I’ve been feeling bad lately.”

"How do you feel, Youngjae?" Professor Kim asked, putting a hand on my shoulder, holding out a bar of chocolate.

"Weak," I said, taking the chocolate with a slight smile. "But I'm definitely ready to sleep for about three days." I said with a sigh, opening the chocolate.

"You deserve to sleep for three days, your song deserves a 10. You should thank Jaebum for that," the professor told me, patting my back.

“I wasn’t thinking on Jaebum when I wrote that song, I don’t think about Jaebum at all anymore, why should I think about him?” I said reproachfully with my mouth full of chocolate.

“I’m just joking, but it’s okay, you can sleep peacefully, you have a complete 10, that was one of the best songs of the night, if not the best song, it can almost compare to my composing” the Professor joked and Hakyeon snorted again, I just smiled and gave another bite to the chocolate "I'm glad to see you liked the chocolate. Eat, and when you feel better I’ll take you to your dorm.” The young teacher said, his hand rubbing absently Hakyeon’s abdomen, who was standing next to him “Meanwhile I can rub this belly, oh God…how much I miss mine, but guess you are lucky to not get as big as I got.”

“Well, as Taekwoon told me that you were quite skinny when you got pregnant the second time, so I guess that’s why you felt so big” the nurse said, waddling towards a chair to sit in there, stretching his legs that were began to get swollen.

“You were pregnant too, Professor? Oh no…” I stopped midsentence as my stomach grumbled again and felt that more than familiar nausea. “Please not again…” I sighed, covering my mouth with one hand.

“Are you getting sick again?” Hakyeon asked me, picking up a nearby trash can and giving it to me, I hugged it as if my life depended on it.

"I’m sorry…it’s just that lately I’ve been throwing up most of the things I eat” I said, taking long and deep breaths. “I’ve been feeling like this for about three weeks. I’ll be fine once I vomit what I ate. It’s just that I’ve been under so much stress that my defenses went down incredibly; If I don’t have a cold, I’m puking, I have a stomach ache, bone or joint pain, migraines, problems with my back…a lot of symptoms I’ve never felt before.”

“And you feel tired all the time?” Professor Kim asked, and I just nodded since the nausea threatened me more. I saw with the corner of my eye how the two adults glanced at each other.

"How long ago did this begin?" This time it was Hakyeon who asked.

“I don’t know, about three weeks ago, maybe. My body just exploded one day from another, like I said, I’ve been so stressed and my body wasn’t used to all that stress, it’s just my stomach that is made a mess” I said, now taking the bottle of water the nurse offered me “I hadn’t even had time to go to the doctor for some vitamins or something.”

“Youngjae, I know it’s strange that I ask but, have you discarded a pregnancy?” Hakyeon asked me, his voice was careful.

“Pregnancy?” I asked, a little surprised “why would I be preg…?” I stopped abruptly, seeing as Hakyeon started to look at me with…pity?

“Listen, I don’t want to alarm you, maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s just stress, like you said” Hakyeon spoke, trying to calm me down, but a strange sensation had run thrown my back and had lodged in my stomach and It wasn’t nauseas “It’s just for precaution. At this point in humanity you just don’t know who are the men that were born with this…privilege. I mean, I’m not trying to say that you had…homosexual sex…but…”

“It’s best to discard it completely, especially after what happened in the beginning of the semester. Did you guys used protection?” Professor Kim interrupted the nurse and a chill made me shudder.

“No…” I sighed and both adults stared at me with pity and worry in their eyes “No we didn’t…I mean…we were so wasted and high that we didn’t stopped to think about a condom.” I felt like crying and hid my face between my hands. “God…it sounds like I sleep with everyone and that I get drunk and high all weekends…I don’t even sleep around with everyone…it was just one time, it was just that time!.”

“Youngjae, don’t panic yet, it’s just for precaution, I’m not saying that you are pregnant, just…” the Professor hurriedly said, seeing my panicked state.

“Just take a home test, it’s the same hormones that are in the urine, so it would work perfectly. And…if you want I can give you the number of the doctor that attended our pregnancies. He’s the only doctor in Korea that treats this cases. But please, like Jaejoong said, don’t panic it’s just so we can be sure that you don’t have the mutation, but…”

“But I’m a man, I don’t…” I stared at the nurse, who was standing with his belly protruding and felt like I was going to faint again “That I like men doesn’t mean that I’m a woman…”

Pregnant? Me? Was it really possible? I had never seen a man pregnant, it was literally my first time seeing a man in that state. Until I came to the capital I had more contact with people who openly declared their homosexuality. How was I supposed to discard a pregnancy now? How the hell was I supposed to know how to differentiate the symptoms of a disease from those of having a living human being developing inside of me?

I was not a fool, I knew exactly what it took to make a baby, and I had fulfilled most of the requirements, with a slight variable in the woman-man binomial, but anyway there was the constant of two people.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair with some strength. How did they wanted me to know all that I barely knew I was gay? No one had spoken to me about sexuality beyond the ‘normal’, how did they wanted me to know about the possibility of getting pregnant with gay sex? No one else knew I was gay, in my family and my town that was a topic that you never talked about, and the very few people that came out were labeled as abnormal and aberrations, what the hell was I if I was really pregnant?

Frustrated, I stood up and said good-bye to the teacher and Hakyeon hyung, I stepped out of the small office where I had been and hurried along, biting my lips, thinking how I could approach a store to buy something that I had never imagined buying, and much less being nineteen years old.

But one way or another, I was standing in front of a shelf that I had only approached once, and that was because I accompanied my sister, but I was about eight years old and didn’t really knew what was all that; but there I was again, standing in front of what looked something like a pink and white stain, since the letters and colors had faded just to that; my hand moved and grabbed two different tests, I walked towards the cash register, taking some milk in the wait, I didn’t want BamBam and Yugyeom complaining that there was no milk when I was about to take not just one, but two pregnancy tests.

I don’t know if the cashier saw me in a strange way, I don’t know if she gave me the right change or if I gave her the right money. I felt like if I was in a tunnel, so out of myself that it kind of remembered the sensation of being high, but now I was totally sane, it wasn’t a dream, for more that I prayed it to be.

I took the bag and left the store, not really seeing where I was going, I expected my automatic mode to take me home, and after all, that was the store where I had come with Jaebum on my first day here.

I went down the small steps where he’d be waiting for me, I still remember how handsome and sexy he looked, sitting comfortably with a cigarette between his lips, he had stared at me and at that moment I knew something was wrong by the way my heart raced, but know? I felt so much despair and anguish as I didn’t know if it was truth all the things the nurse said to me.

Some cold wind blew and I hugged tightly my body as I was only wearing a thin white shirt and didn’t have jacket, it was a relief that the wind began to flow as I was sure the tears were starting to threaten to run down my cheeks, and if there was some wind I could say it was because of that. Nonsense, Youngjae!

I rubbed my eyes with one hand and in that small moment of blindness I hit a hard and big lump, I staggered as I fell hard on my butt as I had the steps behind me, the bag I held in my hand flew and all its contents spilled around.

“Oh, shit...I'm so sorry!” apparently, the lump I collided with was a person, who at that moment was kneeling beside me “did you hit yourself….? Choi Youngjae?” it was again that low and familiar voice from the auditorium.

“Yes?” I looked up and thanked that I was still sitting on the floor, as I was sure I would have fell on my butt again “Kim Taehyung?!”

The first time I had seen him I wasn’t that sure it was him, but now I could totally confirm it. Kim Taehyung was kneeling next to me, smiling with his square smile, his chocolate brown hair fell over his forehead and made me look at his eyes that were shinning with joy.

“Hey! I went to your presentation and saw how you collapsed and all, I even saw where Jaebum took you but I went out to buy something sugary to help you and when I returned you weren’t there” he said, staring at me with his beautiful eyes and I went momentarily blank.

"Yes...I'm sorry...I...hmmm..." I stammered, feeling like I was slowly blushing, the bag had come out of my hands and I was terrified that the contents had been scattered, but Taehyung’s gaze was so intense that it I could look the other way, or move from where I had been “Just let me…pick up…”

“Oh! Right, I’m sorry” and to my luck I saw with horror how he began to lean over the scattered contents.

“Don’t!” I screamed, throwing myself towards the little pink box and the milk “I mean, don’t worry, this is all…” I stopped when I saw how he picked up the second test, that had landed a little bit closer to him, and was watching it with a small frown “yeah…humm…thanks, ah…yeah…how have you been? Why did you last three years to contact me?” I spoke quickly, wanting to change the subject, snatching the test of his hands with a slap.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” It was the first thing he asked, the deception clearly marked on his face.

"Oh, no, no, no, no," I said, frantically moving my hands, definitely my cheeks were now as red as BamBam’s sexy underwear “it’s for…” obviously I couldn’t tell him it was mine “it’s for the girlfriend of one of my roommates.” Pft, I was sure that between Jackson and BamBam, BamBam was the bottom and Yugyeom had never showed any interest in any girl or boy. Pft. Great excuse, Youngjae, just great, bravo. “They couldn’t get the courage to buy it so the ask me to buy it, as a favor” it was really complicated and I really hoped Taehyung had forgotten how to notice I was lying. "Oh, well, that's fine.” typical Taehyung, just smile openly and shake his hand to dismiss it “Let’s go drink something, my treat. So we can talk and update each other on all that has happened in these past three years.

"I'd love to, believe me, but I'm very tired and I just want to sleep” OK, I really just want to go home, lock myself in the bathroom and do the fucking test once and for all.

"Do not worry, no problem." Again he smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "I can accompany you to your dorm, I heard you live in front of Jaebum and them." He motioned me and we started walking toward the building.

"Is that all that you were told or that’s all that you heard?” I asked, fearful, remembering the precious gossip that had been done about three months ago.

“Yes, just that, so you’ll have to tell me everything you have done all these years. How come this is your freshman year?”

“I failed the first exam, I had to wait for the audition” I sighed “you? Why did you lost all contact with me all these time?”

And that's how we began a long talk of everything that had happened to us. He told me how he lost his cell phone and all his contacts in it, how each new semester he searched excitedly for me in the halls in hopes of meeting me, without success, obviously. He had made friends with several of the same major, but he had never committed romantically to anyone, and, according to him, he had had a very few one-night stands, so he made me feel a little bit guilty.

A few minutes passed before we recovered our old charm, we had reached the door of my dorm and we stood there for a long time, just talking and laughing, the echo of our laughter echoed in all the hallway and most important of all, he had made me forgot for a while my current problem.

However, I couldn’t flee away from reality as much as I wanted to, as, when we have been there for at least forty minutes, Jaebum came out of his dorm, using some sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, there was a backpack in his shoulder and it was kind of obvious he was going to the gym.

“Yeah…now I get why there was so much noise” he murmured to himself “Hey! Taehyung! You came back at last! I bet YoungJae cried everyday he spent without you” he said in a scathing tone and we both frowned.

"Hello, Jaebum hyung," Taehyung replied, a little surprised by his remark, I began to beg the whole heavenly court for Jaebum not to come out with his usual comments, and for Taehyung to remain just as clueless and not being able to understand them.

"Well, I'll leave you two guys alone. I’m not going to take more time from Youngjae, I’m sure he’s tired of jacking off and sleeping around just because he couldn’t fuck you” Taehyung frowned even more and I immediately felt the need to hit him in the face with the gallon of milk and stick both pregnancy tests in his nose, but, as in reality I was too coward to do that, my face redden with anger and my ears became hot “Well, I trained him well, no…wait…more like, you left him well trained for me and the others? The way he rides cock is not the way a person who just had sex one time would move, and let’s not forget his abilities to suck cock…wonderful…” Jaebum sighed and Taehyung raised his brows, looking at me with doubt in his face.

"Enough, please, enough" I said, my voice filled with fury, what I needed least at the moment was those kind of comments in front of me and especially Taehyung. "Goodbye, Taehyung, I'll see you later, I have to go now.” I took a deep breath and smiled sadly at him, he smiled back, but still quite confused.

“It’s good to have you back, dude!” Jaebum said excitedly, giving him an affectionate pat on his back “we need to catch up, I have so many things to tell you” he pulled Taehyung down the hall and smiled back at me quite malicious.

I went inside my dorm furious, I slammed the door and threw my shoes anywhere as I wiped my tears with rage, turning my face even redder. I heard a commotion in the living room, and as I entered I saw BamBam and Jackson fixing their clothes and getting as far as possible from each other on the couch, well, at least they were too entertained to hear the scandal from outside.

“Hi, Youngjae!” Jackson greeted me with joy, covering his neck, trying to hide the big hickey on the side. “I loved your song, it was…too emotional.”

"Thank you," I said in a tearful voice and put the gallon of milk in the refrigerator.

"What’s wrong, Hyung?" BamBam asked, realizing my tears.

"Nothing." was all I said before locking myself in the bathroom.

Tears streamed down my cheeks once I was out of sight of the others, I took both tests out with shaking hands and took them out of their respective packaging, I sniffed as I tried to understand the instructions, they weren’t complicated and once I got over the step of ‘ _Pee in the padded part or collect the urine in a container and make sure the padded lines are completely covered’_ I left the tests on the toilet and sat on the floor, with my back against the wall and I just waited.

I had never suffered so much from waiting, any other nervous feeling outweighed what I was feeling at that moment; I could feel my stomach turning into knots and somehow I managed to feel my heart in my throat, my head was spinning; what was only five minutes became hours in which my heart kept beating fast and I sweated a lot, enough to soak my shirt and a few strands of hair stuck to my forehead and the nape of my neck.

After the necessary time passed, I took both tests with my eyes closed, I didn’t have enough guts to see my future. There’s nothing that can prepare you for a moment like that and, definitely, never had seen myself in this type of situation in my future plans, and the fact that had to speed up things and skip a few years in my life didn’t make it better.

I was only nineteen years old, I barely knew how to take care of myself, and I hadn’t had an independent life until the moment I move to Seoul. What was I supposed to do if the test came out positive? Should I tell Jaebum? Jaebum wasn’t at a better situation than mine, about to graduate from college, with an even more immature mentality than me, I was sure that he didn’t cared about anything that wasn’t parting and continuing to enjoy his life without any responsibility before facing adulthood and the responsibilities it came with it, and certainly a baby was a huge responsibility, for him and for me.

What were my parents going to say? They had been very excited when my sister got pregnant within a few months after getting married, and my brother was newlywed and I knew they were anxiously waiting for the news that they would have another grandchild. But me having a baby? That seemed like an immediate heart attack, besides, they also didn’t know that I was gay. What if the disowned me or I was responsible for their deaths? What if I was just left alone? My part time job provided enough for me to live a humble life, a baby required a lot of things and money and they needed a safe environment to grow in. if I was left alone and unprotected I wasn’t going to give the baby all it deserved.

The knot in my throat got tighter and I had a little difficulty breathing, so I decided to end my martyrdom once and for all, I still had some hope that I was just the imaginations of two adults who always thought the best of the youth and I would end up laughing and maybe calling Taehyung to hang out a little bit more.

I opened my eyes and immediately tears flooded my eyes and spilled down my cheeks, a strange sob came out of my mouth and I started to cry like a two year old who was just denied candy.

The tests slipped from my hands and I didn’t made an effort to pick it up, I didn’t wanted to see it again, as if not seeing it would change the fact that both had come out positive.

I had two pregnancy tests fucking positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sick" is just so...awesome I HAD to put it in here, and it fits SO WELL with this 2jae situation (evenifhesaysit'snot)  
> Fuck I am not Jaejoong biased at all! (YESIAMWHOAMIKIDDINGIAMAFUCKINGPROUDCASSIOPEIA) and YESSSS!! NEO HERE!!! (LOlsomanyshipsinoneplace)   
> Taehyung's back!!! DUNDUNDUUUUUUN!!!!   
> Youngjae is going to have a baby!!!! (cofcoforisitjustonecofcof) 
> 
> Thanks for the hits, comments, kudos, and bookmarks! It's always a pleasure to hear from you!   
> See you next thursday! (I swear I will set an alarm)   
> OH SHIT! I am running out of already written chapters (only one more left), gotta speed things up with the muses!   
> Bye!   
> P.S Ijsutatechocolatethat'swhyiamsohyperidon'tevenknowanymorebye


	6. Terminal Disease

"Youngjae, please!" Open the door!” I heard BamBam's voice behind the door, it sounded kind of desperate and his fist banged the door. "At least please tell me that you haven’t slit your wrists and you’re bleeding to death in the tub or something” his voice was really desperate.

I knew that if I had been in BamBam’s place, hearing how my friend was howling and crying incessantly without saying a word, I would’ve also worried the shit out of me. But that wasn’t the time for me to be worried, it was my turn to be the person other people worried about, even though I had never really liked being the center of attention.

Good forty minutes had passed since I locked up inside the bathroom and took the pregnancy test and they turned out to be positive. BamBam had come immediately after hearing my crying (more like wailing) and had been trying to get me out of the bathroom, obviously failing to achieve his goal and had spent the last 10 minutes kicking Jackson out of the dorm, keep trying to make me go out or that at least I would make another sound that weren’t sobs, call Yugyeom and himself tried to knock the door down with his body, but being as thin as a toothpick he only managed to hurt his shoulder.

“Youngjae, please” BamBam begged again, it seemed like he was sitting outside the door “I don’t know who else to call” he even sounded like he was sobbing “did anything happened at the concert? Did people bullied you again?” I heard the dorm door opening and the sound of a heavy body running towards the small bathroom “should I call your family? Is there anyone in Seoul who can come quickly?

"How long has he been in there?” it was Yugyeom’s voice, who also tried to force the door “Youngjae please, help us understand, just…we can’t help you if you are locked in there, if it’s something as serious for you to cry that way then it’s not something that you should face alone, if we are together...well, maybe we can think something to fix it between the three of us. Together.”

“The problem is not that…the problem is that it’s something you can’t help me with” I sobbed at last, with the most congested voice of the world, standing up slowly and rubbing my swollen eyes “this problem is mine and mine only, well, mine and another person’s problem, but it’s basically me who ruined his life…” I muttered, opening the bathroom door, hearing their relieved sighs.

I left the bathroom looking messed up, I felt my entire body heavy and stiff, I felt like a zombie, I was still in automatic so I just sat in the couch, leaving the tests, that I had been squeezing tightly in my hand,  on the coffee table; I curled into a ball, hugging my knees and staring blankly at some place in the room, my vision was blurry and I was sure it was because of the huge amount of tears I had already shed and that my eyes were awfully swollen.

BamBam and Yugyeom approached quickly, gawking at the evidence. I guess that's the reaction that kind of tests do on people our age. Even in awe, they sat down at my side, slowly processing what that meant.

After a few moments in total silence (occasionally broken by my hiccups, well...I had bawled my eyes out for forty minutes, what else could I expect?), Yugyeom clenched his fists and sniffled through his nose like an angry bull and BamBam kept throwing panicked glances at the test, then staring at me and going down to my belly, as if he was expecting that a baby would sprout out of me at any moment.

"Can I kill him?" Yugyeom said between his clenched teeth. “If he was planning on having sex with you and did all that to get into your pants at least he should have worried about wearing a fucking condom, at least.” He snorted again and it was kind of intimidating, we had never seen him so upset.

“You haven’t been drunk enough, then, Yugyeom” BamBam sighed, putting his hand in my shoulder with some fear “also, there is no “would have”, however there is the “we can”, so we can tell him how he got the balls to get Youngjae hyung pregnant and then we can kill him” I couldn’t help but giggle at how silly those words sounded “what are you going to do? Who knows?”

“Only you two” I sobbed and suddenly that little question ‘what are you going to do?’ pierced my chest like a small dagger, sinking deeper as a thousand thoughts invaded my mind.

I knew that abortions were legal throughout Korea, several of my companions had ever talked about someone getting one or something like that; if I told Jaebum and he agreed on getting an abortion I was sure he would finance everything, but, did I really wanted to kill a living being?

There was also the option to give the baby to adoption, there were thousands of families scattered throughout Korea who could not procreate, these families had the willingness and love to receive a baby born out of wedlock, but how could I entrust a human being to some totally unknown people? It was almost like playing God, giving a baby to unknown hands, people who could be abusers of children, pederasts, beaters, alcoholics, drug addicts, even more dysfunctional families than my situation.

And most obviously, if I decided to keep the baby, what kind of life would I give it to him? I was barely 20 years old, I was starting mu college career, a career that would gave me a tricky profession and it didn’t give me the certainty that I would have a stable job as soon as I graduated; I currently had a part-time job and the paycheck was good enough to pay my part with the groceries and rent, but I didn’t have any luxuries for a long time, I lived up to the day or just the week. A baby needed thousands of diapers, milk, more food, clothes every month for how fast they grow up and everything else, al that for more than 18 years. What part could Jaebum do? Would he be mature enough to accept at least sending a few bills a month enough to survive? People were going to kick me out of the dorms? If they kick me out, my parents would have me back with them? I would have to leave school and come back later, if I didn’t have a problem with who would take care of my child while I was at work or at school.

Shit.

I was ruined, totally. My whole life had just taken a 180-degree and had thrown me right into an abyss of hopelessness and desolation.

"Youngjae, we need you to breathe more slowly or you'll end up fainting." BamBam told me, slapping my back hard to get my out of my panic attack “it wouldn’t be better if you confirm it first?” he suggested, his voice sounded far away, I blinked a couple times to get back to reality “Like with a doctor or something, this may be fake, you know false positives, my sister had one once.”

“It's two fucking tests, BamBam," I said with a little more aggressiveness than I had planned.

“Maybe the brand is faulty or something” Yugyeom also said, placing his manly hand on my thigh and patting it tenderly. The three of us sat for a while in total silence, I was just staring at the test, praying for the result to change from one time to another “I had thought that the one who would get pregnant during the career would be BamBam, you know, he almost screamed in the library that he needed sex.” The younger added and the alluded threw a cushion at his face and I started laughing at the memory.

BamBam folded his arms quite mad and I laid across the couch with my head resting against his thin legs, still laughing lazily at the childish argue the two friends had gotten into, slowly their  voices began to fade and the tiredness of that day made me fell asleep.

I woke up the next day near noon on BamBam’s bunk bed, who was stuffing clothes into the big suitcase he had been dragging around campus the first day we met. Everything seemed like a strange nightmare, the typical trippy and hallucinating dream you have after a copious dinner very late at night, however, realty struck me like a lighting when the already known nauseous feeling appeared and BamBam approached me with caution, speaking slowly and at a low volume, the kind of volume you use at someone who is at a hospital.

“Hey” he greeted me “How are you feeling?” I just shrugged my shoulders, still feeling somewhat sleepy and tired “Yugyeom was researching on the internet things and he found the phone number of the doctor that treats pregnancy in men here in Seoul, we are going to pay the fee between the two of us and we already got you and appointment for today in the afternoon, you know, so you can totally confirm it.” He sat next to me and I pursed my lips “my idea was for all three of us to go together, but I booked the plane tickets to go back to Thailand for today since the beginning of the semester and it’s already too late to change them. My plan was to spend all the holidays with my mom, but if something happens I’m going to return immediately, maybe I’ll just spend Christmas there and be back here to New Year’s Eve, I don’t want you to be alone. But still Yugyeom is going with you to the appointment if there is no one else to go with you or if you don’t want…Jaebum with you.”

“Thank you so much for this, really” I blinked several times to eliminate any trace of tears In my eyes “AS the semester is finished I can get a full time job, so I can pay you guys back. And you don’t have to worry about me, you go and enjoy your family, I know how much you miss them” I would never confess to the Thai boy that I heard him cry in the first nights we started living together, and I could sense a change in his attitude after hanging up with his mom everyday he called her. “And I’m sure Yugyeom also has also things to do and wants to spend the holidays with his family. I’ll be fine alone, besides, Taehyung is back so…I don’t know maybe I could ask him to…I don’t want to tell Jaebum yet, just until I figure things out.” my voice broke down.

"Taehyung your ex-boyfriend?”

"Yes, Taehyung my ex," I sighed heavily. "I think it would be cruel if I ask him to come with me."

"Well, yeah…kind of” BamBam agreed, as honest as ever.

"Anyway, it's okay, I can go alone.” I assured him, sitting on the edge of the bunk and BamBam stood up again, going back to his suitcase “at what time is the appointment?”

“At 4 o’clock, I have to be at the airport at about that time, so we can take an Uber together and drop you on the way” he shrugged and put a few more clothes in his suitcase.  

"You really plan to take all your clothes? You're going to go for less than a month” I asked, surprised to see that he was packing his suitcase to the top.

"You're right ..." he thought for a moment with his hand on his chin, "maybe I'll come back with more clothes than the ones I left with." and he resolutely pulled out a few clothes and began to line up his shoes.

I laughed a little and stood up, stretching my body and tried not to belch very hard, ugh, I had never had heartburn so early in the morning (yes, I knew very well that it was noon), I sat back in the bed, trying to gain courage to shower and have some breakfast/lunch before going to the doctor. Yugyeom entered the room resolutely, he had in one hand a packet of salty crackers who knows where he had gotten them and in the other had a large glass.

“Good morning, hyung, nauseous?” He handed me the package of crackers and left the glass on the desk “I read on the internet that eating crackers in the morning helps you to get rid of the nausea and it’s best to eat small portions but five times a day meanwhile the semester of the nausea ends.

“Trimester” BamBam corrected him “I also started to investigate and apparently there are no maternity clothes for men here in Korea” BamBam wrinkled his nose and Yugyeom and I rolled our eyes “so I'll go and see if there is something in Thailand, it has to be, or at least something not so feminine, although I'm sure your super-baggy sweatshirts will help you during winter.”

We rolled our eyes again and Yugyeom returned to the kitchen, BamBam continued packing and I gingerly put a cookie to my mouth, chewing slowly and begging it to stay in my stomach.

Apparently the people on the internet were wise, because half an hour later the crackers had served their purpose and I was able to drink the banana smoothie that Yugyeom had made me, I even took it with more affection since it was very rare that Yugyeom would treat me like his Hyung.

 After leaving the glass in the kitchen I laid on the couch as BamBam was having a crisis on the room as he didn’t knew what accessories he should take and had everything scattered on the room and he even occupied my bed; I zapped through the TV channels looking for something interesting to watch and I feel asleep watching some weird TV investigation program.

BamBam woke me up, again on the brink of hysteria, at two-thirty in the afternoon and shoved me into the shower, leaving some of my clothes that he had previously selected and told me that we had about 40 minutes to leave the house.

I undressed in a hurry, turning on the water so that the hot water would come out and as the bathroom filled with steam I stopped to stare at my body was before it changed completely.

I had never really been slim, but I was not chubby either, my hips were full and my flabby stomach was still there, but if I stared at it really good I could notice a small curve, the interesting thing was that it was a little above my belly button and not in the place baby bumps are supposed to be, so I just looked like I had a big lunch and had indigestion. I sighed and stood sideways in front of the mirror, trying to imagine how would I look fatter and convex, the stretch marks that would remain in my belly and for three seconds I wondered about how cute the baby would look with the mole I had under my eye or Jaebum’s two moles under his eyebrows, I even imagined his rosy and chubby cheeks.

"Youngjae! I can’t hear you’re actually showering!” BamBam yelled outside the door and I jumped before rushing to do what BamBam had ordered me.

Twenty minutes later I was freshly showered, changed and was helping BamBam to take out the thousand suitcases (only three, in fact) he had packed, with Yugyeom trying to call an Uber with his cellphone in his left hand and the right one had a suitcase while BamBam was struggling pulling the larger suitcase and a small backpack.

"Give me one." I said, clicking my tongue and pushing him aside to take the handle of the big suitcase.

"No, of course not, you're not going to carry anything," BamBam exclaimed, taking the suitcase back.

“BamBam, please” I rolled my eyes and this time Yugyeom took the suitcase that I had tried to take away “Gyeom-ah, I know that you are 183cm, but you will not be able to drag two heavy suitcases to the first floor on your own.”

“But you can’t carry heavy things, I don’t want the baby coming out here in the hall” Yugyeom answered and handed me one of my hoodies “put this on.”

“Really? We are about 30 degrees and its 3 o'clock! I'm going to boil myself in my own juices!” I said in an exasperated tone, "Guys, come on, I don’t have a fucking terminal disease. I'm just pregnant.”

“What?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FUCKING LOVE CLIFFHANGERS!?   
> WHO WAS THAT?! WHO HEARD?! TAEHYUNG? JAEBUM? HIS PARENTS? Oh my God!   
> Anywasy, you're all going to hate me because this is the last written chapter I have D: Soooo NOW WE HAVE TO WAIT! I swear I am working on it, but I have like...three days writing and deleting and rewriting again the same paragraph over and over (besides, I have a 7 MO baby and...she takes a bunch of my time while trying to put everything in her mouth :v)   
> So, let me know what you think and please don't leave me while I write and update! :D   
> I promise I will upload it as soon as I finish translating it and it won't be on a thursday :)   
> THANKS A LOT FOR READING!
> 
> BTW Yugbam are such cuties being so overprotective with Youngjae


	7. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's basically thursday now...I guess I didn't make you guys wait too much.   
> Lucky bastards <3

“What?!” A scandalized voice was heard from the other side of the corridor and I felt as if my soul went to my feet, the blood crammed in my face and my heart began to race.

I didn’t have to turn around to know whose voice was it, but still I turned slowly, watching a spectacular picture where Jinyoung and Jaebum were leaving their apartment, Jinyoung unable to hide the surprise in his face, since he was looking at me with round eyes and his mouth shaped in a perfect ‘o’; Jaebum alternated glances at me and my two static roommates; I sighed and squinted, none of that had to happen like that, to begin things with, Jaebum wasn’t supposed to find out about this whole situation until I had decided clearly what to do with this.

Jaebum cleared his throat and, taking me from one arm, he drew me away from the others, who were forced to engage in an uncomfortable conversation.

“Did I hear right? You are…what?” he hadn’t let go of my arm and his fingers were tight around my bicep, his gaze was cautious but I could still a frantic, frightened look.

"Yeah, you heard right," I said, trying to sound secure, but inside I was as terrified as he was “Or at least, that's what two different pregnancy tests said.” I sighed.

“And…?” the stuck up in his his mouth, he glanced nervously around him and cleared his throat once more. "Is it mine?"

“Unlike everything you said about me, yes; and if I remember correctly, you're the only person I've had anything to do with these last months, so again, yes.” I answered, keeping the eye contact and I could see the hopelessness beginning to take shape in his eyes “But I suppose you know that perfectly well, you created the rumors of me jumping from bed to bed.”

“And did you…” his voice cracked and it came out in a strange high-pitched tone.  "Have you confirmed it with a doctor?"

"That's where I am going now. Yugyeom and BamBam are the ones who got the number and, well…I don’t have much money so they are going to pay for the medical bill.” Jaebum gave them a furtive glance and the two minors did the same, Jaebum sighed and massaged the bridge of the nose “I didn’t know if I had to tell you…”

"What are you going to do if it's true?" He interrupted me, it seemed that at every moment he was getting paler.

“What do you mean?” I frowned.

"You know..." he looked away, making a grimace, kind of embarrassed.

“Getting an abortion?” I lifted an eyebrow and Jaebum nodded. "No. I don’t know. I don’t think so, do you want me to get an abortion?”

"Why would I have anything to do...?"

"Did you invited me to the party? Did you gave me alcohol indiscriminately? Did you took me to the bedroom? Did you gave me drugs to relax?” I spat at him and Jaebum began to admire the tip of his boots, not being able to look at me.

“Youngjae” BamBam called my name, carefully “we have to go, we are going to be late.”

"Yeah, okay” I hurried to say “listen, I'm not going to force you to anything, but…"

"I'll take you," Jaebum said. "You go, I'll take him" he told Yugyeom and BamBam, who could not help staring at him with their mouths open, even Jinyoung returned to the same surprised face. "Do you know where it is?” I was a bit taken aback by his sudden offer, but somehow I nodded “Good, I’ll wait for you downstairs, I’ll go get the car.”

And without another word or looking at me again, he hurried down the hall to the elevators. I was stuck to the ground, and apparently all my companions were the same, finally BamBam managed to move and beckoned Yugyeom to star moving, my feet moved slowly but in the end I was also walking towards the elevators, the three of us hopped into one in total silence and stayed like that until we reached the ground floor and went out in the lobby.

"Well...then...we'll see each other in a few weeks," BamBam said, turning to me with the concern embodied in his almond-shaped eyes, which this day were frozen blue thanks to the circle lens he was wearing.

“Do you still have service on your cell phone?” Yugyeom was now the one who asked “Don’t hesitate to call me as soon as you know something, something happens or it just becomes very uncomfortable to be in his company.”

“And you took video of the ultrasound, I want to see it with my own eyes as soon as you see it.” BamBam added and suddenly his arm had a strange tic, as if he was wanting to hug me “I will be stuck to my phone 24/7, no matter what time it is, you call me.”

“BamBam...you're always stuck on your phone 24/7” I tried to joke so they wouldn’t notice my eyes had become watery and the knot in my throat tightened “Have fun and enjoy your family, I’ll be…” the world ‘fine’ couldn’t come out of my lips, so I just sighed and look at them, trying to smile at them, good thing was a modern car parked in front of us.

"Wow...that's Jaebum." BamBam said, raising an eyebrow, admiring the modern car “in a fucking Camaro 2017…” he let out a strange sigh “and it’s black mate.”

“BamBam” Yugyeom reprimanded him “stop looking at his car, remember he is a total douchebag” he added, taking him by his forearm and dragging away.

I walked nervously towards the car, Jaebum was fiddling with his hands, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, and he ran his hands through his hair constantly or was adjusting his sunglasses over the bridge of his nose over and over again. He was obviously as nervous as I was.

"And where did this came from?” I asked, admiring the beautiful car as I was getting in. every part of it was a work of art.

"From my hard work." he replied simply.

“A Starbucks barista would have to work almost 12 hours a day for three years to be able to buy a 2017 car...”

"It's 2018," he sighed and we were on our way “Do you remember when we first met I told you my parents almost disowned me when they discovered I was bisexual?”

“You told me that?” I tried to look uninterested, but of course I remembered. It had been on my first day of school and we had been walking the campus in the beautiful light of dawn at seven in the morning.

"Yes, I told you” He ran a hand through his hair. "Well, turn out my parents did disinherited me and pretend they don’t have an only son most of the time, only when the semester ends and I have to show them my grades, which are very good, by the way, but they don’t feel proud in it because it’s a ‘very easy career’” he sighed and I almost felt bad for him “but my grandparents deposit a considerable amount of money every week since that day until this days, and they also pay for my credit card, so, you can say my grandparents gave me this car.”

“Then you are like...”

"Rich?" he smirked “Yes, something like that, I'm not a third generation chaebol," he added quickly, seeing that I had my mouth open. So I was right that Jaebum had the means to be able to pay for and abortion or baby support “Everyone in my family is a lawyer for several rich companies. In short, the Ims are the famous lawyers for the famous chaebols. That's why my family has so much money.”

"And if you have so much money why do you work?” I asked him “If I had that much money I wouldn’t have to work at all or live at crappy school dorms.”

“Because it's not as fun as it sounds” He grimaced “It's boring to be at home doing nothing, besides being a barista helps me to meet more people and have more dates.”

For three seconds I had thought that he would gave me an inspiring speech about how he hated money and take everything for granted thanks to the money, that he didn’t care that his parents had disinherited him for something that he loves as much as music and that there he learned how to survive as a normal middle-low class person; I tried not to snort, roll my eyes or sigh when he came out with such barbarism.

I was silent after that comment and the atmosphere became somewhat awkward, which Jaebum solved by turning up the volume of the radio, the awkward silence being interrupted by the popular songs that came out of the sound equipment and our sudden humming at our favorite songs.

It was a rather long trip since we had to go to the Gangnam district, and spending so much time in total silence was awkward as hell, but Jaebum didn’t spoke to me again and I didn’t wanted to force him to do otherwise, after all, this was the first time we were together, alone since that morning three months ago and his last words hadn’t been so pleasant, much less the attitudes that he showed days later.

“You know, I really liked all the songs that you composed during the semester” he finally spoke when we were at a traffic light near the building the doctor had his office “Specially Trauma and My Day, Professor Kim wouldn’t stop talking about it every time he assessed me for a couple songs I sent to different companies.”

"Oh ... thank you." was all I managed to say. How the hell did he remember the title of my songs?

"You have a very peculiar way of expressing everything you feel, what you have inside and your experiences throughout your life," he said, pausing for a moment and looking at me, biting his lips, he seemed to want to say something that he had stuck in his throat.

The traffic light turned green and Jaebum accelerated, looking back at the front, his brow furrowed a little as we approached the parking lot of the imposing building where the office was, I knew that building was no more than five stories, but for me it was immense and frightening; As Jaebum frowned, my hands began to sweat and tremble profusely, I felt the atmosphere too stifled (even though a few clouds of rain had begun to form) and I concentrated on slow breathing, avoiding to disturb myself much, wanting to think that they would not give me the news that would change my life completely.

"Listen Youngjae, I..." Again Jaebum broke the silence when he parked in an empty spot near The door “I am…” his voice broke once again and I couldn’t distinguish anything but panic in his eyes “I am only wishing that all of this is is…false, I swear, I am begging for this to be something else…anything but this. I know you’re as ready for this as I am.” He pursed his lips and unbuckled his seat belt, getting out of the car. “You don’t deserve this” I could heard him mutter before he began walking inside the building.

X

X

X

My mother told me that biting my nails would make me grow toads in my belly, later she told me that my pianist hands must be perfect and made me believe that if I bit my nails my ability to play the piano would deteriorate a lot, I believed that for a long time and I avoided that unpleasant habit I had at the moment of getting nervous; of course at that time she would be ashamed of me for the way my teeth would attack my thumbnail, moving my feet incessantly while waiting the Dr. Shin to attend us.

"Youngjae." I got startled when I heard my name, but it was just Jaebum, who had put his hand in my thigh, which was tirelessly moving “calm down, you’re getting on my nerves” he whispered and squeezed my thigh slightly.

"I'm going to vomit." I said, really feeling my stomach completely upset and I jumped to my feet.

“Right now?”  Jaebum asked, desperately. The receptionist and a young couple turned to see me when I stood up and my stomach stirred more eagerly.

"It's not like I can control this” I replied, hurrying to the bathroom I'd located as soon as we got in in case of an emergency, such as this.

I rinsed my face and mouth with cold water after having returned my stomach contents, I really hated the fact that that was the only thing that my stomach seemed to do lately and above all that, it didn’t cared a bit about where we were, as in those moments, I was sure that the thin door of the bathroom had not cushioned my arches, gags and splashing sounds.

"Youngjae?" Jaebum's voice was heard behind the door. "Are you okay? It's our turn now.” My heart fell to my feet.

“Yes. I'm fine" I said, more to myself than to the others, staring at my pale, frightened face in the mirror.

I left the bathroom feeling my legs like pudding, Jaebum saw me with severe concern on his face, he was also a little pale and I heard him gasp at every instant, as if his throat was dry. He let me first go into the office, where my surroundings were blurred a little as I saw so many strange diagrams of fetuses inside uterus and scale models of things that I could not understand at those times when my brain increased its electricity output to 200% for me to be able to keep walking, breathing, with my heart beating and to maintain my ability to speak.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen,” the doctor was the first to speak and we both made an awkward bow. "My name is Shin Hyesung." He smiled and I tried to stretch my cheeks but they didn’t seem to respond. "You must be Choi Youngjae?" He held out a hand to me, and it seemed as if I had swallowed me a rug as my mouth was dry as the Sahara dessert.

“Y-yes." I stuttered in a very low volume, fidgeting with my hands.

“And you are?” He asked Jaebum, who was standing a bit behind me, his face as pale that I camouflaged with the beige walls of the office.

“Im Jaebum” unlike his appearance, his voice was secure, he took a few steps closer to me and gave something that looked like a smile to the doctor, who seemed to be using all his power to not judge Jaebum for his tight fake leather pants, the heavy combat boots and the multiple piercings he had on his ears and the corner of his lips.

"Your partner, I suppose.”

"No," we both replied coldly, and the doctor shifted uncomfortably. "He’s just…he’s just the one that…well…you know” I finished and the doctor pursed his lips again, and again there was this feeling that he was trying not to judge us too hard.

"Well, well, sit down, guys.” He took his seat behind his desk and I sat down, or rather I dropped heavily on one of the chairs, Jaebum took a seat next to me, pulling back the chair away from me and from the desk. "I was very well informed of your case over the telephone, you have nothing to worry about, I will not judge you at all, no one in this office will.” The doctor said to us and something in his voice made me believe him, he turned around one of the frames that had on his desk “Besides, I know how all of this is, that’s why I decided to dedicate myself to it as when I got pregnant the first time no one was specialized in these cases, we are very few that were born with this small…mutation, to not call it a gift, as for many this isn’t a gift.” the photo seemed to be not so recent, but not so old; I could see Doctor Shin in casual clothes, with a baby of at least one year in his arms and two children hugging his legs, one apparently about 10 and another 8, next to the doctor was a tall manly man, whom the older children looked like incredibly. “This is my little family, my husband, Eric and I have been married for more than 18 years, obviously we didn’t knew at first that I was going to get pregnant, but several years later our oldest son surprised us…”

"Excuse me, I don’t want to be rude,” Jaebum interrupted “but…can we just…I mean we are here…because, I am just…”

“Are you just expecting this to be a lie?” The doctor asked, raising an eyebrow and Jaebum lowered his gaze, ashamed “tell me, Youngjae, how many tests you took?”

"Two," I answered said, "both positive.”

“What are the symptoms and how long you began to have them?” he asked again, writing something in his computer.

"I'm not 100% sure of when they actually started, I thought it was just a lot of stress, after all I am a freshman in college. At first it was exhaustion, then I had the flu all the time, joint pain, migraines, nausea, lots of vomiting, stomach cramps.” I enlisted “I didn’t knew they were something else because…well…” I glanced at Jaebum who was still crouched “it was only one time! I don’t have sex that often! Shit! I’ve only had sex on two occasions in my entire life and…I mean…I was just one time” I snapped “I can’t be pregnant” I babbled, running a hand through my hair “I mean…it was just one time! How I was supposed to know this could happen?”

“Most of the times men don’t realize they can get pregnant until they trigger the hormone disorder, in my case was trying to gain muscular mass” he laughed a little “there are many things that can alter the production of hormones and misbalance the amount of male and female hormones in a person with the mutation.”

"Can drugs do that?" Jaebum asked.

"Especially drugs," I sighed hopelessly, and Jaebum scratched his scalp quite hard “were there any drugs that night?”

"Also the first and only time I smoke weed” I said softly and now was Jaebum the one who began to move his legs frantically.

"Well, there's only one way to confirm this," the doctor said, pointing to a room that was next to the small office we were sitting in and my stomach knotted again. “I need you to go to that little room and lie down; the fastest way to confirm it, even faster than performing a blood or urine test, is with an ultrasound, there we will see what’s being cooked in the oven.” obviously it was a clear attempt of a joke, but neither Jaebum nor me were amused.

Laying down in that cold exploration table was the most frightening experience of my entire existence, I had a fairly wide field of vision so I was able to see clearly what was happening in my surroundings, to my right I could see a large flat screen and to my left was a strange machine that looked like a big ass computer; Jaebum had stayed by the doorway, getting paler, if possible.

"Well, there is already some growth in here” the doctor said once he lifted my shirt to reveal my abdomen, he put a sheet on my lap and ordered me to unbutton my pants. My hands couldn’t respond to my brain orders. Growth? What growth?! “When did you…you know?”

"Early September," I said, closing my eyes, feeling the doctor's hands apply some pressure in certain areas of my belly.

"It was August 24, actually.” Jaebum answered from the door. How the fuck did he remember the exact date?

"Well, we'll see which date matches the gestational age. “I felt a gold gel in my belly and some pressure in it afterwards “maybe we can’t see it very well if it’s not over 10 weeks yet, but, if the correct date is in august then we can…”

He left the phrase in the air and heard he did something in the strange computer, I held my breath and in the distance I heard Jaebum emitting a strange sound, between a sob and a sigh of despair, and, as if it were a novel, a dream, something too unreal, a frantic pounding began to be heard in the small office.

“Well!” the doctor exclaimed and I forced myself to open my eyes, staring at the ceiling and feeling how tears spilled down my cheeks. That. Couldn’t. Be. Happening. “I need you to see something, Youngjae.” I pursed my lips and turned my head towards the flat screen to my right.

There was a rather strange image, everything was gray and black, spots here and spots there, but two small bubbles of air were still visible and distinguishable, each with a little figure moving inside them, quite detailed figures, in fact.

Two bubbles. Two fetuses.

“Twins! How lucky!” the doctor exclaimed again and more tears began to run down my cheeks.

I was just a mixture of different emotions, I felt joy, I felt sadness, I felt euphoria but at the same time an incredible hopelessness. The sight of those two little beans that swam happily in me made my sobs come out of my mouth without being able to stop them, they were sobs of disbelief, but also of immediate love. Knowing that they lived in me, for me, made me feel an immense amount of love, and fear, but also made me fear I wasn’t worthy of that miracle.

What could I offer to those twins at my young age? Not within a family, not within a relationship at all. What his father could offer them, who still had the mentality of a fifteen-year-old boy who kept thinking that money buy everything.

Twins also meant double the money, double the things, double the exhaustion. I wasn’t going to be able to take care of two babies at the same time.

“And the dates match the one Jaebum said, the twins are 13 Weeks Old” the doctor confirmed “do you want a photo?”

I nodded, even in that trance of joy and disbelief, I sat up a little to see Jaebum, and I was interested in knowing his reaction.

And damn, he had reacted, he was grabbing the wall with one hand, he grabbed it so hard that his knuckles were white, he was biting the back of his opposite hand and several tears threatened to run down his cheeks. He swallowed, stared at me and the expression on his face was nothing more than disbelief, panic and regret, he looked again at the screen where the fetuses were still swimming happily inside me, not knowing of what was happening in the outside world. He ran a hand through his hair for the thousandth time and without saying a word he ran away from the office, slamming the door after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yup, Jaebum is STILL a douchebag. 
> 
> Yup, fucking twins. I fucking adore twins.
> 
> Yup it's fucking Eric and Hyesung from Shinhwa.
> 
> LOL!!! I AM BACK BIOTCHES!!! Ok no! but now you can call me and RN!!!! :D (I graduated last friday thank God!) but stilll, I think I was able to write more in class than now that I am free as a butterfly .-. but still I promise to update everything I have pending (HAVE YOU READ MY FIRST CO-WRITTEN FANFIC?! IT'S CALLED SHOW ME AND IT'S DADDY KINK!! GO GO READ IT NOW AS IT'S THE NEXT FIC I WILL UPDATE!) aaaaannnddd of course I have a lot of ideas in my mind (I have pending a birthday fic for the lovely Chocopieyj (she's also a mexican author with whom I have a good whatsapp friendship, we basically fangirl all day long, but we get serious sometimes) cofcofit'sbasicallyushavingwildsexwithmarkandbambamcofcof and I think I have an idea for a YugBam, I just ship YugBam so much this days, I even might change this from JackBam to YugBam, honestly ;.; cofcofandlet'snotmentionthatfuckingBamBamismybiaswreckerorlifewreckerlateltyyoucanaskchocopieyjhowbadthatthaiboygetsme-
> 
> Anyway!! Taehyung makes an appearence next chapter and of course, more 2jae fighting for the babies!! I promise it will have a super smushy gay loving ending, just the way to get there it's going to be bumpy.
> 
> I love you guys!!!! for all your comments, kudos and just by passing to read, don't always read in silence, I love when you get vocal(?)
> 
> See you guys next time or in my other stories!!!
> 
> Love
> 
> RN Marie 


	8. On my own, or is it?

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, Fuck!" I murmured through my teeth over and over again, walking hurriedly, looking anxiously around.

It had been less than twenty minutes since they literally had kicked me out of the office (actually, they had asked me to leave very kindly and feeling sorry) after two hours of waiting for Jaebum to return, which, obviously, didn’t do it.

After Jaebum ran away, totally frightened and fearful of what fate brought him, the Doctor, clearly confused but still professional, printed several photos of the ultrasound, prescribed some prenatal vitamins and scheduled me for an appointment the next month; after that he smiled shyly and wishing me good luck and congratulated me in a low voice, not very sure that the news were actually something to congratulate me.

When I went to the reception I was surprised when I didn’t saw him sitting there, pale faced and sweating profusely, I approached the girl behind a desk and informed me, or rather, confirmed my fear.

"Ah! No...He left very quickly after paying the consultation, he didn’t say anything about how long it would take him to return” the smile on her face seemed the most hypocritical smile of my entire life. It was obvious that she thought it was pathetic that they left me. "You can wait for him if you like."

And so my long wait began, until finally they had to close the office and I was left wandering in the streets, hoping to find him somewhere, but him and his car had disappeared, leaving me totally alone, far from home, without money, no credit on my phone to place a call or send a text message and about to run out of battery.

I gave a long sigh and ran a hand thorough my hair roughly. I was in the district of Gangnam, it was a 40 minute ride from my place to where I was right now and I definitely wasn’t in the mood to think how much I would do on foot, but, I didn’t had no choice, it was or walking or asking some money so I could take the bus, but my pride wouldn’t allow that, so, with sorrow I began to mope my way on the sidewalk, praying to the universe it wouldn’t start to rain.  

I had been walking for about 30 minutes when, to my relief, my cell phone started ringing in my pocket. I took the cell phone out hurriedly and the caller ID indicated that Taehyung was calling me.

“Hello?” I answered, my voice somewhat agitated by the exercise.

“Hey yo! How are you? Hey, quick question, are you busy tonight? It's the first day of vacation! Let's go to...Why are you breathing so fast?” My friend chattered on the other side of the line.

"I ..." I panted “I’m walking. Ah…” come on, it was my best friend and my ex-boyfriend, it couldn’t be so hard to ask him, he was already asking me out. “Tae, do you have a car?”

“Yes, why do you ask?”

"It's just that...ah...can you come and pick me up? I’m in Gangnam, on some…bridge. I really don’t know, I still don’t know this area very well…and I was with someone but he left…” shit, I was about to cry, was it because of the hormones? Fucking hormones.

"Youngjae" Taehyung's voice sounded alarmed "just tell me what you see around and I'll see you there, I'm on my way right now” yes, you could hear that he was about to start running. I began to describe the area, there was a bridge, a park, a food truck and nothing else that could be relevant to reveal my exact position “I know exactly where you are, don’t move from there, I’m coming, don’t talk to anyone and…just don’t move.” I could hear and engine starting and call was cut off.

I didn’t know what was worse, walking for more than an hour or wait in a bench in a dark park, with rain clouds adorning the sky and constant thunder announcing a rain that would fall soon; next to me, the food truck owner was selling his products, he was visibly famous, and the aroma made me start to feel hungry and, as a consequence, the nausea was becoming present again. I searched in my pockets in hopes of finding some hidden bill or something, but nothing, my pockets were as empty as my stomach.

I was about to give up and go and ask a favor from the kind lady who attended, Taehyung was coming and I could borrow some money that would return as soon as he drop me in my dorm, but when I stood up, that familiar nauseous feeling was present again and I had to hurry and bend behind a bush.

Great, now it seemed like I was drunk and puking in the streets, when in fact, and the doctor had been so kind to explain it to me when I expressed my frustration of having turned into a walking vomit machine, he told me that the increase in the nausea and vomiting was due to the twin pregnancy, something related with I don’t know what hormone that was high, but it would start to decrease at 15 weeks, and I couldn’t wait for it to end.

I waited for the vomit to come, but nothing came, nothing but painful cramps of my stomach trying to return something I didn’t had.

I stood up, panting heavily and in the street some car skidded while parking in a hurry.

"Youngjae!" Thank God, it was Taehyung "You okay?” He asked, running to me, I tried to smile at him, but a new wave of nausea, gagging and more bile coming out of my mouth assaulted me. "Oh my God…Are you drunk?"

"No!” I coughed “it’s just that…” had come close to me and was patting my back reassuringly “it’s just that I am…” I stood up and my stomach growled, quite loudly actually “I’m hungry.”

"How many hours do you have without eating that you are even throwing up?” he scolded me, taking my arm and helping me sit at a table near the food truck “Why do I always have to remind you you have to eat?? You can’t be so careless to forget to eat” he clicked his tongue “what are you going to do if you have children? What if your wife leaves and leaves the kids with you? Will you forget to feed them also?” he added in a dramatic tone and I started laughing “what’s so funny? Wait, let me go order” he came to the counter and began to talk something with the lady, making her smile instantly, always so full of charisma “ok, now, what was so funny?” he asked when he sat again on the chair next to me.

“Tae, I think you perfectly know that the ‘wife’ thing would ever happen” I said, still laughing, the lady brought us our drinks and Taehyung opened my cola for me, also smiling lightly.

"Well, I’m sorry, but I kind of think you knew I had to confirm it.” There was a small uncomfortable silence “I don’t know how lucky you are, but you just decided to stop next to one of the most famous food trucks here in Gangnam, they’re authentically Mexican tacos” he said, in an attempt to lighten the tension and I only smiled in response, I didn’t know what else to say. “Let me go see if our order is ready” his smile was warm, but still you could feel the awkwardness behind it.

To his relief, and mine, the orders were ready and he brought them carefully to the table, having something to do but talk. I took one of the famous tacos, hungrily, they were pretty well served and with the most voracious hunger I have ever felt I took a big bite, almost moaning as I could finally eat something, whatever it was.

"Youngjae?" Taehyung asked me, and I opened my eyes, I had closed them to enjoy more my food, tasting it as a delicacy after having fasted for days, it was weird I loved it so much, especially when was something I tasted for the first time, but there was something crunchy in it that tasted deliciously, and to be honest, I hadn’t enjoyed food as much as that since months ago “are you okay?”

"Yes, why shouldn’t I be?” I said with my mouth full after biting the second taco, somehow I had finished the first one in less than two bites.

“Do you not hate cucumber anymore?” he asked me, looking at me with his eyes wide open “I was just telling you that I totally forgot they serve it with cucumber and cilantro, and you didn’t liked any of it, do you like it now?"

“Cucumber? This obviously doesn’t have cucumber, I would have noticed” I looked at my plate with a slight mocking smile. My hatred for that vegetable was so strong that I was able to discover it instantly, no matter how hidden it was; my surprise was big when I saw bits of the vegetable, finely chopped on top of my tacos “Oh…well…” then that was the unknown flavor, the crunchy thing, I totally hated it, but the babies seemed to love it “well...people change, at some point in their life they must eat something they don’t like, and sometimes they can discover it actually wasn’t that bad, I guess…” I blushed, I had never been good at lying.

“Youngjae, seriously, what’s wrong? Who left you here? You’ve been acting really weird, I am really worried about you” Taehyung asked, stretching to take one of my hands, at his touch I was about to break down and start to cry like a pussy, well…I was a pussy in a less offensive way.

"It's...it's complicated," I murmured, taking the third taco and ending it in the same way as the others, with two bites “very complicated actually, I guess someday you will realize…”

“Why won’t you tell me? I think that’s better” he asked “We have time.”

“Really, it’s very complicated” I sighed again “the problem is that this didn’t started recently, everything began in the beginning of the semester” I bit my lip “I find very weird that you haven’t heard any rumors.”

"I think that has something to do with the fact that I came back at the end of the semester.” Taehyung replied, he looked at me with that peculiar stare of his, as if he could read me as if his eyes had some X-ray special power.

I stared at Taehyung for a few minutes, he was staring back at me with serious concern in his eyes. Unintentionally I went back to all those nights we spent texting, expressing our thousand frustrations about college, life I general, he had listened to all my rants about coming out to our parents.

We may have been a couple, but we were the best friends in the world at first, friendships are never lost, friends are there for you in your most difficult times. And what more difficult time was the fact to be pregnant out of wedlock, with twins and their father who would never correspond to those tiny human beings that grew inside me?

I didn’t realized my fingers had clutched by belly, sobbing bitterly and tears flowing again from my eyes, nonstop.

Taehyung hurriedly hugged me tightly, squeezing me into his chest and rocking me gently, stroking my hair. I didn’t knew that was just what I needed; the warmth of his arm, the soft smell of his cologne took me back to the past, to all those evenings we spent lying on the couch, watching whatever was on the TV, those times when I hadn’t had to worry about things like this, damn, I couldn’t even imagine I would ever be in a situation like this.

We didn’t say anything for several minutes, he just kept hugging me and rocking me softly as I filled his shirt with snot and tears. I spent half an hour sobbing my problems out and leaving them on Taehyung’s shirt, tightening my fingers in my belly it almost hurt.

"Everything will be fine" he suddenly whispered, I suppose he was starting to feel tired of my incessant cries.

“No, nothing will be alright. Everything is going to change, this time I fucked up things bad.” I said between sobs.

"Please, Youngjae. It's not like you had cancer, you killed someone or sent a terrorist letter to the president of the United States." Taehyung said, trying to joke to lighten the situation and I shook my head. “Did you knocked up some chick?” I sobbed harder and clutched by belly tighter “Oh my…Youngjae” he said in the most serious tone I had ever heard in him, he separated me from his chest, staring into my eyes “Please tell me that’s not it…” there were also tears on his eyes.

"It's more complicated than that." Taehyung frowned. "I don’t know if you remember the things that I bought yesterday, when we stumbled outside the store, I had two pregnancy tests and, well...they weren’t for the girlfriend of one of my roommates, dammit, BamBam is more passive than me and Yugyeom have never given any signs of liking anything other than the dancing or Chris Brown” I laughed lightly, but Taehyung was not amused, he just frowned, visibly confused “Taehyung those tests were for me, I’m… I'm p-pregnant.”

He looked at me for several seconds, puzzled, looking at me up and down, trying to say something but he just opened and closed his mouth, like a fish out of the water. He released me slowly and ran a hand through his hair.

"How...?"

"Please, don’t make me explain the process to you” I sobbed for the thousandth time “t's a stupidity, honestly, I've never been with anyone other than you, and you know that it was only once, but I came here and I was alone, and so fucking stupid and naïve, and then this guy came on my first day here and showed all his masculinity and was always so chic and sexy around me, all mature with all his fucking piercings and rings and being a fucking fuck boy, but I just fell for him I fell for his trap and at a part he got me super drunk, and he offered me to lay down on a room, but then he kissed me and…” I was talking way too fast, but Taehyung seemed to keep up with me, clenching his fists as my speech progressed “fuck! We were both very drunk and high. I don’t remember anything of that night, nothing but mere fragments of it, I can’t remember why he didn’t wear a condom and why I allowed him to do so. It was only one time, it was just one fucking time and now it’s forever.” I sighed “the worst thing of all this is that after that night he started spreading some nasty rumors about me, rumors that would never be true, but people believed them because he’s all popular and people would adore a shit he took.” I stood up, starting to pace around “I swear, I hate him with all my being, I didn’t wanted to have anything to do with him, I was able to ignore him for three months until I realized I was pregnant, I firmly decided I wasn’t going to tell him, but he found out by chance and…”

“Was he the one that left you here?” he asked, frowning, he wasn’t confused anymore now he was annoyed, I nodded in fear. "Bastard, son of a cheap whore, mother fucker!” I've never seen him so upset and less in just a few seconds, he had screamed with such rage some people turned their heads to look at us, even when we were on the farthest table "Tell me who he is, tell me who it is to tear him apart, I will beat his mother fucking face until no one recognizes him, I will fucking chop his dick and…"

"No, Taehyung, no” I frantically shook my head, sucking my nose, "the last thing I want is more trouble, the last thing I want people to start talking about me, I’ve had enough with the things he said after we slept together, I don’t want people to start thinking that, I don’t know, whatever they may think; it’s not fair for me, not for the babies, especially for them.

“Babies?!”

"They're twins," I admitted. “Taehyung, please, just…I want to do this in the most holy peace possible.”

“Choi Youngjae, you're pregnant with twins. How do you think you're going to take this in holy peace? That bastard left you abandoned after confirming that he was going to be dad, I don’t doubt that he will do that again at any time if you decide to be together or something similar." Taehyung said, taking my hands in his own “you are supposed to have children while being in a solid family, where the two people love each other and both want those children, you just can’t…”

“Yes, I know that perfectly well, Taehyung. You don’t have to repeat it” I interrupted him firmly and sat again.

"Are you going to keep them?" I mean...”

"It's too late for an abortion, but I wasn’t thinking in getting one, I am not a murderer” I said, Taehyung shrugged a little at the word" abortion "I really don’t know what to do, I honestly have no idea. I know I won’t be able to do this on my own, but the idea of leaving them to their fate with any family that is willing to adopt them is like…” I shrugged and threw a sidelong look to a nearby table, where a young couple was making a fuss to their baby, who was sitting and smiling at them lovingly. “I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I want to go home, please? It’s been a long day and so many things have happened, I just want to rest, please?”

"All right, let's go home.” Taehyung agreed, biting his lips after a long pause.

The road was uneasy, slow, the only sound that could be heard was the constant sighs of Taehyung, the music that sounded at low volume and the murmur of cars in the continuous lanes. At one point the tiredness, the overwhelm of feeling so much at the same time overcame me and I fell asleep, leaning my forehead in the window.

X

X

X

“Youngjae, wake up” a soft hand caressed my cheek and I woke up with a start, it took me several seconds to realize what we were in front of the building where I lived. "Are your roommates there?"

"No, BamBam went back to Thailand and I think Yugyeom was going to return after Christmas, he went back with his family." I sighed, unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out of the car, hugging my body, some rain had fallen in that area and the air was a bit colder. "I'm supposed to go back to Mokpo for the holidays to be with my family, but I think I'll stay here, I guess I'll give them the excuse that I have to work full time to survive the coming semester or something.”

Again, we fell silent as we went up to my apartment, I looked with a bit of reproach at the neighbors’ door, there was some loud music and muffled voices, apparently to Jaebum didn’t mind that he had left me in another district and still threw a ‘end of the semester’ party, where I was sure he was getting wasted and high with some guy or girl, and he was going to fuck them without any remorse, like he had done with me.

"Thank you very much, Taehyung, honestly, I don’t know what I would have done without you," I thanked him with all my heart, staring into his eyes. "You don’t know how much I wanted us to meet again, but, oddly enough, yesterday when we met was when I discovered…this.”

“Youngjae I...” Taehyung spoke suddenly, swallowing and taking me from the shoulders “I'm sorry, I can’t see you suffer, I don’t want you to suffer, I have seen when people deal with a pregnancy completely alone, I don’t want that to happen to you” I felt his hands shaking on my shoulders, but his eyes were steady and his voice sounded secure. "Choi Youngjae, from now on you will say that I am the father of those babies, I am going to take all responsibility for them and I will take care of you.”

"Wait, no, Taehyung..." I  shook my head, that proposal had taken me by surprise but after several seconds of keeping my mouth swaying stupidly I was able to recover my speech "No, I will not give you this burden, much less when this isn’t your fault. You have a very bright future ahead and I'm not going to ruin you with such nonsense as this, a nonsense you didn’t even caused.”

"I don’t care," he answered resolutely. "When we were young and foolish I wanted, I craved, I even day-dreamed about something like this, then we separated and lost contact, but believe me when I tell you that none of my feelings have changed at all.” He placed his hands on my cheeks and felt stupid for starting to cry again “I may not be the most mature person in the universe, may not make many wise decisions, Youngjae, but I'm sure of something, you won’t be alone, I'm going to be by your side, I will support you in this. The asshole that got you pregnant can go fuck himself and rot in a hole full of maggots, with this you are taking away all responsibility that he was avoiding from the beginning. Believe me Youngjae, I will not abandon you in Gangnam with no way to return home. Youngjae, we are not going to separate anymore, I promise you.” and after these words he hugged him tightly, letting me sob again in his shirt, previously stained by my snot, drool and so on.

It took me several minutes to be able to control myself, and honestly, I didn’t wanted to separate from him, not only for the fact that it was him and I could feel my heart, that had begun to become stone, begin to warm with the warmth of his body; his words had made me believe in him, for the first time that feeling of despair I had felt for two days was decreasing, was still there, but it no longer felt so heavy, I knew Taehyung had taken part of that burden and helped me with it.

Unfortunately, life had to continue, Taehyung's cell phone began to ring incessantly and he told me that he had planned something with one of his best friends and now was calling him to know why he had bailed on the appointment, so now he had to go give him some kind of explanation, but he would come back the next day as soon as he had time, since he was beginning to have interviews to request some internship at some enterprises. So after hugging me one last time he walked down the hallway and I entered the solitude of my apartment.

It was the first time I knew I was going to be completely alone in the bedroom and it was kind of weird not to listen to the cheery talk of my roommates, or to see Jackson and BamBam kissing non-stop, when they were supposed to watch some movie or series on Netflix; or see Yugyeom suddenly dancing in the middle of the living room, with BamBam laughing like a hyena and clapping like a seal at his great talent. In short, the loneliness was clearly evident, so it was best not to think about it and immediately contact my boss to give me full-time work, I would start to worry about telling him when my baby bump started to show.

As soon as I had just taken my cell phone to send a message via the internet, someone knocked on the door with insistence, with erratic but frantic knocks, almost urgently; I approached the door suspiciously, opening the door just to take a quick peek, just to see Jaebum standing in the doorway, holding a bottle of soju in one hand and with the other was leaning on the lintel, obviously drunk.

“Great! It did opened!” he exclaimed, as soon as I opened the door the reek of smell got to my nostrils, it irradiated from all his body and he was slurring, he was trying to focus on me but his eyes were clouded and he was wobbling.

“Wrong door, you live in front.” I said reluctantly, I tried to close the door but the placed a hand firmly and pushed the door wide open “what the fuck are you trying to do?” I asked him in disgust, anger began to bubble in my insides.

"You know, it’s kind of illogical that this is happening to us” and without invitation he came in, pushing me aside and stumbling straight to the sofa “It’s so ironical that I am as drunk as you were that night.” He laughed foolishly and I frowned “but you looked so good, so fucking perfect in those tight jeans and…” he belched hard “how did you wanted me to not do anything if you were the sensuality walking at that time? Shit, I can assure you that I wasn’t the only one that was trying to get into your pants.”

“But I suppose you were the stupidest, you are so stupid you didn’t even wear a condom, even though you have sex every weekend, I mean, at that time I assumed that you knew all things related to sex, not just how to suck a dick and those things, protection is the most important thing, especially if you are having sex with a total stranger.” I said, crossing my arms and watching how he was still laughing, sprawled on the couch.

"This is why I don’t like to do it when people are drunk. They let themselves loose, they say the darkest things they have in their hearts and the next day they don’t recall anything they said or did” he said, still with his smile that was beginning to annoy me. He was wasted, how could he still look handsome and hot as ever? He stood up abruptly and I was about to fall to the ground thanks to the coffee table, but he didn’t care, he continued walking towards me, he grabbed my waist with one of his arms, keeping me from moving backwards and pulled me closer towards his body, whispering in my ear “don’t you remember that you begged me to fuck you without a condom?”

His fingers had finished stretching my insides, my whole body was covered in a thin layer of sweat and a general tremor was felt in each of my muscles; the weed still continued with its effect to its maximum splendor, which made each touch, caress and lick intensify, making the pleasure that his hands caused me even more bigger.

_"How do you want it?” Jaebum asked me huskily in my ear, he had placed himself on top of me and his member was approaching dangerously at my entrance._

_"However you want..." I managed to say, clinging to the sheets as my whole world was spinning and I needed to concentrate completely at that moment._

_"Turn around, bitch," he bit my earlobe, and the groan I let out surely heard through the house, but I didn’t care at the time. "Come on, get on your knees and elbows," he ordered as I complied, sticking out my butt as much as possible “Fuck, look at this…like a professional” I heard him sigh and his hand slapped my left buttock “Oh…condom…shit…”_

_"Just do it already, do it like that," I said, desperately, I didn’t know how much I was going to last, I knew that the mixture of alcohol and weed would make me lose consciousness at any moment, so I shouldn’t waste any second for him to put on a stupid condom “I want to feel you like that, I want you to make me feel good, I want to feel your warm seed ran through my thighs from my asshole after you fill my insides with it, I want you to fill me with your seed, please…” I pleaded, turning around my head to look at him with my mouth open and my eyes bright and dark with lust, on his hands there was a foil package, which he threw on the side, grabbed the bottle of lube and squirted a bunch on his dick, aligning his erection with my entrance and with a firm thrust he penetrated me, filling me completely, making me feel his warmth begin to spread through my body._

"You moaned like a bitch in hear until I ‘filled you with my seed’” Jaebum was now staring at me, with his arms crossed, his eyes were filling with some kind of joy how my face was reddening, both with shame and anger “so the fact that you’re pregnant it’s not 100% my fault, you have 50% or responsibility.”

“But it was your responsibility to tell me no, I was drunk and high, never in my life had I felt like that” I pushed him away and took him by the arm, starting to drag him towards the door.

"No, wait, don’t take me out, I don’t want to." he had started to pout, and his voice sounded nasal. It was a real tantrum “I’m not going to go! I came to…I came to…a…a” he was stuttering, like he didn’t knew what he was trying to say “I came to a…argue about the babies”

"What do you want to discuss about them? You left me in the middle of a place I barely know, with no way to came back, you didn’t worry at all and you drowned in alcohol” I tried to pull him again but he let go as if I hadn’t tried to grab him.

"I paid the consultation! It would have been worse if I hadn’t done it, isn’t it?” he said back, pointing at me with the soju and then he took a long sip “What I mean is…”

“Don’t come to me now like you’re going to act like the responsible father, I don’t believe you a bit, okay, thank you for the money, just what I needed from you” I said in a bad mood, now pushing him towards the door with all my strength.

"That's what I want to talk about." Suddenly he knelt and took my hips, coming up to my belly, almost sticking his lips to the fabric of my shirt. "Babies…you know, your dad doesn’t want me to talk to him. How am I supposed to convince him if he kicks me out of the apartment?"

"I could talk like a normal person if you weren’t so drunk” I tried to reason with him, struggling to get him on his feet.

“Babies! Twins! Twinsies! Are you there, right? I am your father!” he kept talking to my belly “I am going to call you Thing One and Thing Two…”

“Jaebum, please, it's late and I'm sleepy, you're not at all sane.” At last I had managed to drag him to the door “do you want to act like their real father? Well, come and see me when you're not drunk. Father is not the one who engenders, but the one who raises, the one who cares for them, if you can’t do that, I don’t want you to walk around saying that you're their father when, until now, you've done nothing but fucking me. Act first as the responsible adult you need to be. I prefer to carry this pregnancy alone and raise them on my own, than having to deal with you and your immatureness.

I yanked the door open and almost went backwards. Behind the door, with a fist raised as if he was about to knock, he had a strange look on his face and was as surprised as I was to open the door suddenly.

"Oh! A stranger...wait, why does he look so much like you?” Jaebum stammered.

“Youngjae! Hi!”

“Woojeong (*)” I babbled, feeling like my legs were getting weak.

My brother was at the door.

Since what time had he been there?

And most importantly, how much did he hear?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) I reaaallly don't know how Youngjae's brother is called. LOL. anyone knows?
> 
> I don't want to rant too much today, I am tired AF :v 
> 
> Just the usual thanks for your comments, subscribes, kudos and stuff. I love to hear from you! :D So don't go without leaving a nice, thick, fat, long review. (I mean...if you want, you know this is our only payment T.T) 
> 
> Is anyone still alive after JJ Project comeback? I know I ranted on my other story (I finally started writing my YugBam!!!!) but...it's just so good we can't just ignore it!
> 
> I want to give special thanks to Chocopieyj, honestly, I think I would take longer in updating if shw wasn't constantly telling me to give her something to read (I mean, there's like a sudden lack of new 2Jae -at least good ones- so we have to uptdate our stories to keep us satisfied with our hunger)
> 
> Literally, I'm falling asleep right now D: so, see you next time! Now that Youngjae's brother appeared, is all of his family going to appear? What was he doing there? And how much did he heard? Taehyung!!! TAEHYUNG!!! I want a man like you in my life!!!!!!! Jaebum is coming back to the good road, or is it!?!?!! -dun dun duuuuun-
> 
> See you guys next time! :D 
> 
> Love you all! 
> 
> Marie <3
> 
> p.s. I promise no more cliffhangers...OR IS IT?!!?!?! -dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuun-


	9. Confessions

“What are you doing here?” I asked my brother, visibly surprised.

"Well, Mom said I'd come for you to take you home on the first train tomorrow." I raised an eyebrow, pushing Jaebum back, he was trying to peek out the door. “I decided to appear tonight so we can go for some drinks as in celebration for finishing your first semester in college, but, I can see you already have company, so…”

“No! He was just leaving!” I said with gritted teeth, Jaebum had clung on my neck and made a strange ‘woo’ sound when my brother mentioned the alcohol “And I already told Mom I wasn’t coming back this holidays, I need to work for next semester, I really need the money now.”

"Do you need money for school? Then, you don’t need money for the…?” I nudged him in the stomach. Incredible! The chic and sexy Im Jaebum behaved worse than a three-year-old while being really drunk.

"And that's why I came to have a drink. What's the matter? Are you seriously going to break Mom's heart at Christmas? You know how she was when her ‘baby’ came to Seoul, she thought city will corrupt you completely” my brother rolled his eyes and forced me to laugh.

“I can see that you don’t really know your younger brother, Youngjae was already corrupted when he came from Mokpo…although maybe I had something to do, I gave him dr…” Jaebum babbled and I nudged him again, this time harder.

"Listen, Woojeong hyung," Jaebum had clung again on my neck and was, apparently, trying to bite me “I have to take Jaebum home, besides, it’s so late and I had to fix this thing about my full-time job tomorrow morning and…well, now it’s not a good time, okay? I know it’s been a long time since we saw each other but…” I swallowed, struggling to hold Jaebum and holding myself from running to hide behind my big brother as in the old days “I promise you that I will talk to Mom tomorrow, and I’ll call you some other day to go have dinner or something.”  

"All right, Youngjae-ah.” My brother sighed and looked at me for a long time “I am you older brother, you know you can tell me anything, right? Especially if you’re in trouble” Woojeong said out of the blue, staring at me seriously.

"Yes, thank you, I know," I cleared my throat first before answering, blinking several times to keep away the tears, and did my best to stretch my lips to smile.

My brother gave me one last look, he seemed to be weighing something, but after sighing again he turned and walked down the hall, leaving me alone with Jaebum.

"Was that your brother?" Jaebum asked me and I tried to pull him out, taking advantage of the door being left open “he is not as handsome as you...wait no...” he stopped on the lintel, putting his hands on the sides to prevent me to take him out “I need to talk to you, I already told you, that’s why I came.”

“Jaebum, please, it's been a very long day and I just want to shower and go to sleep, do you want to talk? I already told you that we’ll talk in the morning, when I am less tired and, above all, when you are sober.”

“Fine, we’ll talk in the morning” Jaebum gave me a wide smile, showing each of his pearly white teeth, I had never seen him smile that way, or at least he had never given me those kind of smiles “good night.” And he bent over to kiss me on the cheek.

That action took me completely by surprise, so much that I couldn’t do anything when he turned around and laid down on the couch. He comfortably cuddled himself as I tried to remember how to breathe, how to return my face to its original colors and recover the movement on my limps so I could go and kick him out of my apartment.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Shh…you shouldn’t curse, Thing One and Thing Two are listening.” He sighed, rubbing his face “And, if I return to my apartment in this state, Jinyoung will kick me out before I can say deoxyribonucleic. Also, I can’t sleep with Jackson because he loves to hug people when he sleeps" he also look flustered by his previous action, as he was avoiding to look at me “so, good night.”

I looked how he just hugged his knees, curling himself into a ball and hiding his face between the unfilled cushions, and, as if it was his house, or we were the closest friends, he close his eyes pleased, even sighed in relief that he could finally get some sleep.

I did my best to control myself, I knew that it wouldn’t do me good to throw a tantrum out of it, and I wouldn’t also do much if I tried to move him by myself, I wasn’t going to be able to move him a bit.

Apparently, the only person who could inflict any kind of power, reason or whatever on him was Jinyoung, and, although we had never established a complete conversation, damn, I had never spoken to him more than a few phrases on that horrible party and, somehow, I was even afraid of standing up near him as he always had a judging stare; but in desperate cases, desperate measures, so I walked decisively to the opposite apartment and knocked on the door a few times.

It didn’t take long for them to open the door, Mark frowned when he saw me, but after a quickly explanation of why I wanted to see his boyfriend near midnight on a Sunday, he went in and called him. Jinyoung seemed to understand quickly and with a big smile and an apology to mark, he accompanied me back to my apartment.

It turned out that Jaebum wasn’t only a heavy sleeper, since, as Jinyoung told me, it was very rare if someone could wake him up while he was drunk; but also, his body was so heavy that, even between the two of us, couldn’t move him an inch from the couch. We might have, but Jinyoung desisted as soon as he saw me trying to push harder.

"No, Youngjae, you can’ carry heavy things, you have to take care of that baby” Jinyoung panted, placing a hand on his lower back and stretched back a bit so his back would crack, the baby-blue shirt he was wearing to sleep rose up a bit and, by accident, I saw a big scar that he had on the right side, next to his belly button, and this got lost in the waistband of his pajama pants, he hurried to cover his abdomen when he felt my curious stare, so I looked away.

“I thought I would’ve been helpful if I talked to you” I heavily sighed “for the little I’ve heard, you’re the only one who can make him come to reason.”

"I've been his best friend since before we even came to college, I'm one of the few people who can control him, but not quite, if that had been...believe me you wouldn’t be in this situation," Jinyoung said, after laughing a little, causing tender wrinkles to form in his eyes “I have power over him because he knows that I will not fall before his "charms."”

“But you were a couple, didn’t you?” I blurted and Jinyoung smiled with nostalgia.

"So, he told you."

“Sorry, I…he let it out when we first met.”

“No, it’s okay, it's not like it was a secret thing.” Jinyoung sighed and pointed to the dining room where we sat. “There's no one who knows Jaebum as much as I do. I know he's a jerk, idiot, immature, spoiled brat…but that’s only what he shows other people, it's the only thing of his being that lets others know.” He licked his lips and glanced at Jaebum, who had begun to snore softly from the couch “He suffered a lot in his childhood, and it’s not for me to tell, I can’t tell you exactly how he suffered, but I can tell you that the reason he acts that way is to protect himself.”

"Are you trying to make me understand that all of this is and his jerk attitude is because he suffered?” I snorted “I also have went through a lot and you don’t see me sleeping around with everyone and then spreading nasty rumors about them.”

"I know, it's weird and I certainly don’t expect you to forgive him” Jinyoung pursed his lips, squeezing them in to a thin line and I snorted again, my hand stroking, distractedly, the small curvature that my belly had, now that the doctor had mentioned about it I could feel it was a little bit more noticeable than before, at least for me. Jinyoung looked at my action and he emitted a sigh filled with sadness “Oh, Youngjae! You don’t know how happy it would make me to be in your situation” he cleared his throat, rubbing one of his eyes “well, not your situation exactly, but…something like that. He came back to the apartment after your appointment with the doctor, he was visibly stressed, confused, worried. He couldn’t even talk to me and he just bolted out of the door, now I know he went drinking” he glanced again at him “he’s way too scared, Youngjae, I don’t he imagined he would face something like this again, or at least this soon.”

“Again?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"About four years ago, when we were in our senior year, we became boyfriends from one day to the next, and like any teenager we experienced our sexuality widely in each other's arms. I can’t say that I was the first one for Jaebum, he had already been with other girls and he was very well defined that he was bisexual, and I... well...I was convinced that I was 100% gay, but never mind that, Jaebum was my first.” He chuckled “but that doesn’t matter, I just want you to understand than when you’re 18 and it’s your first time having gay sex you don’t think about protection, I mean, you hadn’t had any contact with someone else, what was the point of wearing something that would ruin the pleasure of it?

>> Anyway, after a long month in which I suffered from a horrible cold, I had a very sharp pain in my belly and my parents rushed me to the hospital, everyone thought it was appendicitis, so they hurried me to the operating room” I realized that his face had gotten a little bit dark and made a gesture towards his scar “I didn’t regained consciousness until the next day, late in the afternoon, it was almost nighttime, all my insides hurt a lot, all my abdomen, but I just thought it was normal, because of the surgery, and I didn’t thought it was strange that my scar was this big.” He made a long pause and showed me again his scar, indeed, it went from his belly button to the beginning of his pubes. He was taking big breaths to calm himself.

>> When I woke up, my parents were in the room and they were crying disconsolately when they saw me wake up, my father didn’t wanted to see me in the eyes and forbade Jaebum to approach me. The doctors didn’t seem to want to explain me what had happened during the surgery, the only discussed it with my parents and, every time they returned to the room, they were more upset and affected than before, for this Jaebum had given up trying to see me, but first he had talked to my father, according to my mother, and he had sent him home to catch up with the homework so I could catch up, I couldn’t get stuck behind on my senior year, not when I had a great score on the SAT.” his fingers unconsciously caressed his scar.

>>One day I forced my mother to tell me everything that was happening, I already had been two weeks in the hospital, and I knew that because of an appendectomy you only had to be in the hospital for a week or so, so I begged my mother to tell me, I thought there was something really wrong with me, that’s why all the crying and the secrecy. That’s when I found out…I found out that…” he cleaned the tears that had begun to flow from his eyes “If you had seen her face, Youngjae, there was so much anger, disappointment and disgust in my mother’s face when she told me that that pain hadn’t been an appendicitis.” His voice and lip trembled, and again, he took a few minutes to control himself. I was forced to grab hard the edges of the table, I didn’t know if I really wanted to know the story.

>> My true diagnosis was a pregnancy of 8, the pain I felt was due to the rearrangement of my intestines when the baby began to grow a little bit more. The doctor ended the surgery immediately as he realized about this and, while I was still under the effects of the anesthesia and being a minor, he went ant talked to my parents” uncontrollable sobs shook his entire body, I didn’t knew how to react, I just put a hand in his shoulder, realizing I was also crying, for the looks of it, that story wasn’t going to have a happy ending “I went again into the operating room so they could get rid of my baby as if it was a tumor, and while at it, they cut off all possibility of me being able to get pregnant again…”

"So...”

"They took away that little miracle that the God that is supposed to exist put in me. I was robbed of that miracle of being able to engender life inside of me” Jinyoung sobbed “they obviously told Jaebum, my parents thought it was someone else’s baby, it couldn’t be that the son of the respectable Im lawyers could do such thing with me, he wasn’t deviated as me, but when they saw the look of horror in Jaebum they knew immediately, so they forbade him to keep seeing me.”

“But you didn’t knew about the existence of that baby. How could it affect you so much?”

“One would think that if you don’t know it, it doesn’t affect you that much, but I wasn’t even informed first, they didn’t asked for my opinion and m permission, they just got rid of it like if it was trash and they snatched every opportunity in the future to have a family” he cleaned his tears with the back of his hand “That’s why I am so proud that you decided to keep the baby, Youngjae, you’re so brave and I want you to know that you have all my support. I won’t leave you alone at this moment, I know how hard it is, so I won’t do it.”  

"Thank you, Jinyoung hyung, thank you very much.” I took his hands between mine “I wish that…I wish that Jaebum could say the same thing.”

“You know, I thought this time he would have a better reaction, being older and all that.”

“What do you mean?”

"When I finally saw Jaebum, long after that…event, he didn’t seem to be affected at all."

"How could he be? He dodged a big responsibility” I sighed, still patting his back as he was still sobbing lightly “it benefited him that the doctor and your parents had acted the way they did, even more if that meant he wouldn’t have to wear protection with you, in the future.”

"Those were almost his exact words." Jinyoung let out a little noise, between laughter and sobbing. "’We didn’t knew about that baby, why does it hurt you so much? Get over it, you can’t cry your entire life for something that was going to ruin it’ ‘it’s good to know that you can no longer get pregnant, do you know how many people will kill for a chance like yours?” he emitted again that sound “I hated him so much at the time, Youngjae, and I wanted to keep hating him, but, for a strange reason, he ended up convincing me that he was right. But I couldn’t get over it at 100%, you know? That’s when Jaebum began to have one-night affairs, and they were really affairs as we were still a couple, but only to challenge our parents there was love, but not the love we used to feel, it wasn’t enough and, as I couldn’t had sex…he began to search for sex with other people” he rubbed his eyes and sniffed, trying to calm himself once and for all “we broke up officially when we came to college, it was easier for him to be “single” and I really didn’t wanted to be seen as a poor fool whom his boyfriend cheated on him with a different person every weekend.”

"Then you met Jackson, and then Mark...and now you're happy with him, I can see that," I assured him "I don’t know how your relationship with Jackson was, but I really envy your relationship with Mark, even though I’ve only seen bits of it.”

"Yes, I'm happier than ever, Jackson's was only because we were bored, we were stupid, but still, he’s one of my best friends. But Mark…” he sighed dreamily “Mark is my soul mate, with him I regained my self-confidence, my joy, he’s the only person I can have sex now without having a panic attar. He was able to understand what happened, he understands that I won’t be able to give him the family he once dreamed with, but, we have each other, and that’s what matters.” He smiled again, clearly in love, nothing compared with the look he had when he was talking about his pasts “when we graduate we’re going to run some tests to see if he can conceive, of course, we are going to get married first.” He sighed one last time.

"I wish all sad stories would always end with a happy ending, a knight in shining armor who comes to rescue the protagonist before he falls forever into the cold chasm." I sighed and Jinyoung chuckled, looking at his wrist watch. “Do you think we may be able to wake Jaebum up?”

“Believe me, we will not be able to wake him up, besides, knowing Jaebum, he’s going to take any opportunity to run away and you will never know what he wanted to talk to you." Jinyoung stood up and walked to the door “confront him, make him responsible for that baby and now you have to put that child first.”

"I know, at first I was scared, dammit, I'm still scared, but...they are the most important thing now." Again I felt my hand ran absently through my belly, it wasn’t that big, it just seem like I was bloated or something.

"Good luck with Jaebum, he's an asshole, but deep down he's a good person, not as bad as he looks” and after smiling at me one last time he left the apartment.

I sighed and from the sofa Jaebum emitted a loud snore. I didn’t knew if I should sleep in my room or stay in the living room; I had a heavy sleep, but not so heavy as not to wake up if Jaebum moved next to me.

This couldn’t be considered sleeping together, it only meant sleeping in the same room and, therefore, I had to completely ignore the fact that my heart was beating hard against my chest, maybe it was just a tachycardia of my body reacting to the cucumber I had eaten few hours earlier, yes, it had to be that, the babies had liked it, but my body was not accustomed to it. It certainly had nothing to do with Jaebum being in my apartment.

I sat down at Jaebum’s feet, on the floor, with my back against the couch, letting fatigue take over my body, and after a long day, full of thousands of emotions, sleep overcame me.

X

X

X

I woke up startled.

Something had happened in my dreams that made me wake up suddenly. It had been a loud sound, almost like a snore, yes, it had been a dragon that snored in my dreams and...I heard that sound again, right behind me. It was Jaebum.

True, he had fallen asleep in my apartment after irrupting completely wasted.

He had been lying on the couch and I had sat on the floor. How the fuck we ended up both lying on the floor? And the worst, why the fuck Jaebum was hugging me? Well, it was not a hug as such, I was on my back and he was sideways, facing me, he had an arm languidly above my stomach, his hand resting comfortably in the slight curvature the twins had caused.

Still disoriented I tried to see what time it was on my cell phone, which I had left it on the coffee table, but it had ran out of battery. I sat up and looked at the kitchen clock: it was close to noon.

Hurriedly, I stood up, carelessly pulling Jaebum's arm away, who only complained, but gave no sign of waking up. I freaked out a bit, shaking my head and adjusting the messy hair that was on top of my head, I stumbled to my room to find my charger to revive my cell phone.

If my brother had come here with the intention of taking me home that meant...

Knock, knock, knock

Oh please...let that be the milkman, the postman, the Jehovah witnesses, whoever.

With panic I came to peer through the peephole, I wouldn’t commit the same mistake of opening the door without looking who was first, I had to confirm my fear.

My soul went to my feet and ran to wake Jaebum up, shaking him by the shoulder.

“Jaebum! Please!” I was about to slap him, still listening to the insistent knocks on the door.

"What the...?" Jaebum finally opened his eyes, and blinked in surprise, moving as far away as he could.

"Shut up, there’s no time. My parents are at the door.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *everyone calps because it didn't took more than a month to update*
> 
> WHADDAP YAAALLL!!! *aggresively dabs*
> 
> I should slow down on the cliffhangers, I swear. 
> 
> I know, not too much 2jae in here, but I kind of had to put this story so Jaebum would have a friend to smack is immature ass! (buthewillregretitsoonerolaterwhensomeonesaysthetwinsarehis)
> 
> And yes!! a twin baby bump at 12WOG look like someones bloated (I googled it) mine didn't showed up like until I was like...20 weeks or so... I was so thin back then -ugly cries-
> 
> NEXT TIME ON IT WAS JUST ONE TIME, NOW IT'S FOREVER -yes, you have to read that on commercial voice-
> 
> "So, you want to take care of your nephews for a while? I mean, Jaebum can help you with that, it will be a wonderful idea, don't you think?" I just stared at my brother with horror, even Jaebum looked scared for life.
> 
>  
> 
> DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
> 
> See you guys next time! I hope it won't take me more than a month (this night shift at the hospital is kind of horryfying but fruitful(?) I can write at 3 in the morning when I have nothing to do .-.) 
> 
> BTW! DID YOU KNOW I AM WRITING A YUGBAM WITH LOTS OF 2JAE AND MARKJIN ON THE SIDE?!?!?!?! GO READ IT IF YOU HAVEN'T!!!! It's called "I will mend your heart" and I wrote it because I FUCKING LOVE YUGBAM AND THEY NEED MORE GOOD FANFICS!! (and I already told you that sometime in this history it will change from JackBam to YugBam)
> 
> anyways, thanks for commenting and subscribing and all that! But I will really appreciate if you comment more, I want some feedback y'all.
> 
> I think I ranted to much now (drank coke at 11 pm and my sleeping habits are totaly wrecked up -would end up sleeping at 4am anyways-)
> 
> SEE YOU!!!
> 
> Marie <3 


	10. Timing

I’d never seen anyone stand up so fast, Jaebum practically jumped off the floor, rubbing his puffy eyes and adjusting his messy hair. He stared at me with a panic, his eyeballs moving frantically everywhere, as if looking for an emergency exit, but we were trapped.

“What I do?” he asked me in a hoarse whisper, I would’ve thought it was sexy in another occasion, but not now, not with my parents insistently knocking on the door and me waking up next to a man that wasn’t my roommates.

“Nothing, resign yourself.” I felt my stomach turn into knots, they knocked on the door again, calling my name, so, inhaling air to give me courage, I opened the door putting on the happiest smile I could fake “Mum, Dad!” I greeted them, glancing sideways as Jaebum sat casually on the couch, as if he had just come to a beautiful morning –noon- chat.

For several minutes there was the usual ruckus of parents reuniting with their son after a long absence, even my mother shed some tears, hugging me with, almost shameful, force, repeating incessantly how much I had grown and how thin I was, I even heard a “this handsome man is not my son”.

My father came in behind her, loaded, as usual, with heavy bags full of fruit, food, and God knows how much my mom had thought to bring; when my mother finally let go of me he gave me a single tap on my shoulder and a warm smile, he had never been a people of many words, I had taken from my mother the talkative side, there was no doubt in it.

When the ruckus finally fell apart and my parents finally stopped hugging me, we were able to advance a little beyond the door, but they got surprised when they saw Jaebum, biting his nails and, once he found out they were staring at him, he stood up, bowing 90 degrees, well at least he was polite.

“Oh, Hi” my mother was frowning and I knew she was judging every single part of his being, but specially the ‘thousand holes’ he had everywhere “I thought you said your roommates were out of town.” My mother said, hesitantly.

“Yes, they are” I admitted, there was no point in lying to her, they knew Yugyeom and BamBam since one time I spoke to them on Skype, so I just couldn’t tell them he was one of my roommates he is…ah…he is...”

“Im Jaebum, Mr. and Mrs. Choi.” Another bow “I’m Youngjae’s neighbor” my parents just nodded “I came to return a…videogame…yes…a videogame I borrowed a month ago and I…just wanted to give it back before the holydays” a quite convincing lie, actually “but I’m going now, so you can catch up with your son.”

A feigned giggle came out of my mouth and I accompanied Jaebum to the door, he was all smiles and farewells, my parents kept glancing furtively at each other.

I just opened the door when…

"Uncle Youngjae!" Two eddies came through the door in a milli-second and hugged my legs tightly. “Granma, Grandpa!” and as they came to me, so they fled to embrace someone else's knees.

What, was today the day of arriving without a warning? Such timing, Youngjae, any drama would be proud of seeing the timing with which you opened the door.

“Kids, behave! Oh, what’s up, doofus” my sister came in after her children, carrying in her arms the younger and behind her there was my brother “NO, kids! Don’t go to the bedrooms, stay in the living room!”

And out of nowhere the little apartment was turned in total chaos, honestly, despite how much I love my nephews, they were little exasperating creatures. Please, God, universe, whoever, just don’t let my children be like this, please.

I chuckled when I saw Jaebum, absentmindedly rubbing his temple and waiting for my niece to end her long talk of how her teacher had told her that not all people who had a “bad look” were bad people. Cute, very cute.

“Hey! Have you recovered your sobriety?” Of course, my brother had to ask at the very moment the place went quiet. My mother's neck almost came out of its place when turning to see Jaebum immediately, his ears were beginning to turn red “You must have a terrible hangover, you seemed quite intoxicated yesterday.”

“Choi Youngjae, were you drinking?” Typical mom that scolds his overage son, with everything and hands on her waist included. ‘

"No" I replied, frantically moving my hands.

"Youngjae can’t drink" Woogeun said, raising an eyebrow and I could almost see his gaze drift a little lower.

“He has quite resistance, speaking truthfully” Jaebum chuckled and I managed to smack him on the shoulder “Ouch!” he stared at me reproachfully and he immediately realized his mistake, so he put his neurons to work “last night he and I went out for a drink…but I couldn’t keep up with him and…I ended up very drunk” everyone could notice that he was making that story right at the spot “and that’s how we ended up here, as I told you, I live literally in front of this apartment, but my roommate has a strict mom complex and he doesn’t let me come home…in those conditions, he doesn’t want the responsibility of me drowning in my own vomit” he tried to smile, but he didn’t had any answer than scrutinizing looks “So, Youngjae, very kindly, offered me to stay the night and take care of my drunk ass, I guess he felt somewhat guilty as it was his fault for me being in such state” I resisted to not give him another smack, Woogeun stared at us alternately, clearly discovering the lie but, fortunately, just kept quiet.

“Well, let's eat, it's time for lunch.” My mother settled the matter, smiling and starting to take container after container from one of the bags “Youngjae, I brought your favorites” Jaebum turned towards the door, hoping to sneak away while everyone was busy preparing the table. “No, Jaebum-ssi, stay, I doubt very much that you have decent food in your house to cure a hangover” he didn’t have in mind the cunning thoughts of a mother of three.

“No, Mrs. Choi…”

"Come on, once my mother says something, there’s nothing you can do to avoid it” my brother intervened, grabbing the back of his neck, with a little more force than necessary and almost dragged him to the table (ok, well, he did dragged him) and he sat him on one of the chairs next to my father and in front of my sister and the baby, who was throwing cereal everywhere.

That sudden surprise visit turned into something quite pleasant and similar to what used to be my evenings, and, maybe in another situation I would have introduced Jaebum to my parents.

My brother and father interrogated him incessantly, I almost felt sorry for him for the things they asked him, and I knew he was too uncomfortable to answer them and the thing didn’t improve much when, suddenly, my father dropped a bomb in the form of a question:

"Do you have a girlfriend, Jaebum-ssi? A guy as handsome as you must have at least one girl out there.”

"Ah..." the redden tint on his ears expanded towards his cheeks, I had frozen on my way to the table, with a plateful with Japche in my hands “I…the truth is…” he stared at me and swallowing his gaze lowered towards my belly, were, if they were very observant, could notice that the pockets on my hoodie tried to hide what looked like a belly after a copious meal, so I just cleared my throat and shook my head just a millimeter, hoping that he would get the message, that was not the time at all, he couldn’t be so dumb to say it, right? “No, the truth is I don’t have a boyfriend” asshole “I mean girlfriend” such an idiot “I prefer to focus on my studies before…” he swallowed mid-sentence and my brother looked panicked for a moment.

"And all those scratches, Jaebum? Do you have ghost problems in your bedroom?” Woogeun intervened and I decided better not to leave Jaebum alone with those two, I didn’t know what kind of things were going to come out.

"No" he smiled, relieved that they had changed the subject and admired the deep cuts that adorned his wrists and forearms. "No, it's just...I have three cats" he admitted, and blushed again as the others burst out laughing. God, too unreal.

Bad boy turned out to be a cat fan, as he engaged in a broad conversation with my sister and me about why cats are better than dogs, and then showed us the wide photo collection of his three cats, Nora, Kunta and Odd.

When the time to eat came, my brother forced me to sat next to Jaebum, who looked calm, but underneath the table he couldn’t stop moving his legs and was eating slowly, as he had his stomach upset or his throat closed; his attitude was also getting me on my nerves, but the twins decided I was hungrier than nervous, so I just filled my mouth with the delicious home cooked meal that I had a long time without eating.

It was too strange, he and I were engaged in a normal conversation, talking with my family things about our career, discussing why we felt we were not going to starve with a profession like the one we choose, why we loved music so much and all the things that you could do with it; I was talking to them about my decision becoming a music therapist and he mentioned how he had sent some demos to some companies and was waiting for a response, but, according to some professor who were also in the industry, he was going to do well as a composer.

But what surprised me most, after my sister asked him to sing a bit of such songs for her to decide whether his teachers were right or not, he refused, saying that he couldn’t sing in front of me, because if they knew my voice, his would have no comparison, mentioning how much he was impressed by my voice, his power, his natural cadence, the wonderful way in which I could express my feelings with just a note, how he had been surprised because I  was a walking sunshine ball and  he wasn’t accustomed to see people with so much joy in its interior.

"The person who deigns to hurt you, Youngjae, is a very stupid person" Jaebum finished, staring into my eyes.

I felt a chill run down my back when our eyes met, I was surprised by his words, yes, but I was more surprised by the intensity with which he was staring at me; my cheeks burned and I looked down at what was left of my bowl of rice, but immediately my eyes returned to his, as if they were two magnets that I couldn’t get my stop staring.

"So, Mom, Dad, do you want to get to know Seoul?" my brother cleared his throat, his foot accidentally hit my leg, so both stopped staring at each other with a start, my sister saw me with an amused look and I found out my brother hadn’t hit me by accident, and he hadn’t changed topic just like that.

"We'd love to, but I don’t think that the kids would let us go to many places” my mom sighed, seeing how the older children had only calmed down when my sister lent them her cellphone to watch Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol.

"Well, I don’t think Youngjae is too interested in touring a city he already knows” my sister said, rocking the baby in her arms, who was taking a bottle quite nosily “besides, I don’t think he has his luggage ready.

"True, Youngjae, you have to stay to pack” my mother said, pursing her lips.

"So, you want to take care of your nephews for a while? I mean Jaebum can help you with that, it will be a wonderful idea, don’t you think?” I just stared at my brother with horror, even Jaebum looked scarred for life.

We were both horrified of babysitting, I had never been very good with them and apparently Jaebum either.

“It's decided then!” My father said with joy. “Even though I think both of you need to take a shower, specially you, Jaebum-ssi” he slapped his shoulder and, how he was still in shock, he threw him against the table “you smell like a bad canteen and honestly, I don’t think the baby would like to see you with so much things stuck on your face, so, if you can, take all that metal, just for a while” Jaebum frowned, and one of the hoops around the corner of his lower lip twitched as his lip had a nervous tic.

"You can shower here if you want, darling, I suppose Youngjae doesn’t mind lending you some clothes” my mother said, as if she was the owner of the place and my clothes.

“No!” we both exclaimed at the same time “Please, mom, I won’t share my underwear with him” I kind of whined “besides, my clothes will be too short on him, it’s better if he goes home, besides, they are my nephews, don’t involve Jaebum in this. It’s not his duty to take care of children who aren’t his.” Jaebum stood up hastily and nodded.

"Youngjae, please." My sister groaned and approached my ear, taking advantage of the fact that the others were distracted in picking up the dishes “it’s obvious he would do anything for you, and I know that just by the way he looks at you.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, my father took Jaebum away and my sister whispered again.

“You don’t fool anyone saying you’re just neighbors…”

"Think of it as training, for both of you" my brother added.

“The problem is…” wait a minute, did he say what I think he said? “Wait, what?!” I exclaimed again, my brother just shrugged and my sister ran her hand down my tiny bump, sighing softly and her eyes filling with tears “How…?”

“Last night I heard some of your conversation, well, I heard enough to know what’s going on between you two” my brother replied “and I told her.”

“Just…just don’t say anything to my parents, yet, please” I pleaded.

"Give Jaebum a chance for the sake of…" Woogeun looked down and my sister ran her hand again through the bump. “Do it for them.”

Well…Shit.

X

X

X

 

This had to be the worst idea of my life, or maybe the second one, anyways, no one in their right mind would’ve thought that Jaebum and I could coexist in the same space for more than an hour without arguing, or at least alone.

I felt like I was one with the couch, just watching how my family cleared the table, my mother washed the dishes while my father was taking a shower; the three kids fell asleep at least 20 minutes before the time they had agreed to leave, which was good because they could sleep for about two hours, which meant peace and a little freedom for a while.

My sister sat next to me, a few minutes before they leave, wanting to take advantage that my parents were busy getting ready, to talk to me.

“Relax your face, don’t look so mortified, you’ve taken care of them before.” She said, patting my leg.

“But I didn’t had to do it with Jaebum.”

“It’s a very good opportunity to see his Daddy material” she said, just shrugging and I snorted “I mean, the real father material, because I guess he has a lot of Daddy in him” she sighed, kind of dreamily and I scrunched my nose “I don’t understand how such hot guy was able to…impregnate you.”

“Noona!” I whined and she laughed “That’s gross, he’s a lot younger than you” she just laughed again “anyways, I know he doesn’t want anything…”

“He may surprise you, don’t be so harsh with him and don’t start thinking negative thoughts, that’s going to ruin your night.”

“But he…”

“I know, Youngjae, I know, Woogeun told me everything he could hear last night” she sighed “we just want the best for you.”

“I am afraid of giving him a chance and that he rejects it coldly, he already did” I admitted “I am more afraid that that than killing my mom from a heart attack with the news.”

“Why am I getting a heart attack?” my mother said, walking into the living room and sitting by my side "Are you misbehaving? Did you tried drugs? You already got a tattoo, don’t you?” she started to pull one of the sleeves of the hoodie “You always threatened me of scribbling on your body like a hooligan.” 

“No! Mom!” I said, complaining about the pulls that shaken me completely.

“You can’t hide anything from your mother, Choi Youngjae” she said to me, getting serious in one instant, staring at me with her X-ray look “and you know I support you in everything” I could swear her eyes were tearful “except you getting a damn tattoo!”

My sister and I burst out laughing, more of nervousness than anything else, listening to a long rant of how I almost gave her a stroke when I came home with the three piercings in my left ear and how she would really have a stroke if she discovered that I had done something more serious than that. My arm gave an involuntary twitch and placed my hand in my belly, I also felt a tingling sensation in the tattoo on my arm. Sorry, Mom, when I finish telling you everything you’re going to end up as ghost extract.

"It's better if you leave, it’s getting late and you won’t have time to visit all the places you planned” I said, yawning, it was five minutes after the agreed time with Jaebum “It’s obvious Jaebum is not going to…” there was a small knock on the door.

Me and my fucking talent to invoke people.

My father opened the door, cheerfully after another faint knock, revealing a Jaebum that made my jaw drop to the floor.

The first time I met Jaebum I totally identified him as a playboy, rude, macho, chic, as someone who was always causing troubles; he was fucking hot with his tank tops, skinny ripped jeans, his hair, slightly red and then deep black, always messy, the day of the party he had a sexy undercut and since that day he had slicked his hair back, revealing his glorious forehead (I would never admit all of this in front of him), If you thought of Jaebum, you related him with multiple piercings, there wasn’t many men with snake bites on campus, which made him stand out from the crowd.

But at that moment it seemed like an alien had taken Jaebum’s body and decided to live among us.

Now his hair, as black as two hours ago, fell over his forehead with a slight parting on the side, just so he wouldn’t look like an open book, his hair was somewhat wavy and fluffy, it was kind of obvious he had put on some hair product because my fingers remembered that his hair was extremely straight and sleek.

He had left his tank tops, graphic tees and slim fitted shirts at home, now he was wearing a black over-sized hoodie with a print that read DEFSOUL on his chest (I knew that was his stage names, but I wouldn’t admit that in front of him either); his jeans has stopped to be quite ripped, or leather imitation or be tight as a second skin, now they had a straight cut, they were still a little bit tight around his strong thighs but they were a little looser and light in color; the only thing that stayed of his past outfits was his traditional ankle-high Converse.

However, the most radical change, or the one more noticeable, was that most of his piercings had disappeared, only a small star shaped stud remained in his left ear and there were still visible holes where the others had been before; Jaebum's lips always seemed to invite you to hot kisses and wet bites with the hoops of his snake bits, but know, without them, they invited you to pure and chaste kisses, maybe one or two in the forehead, and I thought they looked even plumper than before (again, don’t say I thought it)

Jaebum was chic and sexy before, now he looked just handsome (the last thing I would never admit face to face).

“Well! You really are very handsome, Jaebum-ssi” my sister let out and I saw Jaebum's ears redden “even I would have let him impregnate me, look at those genes…” my sister whispered in my ear and I resisted the urge to hit some sense in her.

“Good! Then we’ll leave now” my father rubbed his hands and my family became again a joyful and laughing bustle.

Between farewells, recommendations, blessings and jokes about the new look of Jaebum and its radical change in just a few hours, finally the door closed behind my brother, who winked at me before doing so.

"Seriously, Jaebum, you don’t have to stay, the kids are asleep and will not wake up for another two hours." At last I broke the silence after about five minutes of discomfort, he had sat on the opposite side of the couch, playing with his lips, still accustomed in playing with the hoops “you are free to go.”

"No, I'll stay...your father promised me 50,000 won if I stayed." He shrugged.

"And I thought you were doing it because you are a good person” I sighed and stood up, going towards the kitchen, unfortunately it was gleaming more than ever, so I couldn’t entertain myself by washing dishes or scrubbing the grease accumulated on the stove.

"It's funny," he said after another time in silence, I had returned to the couch with a bag of chips in my hand, I wasn’t exactly hungry but I wanted to eat something to keep myself busy with something, I guess that was the first craving.

"What’s funny?" I asked, putting a handful of chips in my mouth and offered him some.

“It's only been a day, but I can already see _something_ ” he took the chips with his gaze fixed on my tiny bump, which looked a little bit bigger thanks to the way I was sitting and the pockets of the hoodie crumpled in that area.

“More like, now you know there is _someone_  in here, before you knew this you may have thought I had just a very bad case of gas that I couldn’t expel.”

“Two farts that won’t come out in another six months” Jaebum replied, wrinkling his nose.

There was a few minutes in which we just stared at each other, and then we just burst laughing for the occurrence of that comment, but we had to muffle our laughs so we ended up giggling like picky high school girls.

"I missed your laughter," Jaebum said out of nowhere, ruffling my hair. "I'm sorry...I…now can we talk?"

"Of course, I suppose we can talk." I sighed, lowering my face so he wouldn’t see that he made me blush.

"You know, I feel like our relationship could have been very different," Jaebum said, apparently very interested in one of my socks “And I know that my attitude was not the best yesterday...I just wanted to say that...I am so…”

A shrieking cry cut his words.

Again with the perfect timing, Youngjae.

When Jaebum was about to speak from the bottom of his heart, the baby, that wasn’t supposed to wake up for another 90 minutes or so, woke up crying so hard and so loud that also made the other kids wake up.

Oh…that timing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys and thanks for reading another chapter of this humble story!
> 
> Yay! We reached 10 chapters and we're not even in the middle of this! XD It's been a long time since I wrote a fanfic with more than 10 chapters (I think it was circa 2009-2010 and it was a Naruto fanfiction)
> 
> Yay! Valentina just turned 1 year old! I can't believe how quick time passes
> 
> Yay! Jaebum is beheaving a little bit better than before! :D -butremembernottogetyourhopeshighhe'sstilladouche-
> 
> Yay! I need to sleep before I go to the hospital tonight -ugly cries-
> 
> ARE YOU VOTING FOR MAMA!?!?!?!? WE NEED TO VOTE LIKE CRAZY!!!!!! 
> 
> See you next time! :D don't forget to comment and pass the voice on this awesome(?) fanfic! :D and let's pray for more 2jae around here!
> 
> BTW I just dreamed with a MarkJin one shot in which Jinyoung is a fucking teasing bastard and Mark is jealous and...yessssss the hot stufffffff
> 
> Good bye now!
> 
> Marie


	11. Never

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!!  
> -plsdon'thatemetoomuch-

As soon as I heard the baby cry, I stood up, trying to ignore my accelerated heart rate due to the direction in which Jaebum was taking our conversation, and paying more attention to the baby who cried desperately because she didn’t know where she had awakened.

The baby calmed down almost immediately when I took her in my arms, the other kids were somewhat dazed and struggled to shake off the drowsiness, but, as soon as they saw Jaebum, they ran to show him many things they could do and invited him to play with them.

In less than thirty minutes, the small apartment became a war zone, or something very similar to a war zone, except that instead of bullets and bombs exploding everywhere, they were children running from one side to another, followed tired of a young adult with a face of confusion and fatigue.

Actually, my nephews weren’t naughty, nor they misbehaved, their only problem was that they didn’t stay quiet for a long time, or didn’t entertain themselves with something long enough for an adult to have time to recharge energy; Jaebum could be playing princesses with my niece and suddenly the boy wanted to play wrestling; All this while I took care of walking the baby or I went after her, watching carefully so she wouldn’t put everything in her mouth, let alone touch the electrical outlets.

Basically we had everything under control, nobody had cried, no one had thrown tantrums, nobody had fallen off the head of the bed, and, as I was getting a little headache (since suddenly Jaebum was a giant spider that was going to attacking the city, a kind of fortress made with all the cushions and pillows there and there in that place, and the children started screaming as if Jaebum were really a giant spider), it occurred to me to suggest something, something that almost came from my lips without thinking too much, and, although I knew it was too early to have cravings, I knew that the twins had used some special connection to express their thoughts through my mouth.

“Can we go for some ice cream?”

And who cared if it was November and it was getting colder, who cared if we had no way of actually going to get ice cream or that children would became even more hyperactive, nope, nothing else mattered, I just knew that in those moments I wanted ice cream, strawberry ice cream, if possible.

“Don’t you think that's a bit...?” Jaebum asked me, while the children ran excited for their coats, even the baby had begun to applaud and babble excitedly.

“We don’t necessarily have to go to an ice cream shop, the corner store will be enough” I replied, trying not to pout. “We have a stroller, the children know safety rules on the street and, most importantly, _we_ want ice cream.”

Jaebum looked at me stupidly for a few seconds, not understanding my words, until he saw the subtle way in which I caressed my belly, smiling shyly.

So, ten minutes later, we were walking down the sidewalk, the children on either side of Jaebum, who was holding their hands and playing "I see", me, walking behind them, pushing the stroller with the baby who was chattering happily and smiling as if the sun made her very happy.

After buying the ice cream, in the same store where we had exchanged our first words on the night I met him, we walked another three blocks to a nearby park (of which I didn’t knew its existence) and we sat under a big shadow together, watching the children eat and tell bad jokes, Jaebum laughing lazily, more out of courtesy, at those jokes and cleaning every second the baby's mouth, which was getting covered with chocolate a lot, since they were sharing the same ice cream, and, although I couldn’t believe it, seeing her with something that looked like fatherly tenderness.

Seeing him like that, I couldn’t help remembering my sister's words, realizing that Jaebum wasn’t such an douchebag, that even though he behaved like an asshole with me, his attitude changed completely in front of the children, besides that he had agreed to buy ice cream almost immediately when he realized that his babies were the ones who wanted ice cream; just as he immediately offered to take me to the clinic and pay for it, despite having abandoned me after panicking, and had tried too hard to talk to me later, not in the best conditions, but, all of that made me think of that maybe, deep down, Jaebum wasn’t as stupid as I thought and, as Jinyoung had said, he was a good person, he just didn’t knew how to react to situations.

“What? Do I have a poop on my face or something?” he asked nervously and I laughed, remembering how we had delayed a bit when changing a diaper.

“No, that's not it” I replied, suddenly feeling very interested in how the children took turns pushing each other on the swings “it's just that...I didn’t thought you could be like that.”

“What do you mean?” Jaebum asked me, frowning a bit.

“You are all a love with children, or rather, you’re demonstrating true human feelings.”

“Duh? I am human, What emotions am I supposed to show?” Jaebum snorted, watching as the baby had decided that she no longer wanted ice cream, beginning to suck on her big toe.

“You know what I mean” I sighed, finishing the rest of my ice cream with a big bite.

“Yes, the worst thing is that I do know what you mean and...” Jaebum also sighed, lounging on the bench. “Youngjae...I…”

“You know, you don’t really have to say anything, just...” I didn’t even knew where to start or what I was supposed to tell him, the words only started to flow from my mouth, I wanted to look at him, but it seemed that those instants other things that weren’t his eyes were more interesting.

“It's just that...I have to say it.” Jaebum shifted uncomfortably in his seat and, out of nowhere, placed his hand on top of mine. “I haven’t acted in the best way since we met and that's why I'm sorry, Youngjae, I'm really sorry, I am very sorry for all this that I am making you go through” I almost dislocated my neck when turning quickly to see him at the moment of listening to his words, and yes, there was true sorrow in his almond-shaped eyes. “I know that I didn’t reacted in the best way, I know that I did wrong to leave you last night and I know that I did doubly wrong to appear on your door in the state I was in, but, it's complicated, I don’t know if you could understand…”

“You tell me, I am the one that has life inside of me, the one that didn’t even know that was possible, at least you already had time to learn from your mistakes after what happened with Jinyoung...” I stopped abruptly, I wasn’t supposed to say that.

“He told you” Jaebum pursed his lips until they became a thin line.

“Yes, he did, but I…”

"No, it's okay, maybe that can justify my actions a bit, I mean, it's not something that should be justified” out of habit, he bit the corner of his mouth “I want you to understand something, Youngjae, all my life  it's always been just me. I am an only child and I grew up with all the stereotypes of an only child in a rich family, I have always had everything and, from a very young age, I knew that if I wanted to do it, I could do it, even if I was that all the children played with me in the sandbox or that I could get in my bed the most attractive people in each course.” He paused, waiting for me to comment on something, but as I just looked at him, he continued: “What happened with Jinyoung and that baby it did served as learning to not make the same mistake twice...”

“Then why…?”

“I don’t know, Youngjae, I don’t know if it was the way you asked me, part of my ego to know that I was making you enjoy like never before, that you were always going to remember me for it, believe me, I don’t have the most remote idea of why I committed...that stupidity" Jaebum sighed, rubbing his face with despair “The point is that, that's past, here's my present” his eyes drifted to my belly “But, as Jinyoung already told you, I wasn’t ready to be a dad when I was eighteen, and I'm not ready to be one now, and why? Because my only fatherly model has been absent for most of my life, I only saw him as someone to fear for bad grades and as a credit card that could compose all my mistakes, a credit card that bought my love, or my appreciation, with expensive gifts, the latest in cell phones, the latest in cars, the latest in clothes, and all that.”

“But, Jaebum, nobody is born knowing how to be parents” I said, his hand hadn’t moved of above mine.

“I know, I've read and I've heard that a thousand times” he let out a giggle “I know I have no right to tell you this, but, literally, when I got to hear those words, when I saw on that screen...” His voice broke “when I saw them, my whole world fell apart; my dreams of becoming a famous composer and producer, of winning thousands of awards, of living a life full of luxuries, of continuing to have whoever I wanted in my bed, of being able to start a family in the future, as an older man when I had managed to fulfill all my dreams and goals...all that...simply vanished and...” for the first time, I was seeing real tears in Im Jaebum's eyes “It freaked me out.”

“I understand” I sobbed “Believe me, I understand you perfectly, even at this moment I can tell you that I am terrified, I don’t know how my parents, my classmates, everyone will react, I don’t know if I can continue working, I don’t know if I can take the next semester, or I have to leave my studies for a while after giving birth, shit! I don’t know how I am supposed to give birth!” I tried to calm myself by inhaling deeply “I honestly don’t know how to take this situation, that's why...I need you.” I babbled, with bubbling sounds coming out of my nose. “I'm not asking for relationship now, I'm not asking you to marry me or live together, fuck, I don’t even know what I'm asking you, or what I want from you...I just know that I want you to be there, just as I want Yugyeom or BamBam, or that my parents to be there; I want you to be there when we have to give the news, I want you to be there when people start calling me a degenerate or a phenomenon, I need you to be there at every consultation with the doctor, when they tell us what sex they are, when they teach us how much they are growing, I want you to be there to hold my hand when I get out of bed, because I know I'm going to get huge, just...I want you, I _need_ you.”

I was completely fed up with crying at every moment and for anything those days, but, there I was, crying and crying inconsolably in a park, rocking incessantly the baby in the stroller, who was falling asleep, trying to clear my mind to be able to plan a future, a future that had taken a totally unexpected turn.

The difference is that now I didn’t have to dry my tears alone, but Jaebum cleaned them carefully with one of the sleeves of his hoodie, ignoring his own tears that ran unceasingly down his cheeks, swelling his eyes and almost making them disappear. For a moment I saw the perfect man who I believed Jaebum was before that party, that gentlemanly and intriguing man, the one who cared to take me to my building and who was passionate writing music, the man I had gotten a huge crush on in order to accept be with him, even if it had only been for one night.

“I'll try, okay?” he finally sobbed, now wiping his nose with the same sleeve “We need take advantage of this night to tell your parents and your siblings, before you go with them for the holidays, so you will not have to tell them by yourself, okay?” I nodded.

“My siblings already know, last night my brother heard while we were arguing and then he told my sister” I said between hiccups and I laughed a little at his face of amazement “Why do you think they were so insistent that you stay to have lunch and help me with the children today?”

“Now all makes more sense...” He pursed his lips comically and I laughed, feeling the vibration in my pocket, announcing the return of my family to my apartment “It's time?” he asked, his voice had become a little weak.

“It's time” I agreed “it's better to do it quickly, it's not like I could hide it for a long time, that would have been if I had found out earlier” and I got up, calling the children so we could go home.

Even though I was about to let go of one of the biggest bombs that a son can release to his parents (well, two if you count that they will also find out that I am gay), I felt strangely calm, almost relaxed knowing that Jaebum would be there to support me.

The way back was practically silent, the kids were tired from running all over the park, the baby had fallen asleep fast, Jaebum was walking behind me now, not saying much, in the furtive glances I gave him, he looked plunged into a great thought and, as we got closer to the department, he was getting more and more pale.

In the apartment, my parents were sitting in the couch, also tired of having spent most of the afternoon walking around Seoul, my sister listened carefully to what her kids were telling her about the activities carried out during the day, and When my mother had asked me how it had been babysitting with Jaebum, I glanced a look at him, wanting to tell him that this was the moment.

“Mom, dad, actually...I want to tell you something” my voice was trembling and I began to play with the sleeves of my hoodie “I...”

But I couldn’t even began to speak, Jaebum had pulled me unexpectedly by the arm and, with some rudeness, he pushed me into my room and closed the door behind him, he seemed frantic.

“Jaebum? What happened? You want to practice or…?”

“No. I can’t do it.” he answered, his voice firm and serious, staring at the floor.

“Okay, no practicing.” I said, feeling a strange sensation in my stomach and my mouth going dry. “Then why…?”

“I won’t do it, I’m sorry, I can’t” this time he looked at me dead in the eye “The opportunity of my life is in front of me, and I just...” he shagged his hair, leaving it in a complete mess “the day we came outside the apartment, when I heard you talking to your roommates, Jinyoung and I were going to celebrate, I was offered a scholarship, an internship at the PYJ, that internship is given only to three students per year, one of them this year is me.” the feeling in my stomach was getting worse “It is the opportunity of my life, this finally opens the doors to what I always dreamed, to be a composer and producer, if I do well in this internship, I am going to be able to stay at that company,  and, if I do great in my job, I’ll be able to work with the people that really matters in the industry.”

“But what in the world that internship has to do with…?”

“It would ruin me completely if they found out I have two babies on the way.”  The words felt like cold slaps in my face “So, no, Youngjae, I'm sorry, I can’t do it. You will have all my financial support, of that there is no doubt, you don’t have to give up school or work extra shifts, I will pay for consultations, medicines that you may need, I will cover everything related to babies, just...” he stopped a bit when he saw my face distorted by disappointment, his image in front of me slowly blurred as tears filled my eyes. “Just don’t say that I am the one who got you pregnant.”

I don’t  know if he added something else, I don’t know if he said something to my family before leaving the apartment, giving a loud slam behind him, I just knew that after his words I had to hold the desk to avoid falling, feeling that panic and fear that I hadn’t felt on the way home, I was seized in a single moment, but more than the fear of knowing that I was going to do that completely alone, more than the fear that my parents had listened to our conversation and to know their reaction, more than all of that, my shock was because, once again, I had believed in Im Jaebum.

“Youngjae, darling, please, look at me.” I heard my mother's voice come from far away, slowly I turned to see her, with her tearful face a few inches away from mine, she took me from the waist with force with one hand and the other placed it in my belly, in the living room I could see my brother arguing heatedly with my father about something, he looked clearly annoyed, impressed, surprised, devastated, it was a mixture of feelings that I didn’t knew clearly how to define them.

“Mommy, I…” I managed to articulate, but the words stuck in my throat and I looked down, hugging my belly almost instinctively.

“It’s okay, honey, they'll be fine, you'll be fine.” When she looked into my eyes I knew, I knew she had heard everything. “Mom will be here to take care of you and my precious grandchildren.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“Mom, Can we leave to Mokpo now?” I said, wanting to get away from it all as soon as possible, keeping in mind that I should never trust Im Jaebum again, ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, let's just all hate Jaebum and not me, because, obviously he is the one that's a douche, not like an author is responsible for that -hides from all the tomatoes thrown at her-
> 
> FINALLY! My muses decided to work on what I had before (let's just briefly remind you that I wrote a new Markjin one shot (Tease) and a new 2jae chaptered story in a hospital AU (We Weren't Meant to Be) so, if you hadn't had the chance to read them or if you're just bored and want something new to read, go ahead and try! (I personally recommend the one shot because, duh, it's full of markjin smut) ANYWAYS, ENOUGH WITH THE SELF PROMOTION!
> 
> Let's see this chapter as a mid-season finale, next chapter we are going to move forward to January (let's remember that, even if I have been writing this for a little over a year now, this is settled as in a normal school semester timing(?), so, as it is the end of the fall semester, it's november, so, next semester will be spring semester so JANUARY) so, Youngjae will definetly be showing, and, Youngjae's big saviour is back, along with the best dumb-uncles those twins can get. 
> 
> Enough ranting, I don't even know if you read all this...but I like talking to you, I like talking to you more than I like talking to my mom or something, you won't judge me...WOULD YOU?!!?!?!
> 
> Thanks for reading, subscribing, kudos and SPECIALLY FOR YOUR COMMENTS!-won't stop being a review whore, ever! *start's singing Never Ever*-
> 
> SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!! 
> 
> Marie.


	12. Nothing to do with it

I almost had a déjà vu when I stood up at the entrance of the campus, only this time, instead of warm air and scorching sun, there was cold air and the sun was shining lazily above us; I inhaled the cold air breeze of mid-January, wrapped up in a puffy jacket that almost reached my knees and a thick scarf surrounding my neck, covering my nose and mouth, so no one really knew who I was and, most importantly, the jacket hid my twin pregnancy belly of 23 weeks of gestation, which, unfortunately, was quite prominent.

“Youngjae!” I heard BamBam’s voice calling me from a distance and I immediately located him between the crowd, it had been a couple of months since the last time I had seen him, he seemed even taller and lanky than ever, but now his hair was a bright cherry red, giving him the appearance of some Thai chili, his eyes were again icy blue thanks to the contact lens and in his ears flashed some bright long earrings.

“Weren’t you actually very afraid of needles and injections?” I asked him as soon as he reached me and gave me a big hug.

“My sister managed to convince me after chugging down half a bottle of tequila, the next thing I knew I was already getting pierced, so, since we were already there, I told the piercer to do the rest of them” BamBam shrugged, automatically putting a hand where my belly was more prominent “Let’s go or you’re going to get a pneumonia” he took my suitcase and grabbed my arm “wait for you to see Yugyeom, that’s the best thing ever, and also, he got two tattoos while on his vacation.”

X

X

X

When I entered the dorm, I was greeted with a wall of heat coming from the heating that was at maximum power, besides, I could also smell the familiar scent of ramyeon cooking in our small stove, BamBam’s suitcase was abandoned in the middle of the living room, with half of its content scattered around the couch; Yugyeom came out of the bedroom and I almost burst out laughing when I saw his bright yellow hair.

“What the hell happened to you?” I asked, still laughing, getting rid of my thick jacket as I was starting to sweat.

“Some misfortunes with peroxide and the wrong kind of blond hair dye, but it still looks cool” Yugyeom shrugged “what happened to _you_?” he snorted mockingly “You’re huge!”

“They are two babies, what were you expecting?” I replied, sitting with the grace of hippopotamus in a small free space on the sofa, accentuating the curvature of my belly with my hands “My sister says I’m the size she was when she was six or seven months along, and I’m just five months” I sighed “besides, my mother really wanted me to eat for three people” I sighed again, staring at the huge curvature that looked even bigger when I sat down, actually, I couldn’t stand sitting in for too long, the babies pressed harder against my diaphragm, bladder and sometimes a heel or something would dig up my ribs. “I don’t want to imagine how humongous I’ll be by the end of this.”

Even knowing that I was pregnant with twins didn’t help in my surprise on how fast I showed, I had left for Mokpo looking like I’ve had a horrible case of constipation, and after a week or two I couldn’t close up the buttons of my jeans and I had to start wearing tracksuit pants and loose shirts and hoodies, just staring in disbelief and hopes how my belly was growing every day, until it was mechanically impossible to continue wearing tracksuit pants without them showing half of my butt, so my mother had to go in a shopping spree to find some not-so-feminine maternity pants and shirts and my sister sew some elastic band in some of my jeans.

And my mother also didn’t help much in me not gaining so much weight, my nausea had stopped and the constant vomiting, so my mother being the typical Korean mother, started cooking my favorite meals and gave me up to three rations in each sitting, and I was very happy with it.

“Then, are you going back to your normal life?” Yugyeom asked me, sitting on the floor.

“Well, I still have to pay rent and bills here, and I have to give my share of the groceries” I shrugged and placed my hands in one bulge in my abdomen, Thing 1 and Thing 2 liked to move around as if there was enough space and they got comfortable in the weirdest positions, making my bump look, instead of a smooth round ball, a bumpy one “I took only four classes and my boss agreed to give me a part-time job in the mornings, I’ll be home by 6pm and that’s the latest I’ll be coming home, no more night shifts and endless homework. Also, the birth is not going to affect in my student life, I’m due in May and, hopefully, I’ll be done with school by then.”

“And what about…?” BamBam began to ask, but stopped mid question, frowning and pressing his lips when he saw the look that Yugyeom and I gave him “what about the sex of the twins, do you know what they will be?”

"I've been able to know since 20 weeks, but Taehyung wants to be present when they tell us," I replied, pretending I didn’t realize what he was planning on asking, but responding anyway to the doubts that it was obvious that both had, after all, I left the city without telling anyone anything “Actually, he is supposed to be here by now, he said the got out of work about this time” I looked towards the door, as if Taehyung was going to appear suddenly.

“Then you kept in touch.” BamBam muttered.

“Well, obviously, that’s what you’re supposed to do with the father of your children” I sighed, those words were still kind of unfamiliar in my mouth, but I had to get used to them, that was my reality now. I broke all awkwardness with a: “I’m hungry, shall we go to dinner? I can even tell Tae to meet us there, you guys have to get to know each other better.”

“I like the idea” Yugyeom said, standing up immediately. “pork belly? Chicken and beer?” he asked as we put on our coats.

“Do you really want to drink beer in front of me seeing how things are?” I asked with reproach and the two idiots laughed at me.

X

X

X

“Yah, Kim Taehyung, stop eating the meat I just put on the plate! I feel like I’ve grilled a lot of meat and there’s so little” the three people I was having dinner with started giggling and I glared at them, putting a hand on my waist and pointing at them with the meat tongs.

“I’m sorry, baby” Taehyung apologized, taking the tongs from me and he flipped the meat “you eat now” he smiled at me with one of his beautiful square smiles and Thing 2 kick me in the rib, so I grimaced. “See, they are telling you they are hungry” he kissed me on my forehead and BamBam and Yugyeom suddenly checked they cellphones.

“I think they're making a fuss because they know I’m with you” I answered softly, ignoring that BamBam choked on his beer “I plan the schedule the appointment sometime this week. When do you have time?” I asked in a slightly louder voice and the kids stopped pretending they didn’t hear.

“I leave work at about 5 o'clock in the afternoon” Taehyung answered, putting several pieces of meat on my plate.

“I'm just saying that, if you can’t go, the uncles are more than willing to accompany Youngjae” BamBam said, pouring another glass of beer to Taehyung “We’ve conformed with just a simple video of the ultrasound, we’ve got rights too.”

“You are going to find out at the gender revelation party, not before” I said with my mouth full of lettuce and meat “along with Taehyung’s friends.”

“Do they know you are going to be a dad. Hyung?” Yugyeom asked, the two youngest had interrogated him from the moment they met him.

“Yeah, I told them last week, Seokjin hyung is the one who is more excited, he almost starts knitting as soon as I told him” Taehyung rolled his eyes “Namjoon Hyung almost had a heart attack when he saw him arrive with a thousand baby things...”

“Namjoon?” I interrupted abruptly, I remembered that name very well “Are you friends with Namjoon?”

“Yes, he actually works with me, he’s one of the best composers on our company. Why do you ask? Do you know him?” he asked and in turn I pursed my lips, that name gave me bad memories.

“Hey, BamBam!” Jackson’s super familiar voice was heard from the entrance of the restaurant. Yup, it had been too much perfection for a day “Why you didn’t tell me you were going out? I’m calling nonstop to your cellphone and you don’t answer me” Jackson’s angry face came up to our table and BamBam blushed with a mixture and fury and shame, Yugyeom put a hand on his shoulder, protectively.

“I told you I was going out with my friends” BamBam answered him and Jackson frowned “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in one of your thousand fencing training things you always left me hanging for?”

“It’s Jaebum’s birthday” Jackson defended himself “We came to have dinner before going to the club” he hadn’t even finished saying those words when I was already standing up and collecting my things, Taehyung leaving a large bill on the table and the younger helping me to put on my coat and my scarf. “what are you doing?”

“We must go” BamBam replied, shaking his head and it was when Jackson noticed my presence and made a surprised face, I didn’t know if it was because he realized that his boyfriend was with more people or because, like many, he was surprised to see my abdomen bulging, I was not quite sure he knew about the pregnancy. “Listen, I'll talk to you later, okay? The thing with is that…” I didn’t had time to finish listening what BamBam was saying to his boyfriend, I needed to get out of there quickly.

With a waddling pace I walked hurriedly towards the door, with Taehyung holding my hand tightly and Yugyeom behind us, glancing over his shoulder to see what it looked like a heated argument between the Thai and the fencer.

I claimed victory a little before time when I jerked open the door of the restaurant and the cold air hit me in the face, but with my luck, Jaebum appeared a few seconds later, with his nose redden by the cold, he had cut his hair in a mullet (but it looked more as if a donkey had chewed on him) and his arm around pretty curvy girl, they were laughing about something and he stopped short when he saw me, lowering his eyes from my face to my belly bump, hidden by my thick coat, until his eyes met with my hand intertwined with Taehyung’s hand.

“Y-Youngjae” he stuttered, he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t seen me and me neither. He let go of the girl as if her touch had burned him.

“Jaebum” I replied dryly, having the instinct to hold my bump with both hands, also releasing Taehyung and, perhaps, making what was beneath them a little more obvious.

“How…?” He stopped halfway through the sentence because his voice came out only as dry whisper.

“I hope you had a good holidays, Jaebum-ssi” I interrupted him, shaking my head a little to get back to my senses and pretend I didn’t care about that at all “Excuse me” I bowed my head a bit and hurried to pass by his side, but with my new size I miscalculated the space and I accidentally brushed my bump with his hand, and I felt him tense immediately after that.

I kept walking with a firm step until we reached where we had parked Taehyung's car, I felt slightly dizzy, almost in a trance and my ears were buzzing. I knew perfectly well that I would have to meet Jaebum at some point in the semester, only that I had planned it in a different way and, in my mind, he was the one who was going to suffer because of the indifference with which I was going to treat him, his presence was not going to affect me at all and, above all, the twins should not be moving as if I had just met the best person on the entire planet earth.

“Youngjae” Taehyung called me, wrapping me in a big hug “It's fine, I'm here, nothing is going to happen” he whispered in my ear and it was when I realized that I was breathing agitatedly “He is nobody in your life, don’t let it affect you” he took my cheeks between his big hands, staring into my eyes “Breathe with me, baby, everything is fine, I am with you, I will always be with you” and continued repeating soft words until I breathed normally again and the twins calmed down as well.

“I'm sorry, I wasn’t ready yet, I wasn’t expecting it” I muttered, and Taehyung smiled at me comfortingly. “Thanks.” I kissed him softly on the lips.

“Choi Youngjae” I was just getting over it when his voice was heard in the parking lot and his steps indicated that he had approached us “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“What do you want?” I answered in a bad mood.

“Just...I just want to know how they are, the three of you.” he said, pursing his lips and putting his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

“What for?”

“Well...I...” he stammered “I wanted to know if you had received the money, if you have felt sick, if you are okay, if they are okay, shit, I don’t know!” he sighed, frustrated. “I am the father of those children...I deserve to know something, at least.”

“No.” I cut him coldly, releasing a skeptical giggle “You are not the father and you don’t deserve anything, you have nothing to do with them, you left it very clear to me when you swore that you were going to be with me and not less than 10 minutes later you regretted it and let yourself be carried away by your selfishness.” I saw how he lowered his gaze and his jaw got tense “You don’t even deserve that I am talking with you right now” I snapped, letting all the disgust that his presence generated in me to be noted in my voice, I knew I was being cruel, but I didn’t care, he had made me feel worse than he should feel at those moments.

“But I…”

“You said no one should know, that _this_ ” I pointed at my belly “was going to ruin your future. I don’t know what you're doing here, interrogating me in a busy restaurant for college students and on your birthday, they shouldn’t even see us together. You should be out there, getting drunk and seeing who you are going to fuck tonight. Make sure you bring condoms, Jo! I don’t want to imagine how your wallet might take it if you have kids scattered everywhere. Maybe grannie and gramps won’t be so willing to give their precious grandkid so much money.” Jaebum's fist trembled slightly.  “I don’t even have to keep talking to you, we're nothing, I don’t have to see you for the rest of the semester, I have nothing to do with the disgrace of man you are, I’m quite happy with Taehyung, now, if you excuse me, goodbye” I hold on to the aforementioned hand, and, opening the door of the car with a pull, I climbed in, without looking back.

X

X

X

“I really don’t think it's a good idea to go to class the first week...we never do anything, maybe I should wait another week” I grumbled, Taehyung was nearly dragging me by the hand across the campus to get to my first class, to which I refused completely.

“None of that, the perfect assistance is achieved from the first day,” Taehyung refuted, pulling me with more eagerness, fighting with my backpack, he had taken it from me with the excuse that I was going to have serious joint problems because of the weight I was putting in and I shouldn’t add some more unnecessary weight.

“It's not true and you know it well” I pursed my lips, seeing that the building was coming closer “It's getting too cold, it's going to give me pneumonia if I went in and out of the heated classrooms to the freezing air of Seoul in January” I said desperately, stopping just before reaching the door.

“Choi Youngjae, stop it, tell me honestly, why you are so insistent that you don’t want to go to class?” Taehyung asked, sighing heavily and taking both hands in his.

I just bowed my head, feeling people approaching the building too, chatting animatedly, feeling them closer I turned more towards Taehyung, hiding my face in his chest, I had noticed that people who had been chatted happily lowered their voices until it became a whisper almost imperceptible to me, but everything had happened just as they passed by us.

“Oh...” Taehyung sighed, rubbing his face with one hand, realizing my fear without me having to say it. “Youngjae, listen...”

“I'm sorry, Tae” I apologized, lowering my face “I know you've been preparing me for this time, but the people...the people...”

“People don’t give a shit about what's going on with you.” Taehyung told me, taking my face in his hands “and if they start talking, let them do it, rub all the comments in your dick and throw them away. about you. You and I know the truth.

“You weren’t here when happened…what happened” I muttered “I was the talk of the entire campus for just something that came out of his mouth, this only confirms what he said. It will be too obvious, and I don’t want you and they to face something like this.”

“Enough, Youngjae,” Taehyung said firmly and took my hand. “Don’t listen to what they say, or what you hear, I will always be by your side, I will not go, and I will not deny them.” He put his other hand on my belly. “If you could face Jaebum and tell him to go fuck himself, you can send all the others to hell.”

“Don’t curse in front of the children” I snorted, making a face.

I knew that he was right, I had been able to face Jaebum with confidence, I had been able to ignore the derogatory comments towards me five months ago, being completely alone, now I could do it with Taehyung by my side, because Taehyung gave me the assurance that I was missing and I knew that if he kept holding my hand, with his big and manly hand, I could face the whole campus, especially when I wasn’t going to take any advanced classes, so there was no way I was going to face Jaebum again.

And, as my mind had imagined it, the corridors went from happy talk, about their vacations and how much they had gained weight due to the heavy family meals, to quick whispers, heads turning so fast that I worried that someone would hurt their sternocleidomastoid, I even saw that some fingers pointed to my belly or, if not, to my hand that tightened strongly to Taehyung's, I even thought I was going to break his hand, but his firm grip helped me to reach our classroom.

We hadn’t been able to take all the classes together, him being a senior and me a freshman, I had chosen mostly electives to not have such a heavy load during that semester and, in the end, we found a subject that he hadn’t taken and that I didn’t thought it was boring, because I wasn’t going to take Music History in my entire life.

“See...that wasn’t so bad,” Taehyung sighed when he finally could free his hand from my grip “almost nobody noticed.”

“You didn’t see anything because you aren’t wearing your glasses” I said, putting my hands on my lower back, where I had started to feel a discomfort, at this point I was going to end up wearing a girdle in the last months, or with a herniated disc, maybe both.

“Well...it could have been worse...”

“Kim Taehyung!” A slightly shrill voice was heard behind us.

“Well it looks like it can be…” Taehyung sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, the owner of the voice was one of my last semester class mates, Park Jimin, that boy changed boyfriends as he changed hair color...or rather, he changed hair color every time he changed his boyfriend, which was very often “Hi!”

“Don’t! don’t start greeting me as if we are old friends when you have not deigned to present me directly with...” Jimin was chattering and, before I knew it, he had already wrapped me in a hug so tight that knock my breath out. “Don't listen, Youngjae, forgive my best friend for being so rude.”

“Ahm…” I stammered, feeling too uncomfortable in that situation and more in that hug.

“Youngjae, I guess you know Jimin.” Taehyung rolled his eyes. “He has the habit of being a little bit dramatic.”

“Says the one who couldn’t stop talking about his high school sweetheart” Jimin stuck out his tongue, still without letting go of me “between the two, Taehyung is the most dramatic” he let out a long sigh, finally releasing me from his hug “Hey there kids, hi! I’m Uncle Jimin, I’ll be your favorite uncle!” he spoke to the bump, putting both hands on each side and leaning until being face to face with it.

“Don’t worry” Taehyung told me reassuringly, “he knows.”

“All of it?” I asked, and Taehyung nodded.

“He's my best friend, him I can trust him with something like this.”

“I thought I was your best friend.” I wrinkled my nose and Taehyung laughed.

“Best friends don’t stick their tongues up to the other’s throats.” he answered, giving me a light tap on the nose and I felt my face redden.

“They don’t?!” Jimin asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at him suspiciously, Taehyung flushed to his ears.

“That doesn’t count” Taehyung defended himself, stammering a bit.

“He started crying in the middle of us having sex, for some strange reason, it was when we became best friends” Jimin said in my ear, laughing as a schoolgirl “who would say you can bond over an erectile dysfunction?” he continued laughing and Taehyung blushed more, if possible, looking everywhere but avoiding my glaze “but I guess that didn’t happen to you, did it?”

“Park Jimin” Taehyung called in a threatening voice and I didn’t know whether to laugh or get angry. So, he had had one-night stands, huh?

“ok, ok, I won’t embarrass you in front of your love” Jimin apologized “but, according to him, the reason for his malfunction was that he was too drunk, but we had drunk the same amount of alcohol, so I don’t think…”

“Yah, Park Jimin! If you continue I'm going to show him the video of your dance presentation where you were so hungover that you ended up throwing up on the side of the stage. Or do you prefer the presentation where you ripped off more of the shirt you were wearing or where you fell on your buttocks in the middle of the stage?”

“You wouldn’t dare." Jimin narrowed his eyes and I felt like in a ping pong game, turning from side to side.

“Oh, look! Is that Professor Park?” I interrupted just in time, before Taehyung had the chance to answer him “I really don’t know him, how are his classes?” I tried to change the topic.

“Easy. In fact, this class is almost a 10 insured if you know how to compose and that, he only teaches you to produce with computers and that stuff.” Taehyung explained “so you won’t be having any difficulty, besides, Park Jinyoung is of the most influential investors in the PYJ, he has taken many of its students as interns and three of them have remained as professional workers, perhaps and we are lucky this semester.”

“Oh yes! They're going to choose me, especially because of the state I'm in.” I rolled my eyes.

“Maybe you are like Buddha, that rubbing your belly gives good luck” Jimin said.

“You just want an excuse to touch him but let me tell you...What the fuck is he doing here?!”  Taehyung exclaimed, hardening his gaze, staring at a point above my head.

I turned so quickly that I was surprised at myself for not losing my balance.

At the entrance of the teacher's room, there was, nothing more and nothing less, that Im Jaebum, chatting quietly with Professor Park, dressed impeccably in tight dress pants and a baby blue button down shirt, he had Professor Park's briefcase under his arm, and after that brief talk, both of them started walking towards us, I was very sure that he saw me as soon as his field of vision went to the corridor, so I had no way to run away and it would be a very desperate decision to drop the class, the heavens and I knew that I needed to have good grades in that semester and more because my enrollment for the following semester was still uncertain.

One of two, or I was really very unlucky, or fate liked to play bad jokes on me, although at the time it seemed a too bizarre mixture of the two, had I killed a king in my past life? But if I had done something like that in my past, wasn’t I supposed to turn into a goblin or a grim reaper? Ok, Choi Youngjae, no more unveiling watching dramas. This was real life.

“Remember, I'm here with you, nobody needs to know.” Taehyung whispered to me, rubbing my arms reassuringly.

Professor Park opened the classroom door, murmurs continued to be heard around me, I still felt not so discreet looks and on more than one occasion I heard my name and Jaebum's in what seemed to be the same sentence. For gossip, my companions were better detectives than Sherlock Holmes.

That class was the longest class of my life, I paid attention for the first 10 minutes and my brain completely disconnected, I could just copy Taehyung's notes after, anyway, nobody said anything interesting the first few days and what I wanted to know he had said right at the beginning: Jaebum was his teacher assistant and he was going to be the entire semester to share his experience and knowledge.

Bullshit

Beside me Taehyung absentmindedly doodle in his notebook, his gaze fixed on Jaebum, as if he intended to set him on fire or something like that.

I had never seen him as angry as the time I had to admit that Jaebum was the true father of the twins, after he asked me too insistently and threatened to eat all my chips if I didn’t tell him, that day I had heard his most fine language (I had even learned a few new profanities like "ass face"). His anger had been such that I had to stop him from hitting a wall, his explanation had been that he had always thought that Jaebum was a good for nothing, a posh child that would end up ruining his life, and that confirmed it, but his anger was even bigger because, he had not ruined only his life, but mine was affected by his actions, and even the lives of two people who were not even born.

The people around me began to move, so I assumed that the class was over, so with difficulty I stood up, being supported by Taehyung, who didn’t let go of my hand at all from the moment he took it to help me stand up.

Before we could take a step to leave the classroom, two classmates, whom I haven’t spoken to in my entire life and didn’t even knew her names, approached us, or rather, Taehyung, praising the "glorious and spectacular that I looked”, asking stupid questions about how our vacations had been and the usual verbiage, even asking Taehyung when he had returned and ending with the million-dollar question:

“How far along are you, Youngjae? I'd like to see myself as radiant as you if I get as big as you” my eyebrow gave a slight twitch. Big? That cow just say that I was big? I mean, I knew I was huge, but no one else could call me like that.

“I'm sorry, girls, Youngjae and I have to leave, or we'll be late for the next class” Taehyung hastened to answer, smiling widely and that seemed to work, the cows, I mean, the girls blushed at the square smile of my boyfriend and they let us go, looking curiously at our intertwined hands and my wobbling gait.

The only advantage of that intervention was that the classroom had been left empty, so I didn’t have to face my peers with their inquisitive looks and reproachful gestures. As if it was very strange to see a pregnant man walking calmly through the corridors of the faculty!

“Actually, we have a free time before I have to go to work and you have the next class. Do you want to eat something?”

“You know, lately we've had too much craving for pizza, with double cheese, five meats, siracha and kimchi on top of it” my mouth watered just by mentioning it and I put on my best puppy dog face.

“I'm not going to feed you with pizza, you're only allowed to increase a kilo per month.” Taehyung shook his head and I whimpered. “And I’m not feeding that Frankenstein monster you call pizza, and neither think about blackmailing me that you're not going to convince me! We will eat a delicious and nutritious salad.”

“Ugh...they hate salads more than anything, I never get full and I have to eat half an hour later after doing it” I said, crossing my arms in full tantrum mode.

“Lies, you love it and you know it. Actually, we are going to put an extra-large portion of…”

“Don’t! Don’t say it!”

“A huge portion of crunchy and green cucumber!” Taehyung said in a playful scream and pounced on me to tickle me, resulting in a cascade of laughter echoing in the hallway.

“Youngjae...” I stopped laughing at the moment I heard his familiar voice call me “Can we talk?” Jaebum asked me, signaling with his head an unoccupied classroom. Why he hadn’t gone with the teacher to another place? why did I still have this stupid destiny to bumping into him everyplace I went? Why?

But nevertheless, there was something different in his look, in his body posture, his intentions almost seemed to be the best, to speak in peace, without arguing, and, perhaps I had exceeded a little, after all he paid all the bills of the twins and, yes, he had the right to know how the pregnancy was going, up to a point.

“You know, Jaebum, I thought last night had been more than enough for you to understand that you no longer have a part in the life of Youngjae and the twins” Taehyung answered before I could even open my mouth, his face was stern, and his voice had dropped a few decibels, making it more serious and low of what it already was.

“I was talking with Youngjae, not you” Jaebum replied, “and I think it’s Hyung or Sunbae for you.” he added, frowning and snapping his jaws.

“Well, if you want to talk to Youngjae you also have to talk to me, it's that simple.” Taehyung crossed his arms.

“No, Taehyung, wait…” I tried to stop them.

“This is a matter between Youngjae and me, I don’t see that you have part in this.” Jaebum clenched his fists.

“I have part in it as I am the father of those kids” Taehyung said, and maybe I would like him for lower his voice a bit, since there were a few people in the hallway, who immediately turned to see where such ruckus came from. In front of me I could see how Jaebum went pale suddenly and, also, I could feel color leaving my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally came alive after a VERY LONG author block with this history. I suddenly didn't knew what to do with this or how to continue, I didn't knew how I could go form pont A to point B, and the result is also going through point A.1, A.2, A.3, etc. but it is FINALLY HERE -claps-
> 
> I'm SO SORRY if it's lame or wasn't so interesting, I wanted to set the mood for the next chapters and give you at least something to read so you won't leave me T.T please, don't leave me, i will continue writing this, this is my baby, I can't just leave it as it is. 
> 
> But my other reason for posting this is because I need to say to you that I AM GOING TO GOT7'S CONCERT IN MEXICO CITY IN LESS THAN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still can't believe it, I'm so fucking excited about it, I cry every 15 minutes because I am going to see them, I can't hear a song that is part of the setlist without screaming and crying and feeling excited, this whole concert thing has been a long journey for me, but FINALLY, FINALLY THE DATE HAS CAME!!!!! And you know why am I also excited? Because I'm going to meet, for the very first time, my dearest friend, one of my best friends, the one who listens to my fangirling, the one who gaves me her true opinion in this stories, the one who encourages me to write and write the other thousands stories I have pending, I am finally going to meet Chocopieyj! If you don't know her, she is the author of another AMAZING fanfic called Dangerous Game and if you haven't read it, YOU SHOULD GO AND READ IT RIGHT NOW, and well, we met here, she had read one of my stories and I had read one of her stories, and after she commented and I totally freaked over because THAT AMAZING AUTHOR HAD JUST COMMENTED ON MY STORY OMGI'VENOTICEDBYSOMEONEFAMOUSMAMA, and later I knew she also was from Mexico and...well...long story short, we had made a great friendship over 2jae and GOT7 and all that, and I'm really excited to meet her :D I'm going to squish the life out of her with a big hug and cry a river because I'm a little bitch.
> 
> Anyways, I know no one of you reads all of this bullshit, so, at last i'm going to be uploading a vblog on my channel about the experiences and the travel and all that, and you could also check my instagram @MarieMaknae23 as I guess I'll be uploading thousand stories and post from the concert, I mean, how can I not do it?!
> 
> See you guys next time! Please don't forget to comment, subscirbe and upvote! I hope I won't take so long to update again, let us all cross our fingers! :D 
> 
> Oh, and BTW, don't hate Jaebum too much, please, let us all remember that this is a 2jae story, so...yeah...that'swhyiintroducedwhomightbestayingwithtaehyungattheendbutit'snotaspoilersoyeah
> 
> bye!
> 
> Marie <3 


	13. The Real Im Jaebum

“I have part in it as I’m the father of those kids” and maybe I would’ve liked for Taehyung to lower his voice a little but even so, I saw that Jaebum, apart from suddenly going pale, he stepped back, as if the words would have slapped him.

“Taehyung, no…”

“Excuse me? You are not…”

"I have been since you quit your obligations" Warning! Warning! That shouldn’t be heard in a hall full of students who, although they wanted to pretend that everyone was minding their own business, were very aware of what was happening. “You know? You have to be a very poor excuse of a man to deny something as beautiful as life itself”

“Poor excuse? Sorry, but I don’t…”

“You said your career was more important!” Taehyung was starting to raise his voice.

“Taehyung, Jaebum, it's enough!” I stood between them “This is not something that should be discussed in public” I said in a stern voice.

“Ah! It’s something that shouldn’t be said in public, but you did tell him every detail of our relationship,” Jaebum said in a dismissive tone and I gave him a hard look. "Okay, okay." he took my arm and pull me into the classroom where everything must have happened.

Once inside the classroom I let go of his grip, frowning so deeply that I probably would have got a permanent wrinkle. Taehyung had come in behind me, standing next to me in what was meant to be a protective gesture, but I was same, or more annoyed with him, so he also received my menacing look.

“I'm sorry, Youngjae, I…” Jaebum started.

“Are you apologizing to him just now? Don’t you think he deserves a lot more than a simple I’m sorry?”

“Look, I told you not to get involved. You will know a version of the facts, but you don’t know what we have agreed upon” Jaebum intervened, I knew that he was getting tired of him, and I of the two and their testosterone fight.

“I told you it's enough” I interjected when Taehyung was about to reply “You’re are acting like five-year-old children, fighting over a toy that is not even yours. The toy has a mind and a soul of its own, it’s not a toy with which you can play, much less when there are two innocents who have nothing to do with this”

"Youngjae..." Taehyung began to speak reassuringly, putting a hand on my shoulder, which I took away with a quick movement.

“No, don’t start with your ‘Youngjaes’, Kim Taehyung, you know perfectly well that this whole pregnancy thing I wanted to take in holy peace, I didn’t want to start the gossip about me again or about them” stupid hormones that made me be a weepy angry, I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and inhaled a bunch of air “They aren’t the ones to blame for my mistakes and bad decisions, in the end, they are the ones that matter most to me.”

“Youngjae…” this time it was Jaebum the one speaking.

“No, you shut up too, Im Jaebum, that if we’re in this situation is your fault” Jaebum took another step back “Yes, you’re the one who fathered the twins and have fulfilled your word of paying consultations and other things, and I’m really thankful for it, you know very well that I don’t have as much economic solvency as you” I sighed deeply and shook my head “But it’s true, Jaebum, what Taehyung said is true, you renounced your fatherhood for the sake of your career but to answer your question, we're fine” I tried to smile at him “everything is a little easier because Taehyung is with me, I went with my parents all the break, my mom dedicated herself to getting me fat and all my pants have to have a huge elastic band to be able to button up; the twins are active, they love to wake me up at 3 o'clock in the morning, and they don’t calm down until I give them food” Jaebum lowered his look, watching how I put a hand protectively on my belly “Taehyung and I are very happy in this new stage of our lives, it’s almost the date to know the sex of the babies and we’re very excited, I want to throw a party to tell you all this” I took another breath “we’re really fine, Taehyung is all I need.”

“I'm glad you're fine…” Jaebum said with a trickle of voice “I... just... let me know if you need anything else…”

“Didn’t you hear?” Taehyung said before I could stop him. "Well, Youngjae is too nice to tell you clearly." Taehyung took a step toward Jaebum threateningly, but he didn’t move a bit. "They don’t need you, they're perfectly fine without you, now do me the favor and get the fuck out.”

For a moment I thought Jaebum was going to punch Taehyung, I think I even let out a warning scream and pull Taehyung to stop him.

"I'll just believe that the day I hear it from Youngjae's mouth…”

“Well, you better believe it for me…”

“I told you enough!” I said, shouting my head off “I'm already not sure why you're fighting, but I've had enough, and I've made my decisions but I can still change them if this continues” I throw threatening glances at them and both backed off a bit “I told you we aren’t some sort of prize, so please, stop, I’m begging you…”

"Let me know if you need anything else, whatever." Jaebum said after a pause too tense and without saying anything else, he left the classroom, whipping the door behind him.

“Yeah, he’s gone, everything’s okay, here I am with you…” Taehyung said, in that reassuring tone that he always used to relax me, but now I wasn’t in the mood.

"No, don’t touch me," I said, pushing his hand away. "Why did you do it? No, I don’t want you to answer me, I can’t believe that you, above all, you who know the whole story, did this drama, knowing that the only reason I decided to accept your proposal, was to avoid all the drama, thing that you just did” Taehyung put on a face that looked too much like a scolded dog “But if you're going to cause more scenes like this, I think I'll retake my initial plan to do all this alone.”

And without staying to see his reaction, I also left the classroom, drying those treacherous tears that I didn’t want anyone to see.

X

X

X

My stomach growled loudly as I put the plates on the big tray, it was a too busy day at work, and having arrived late because I was still upset by the morning's disgust with Taehyung and Jaebum didn’t help me at all, I was distracted, annoyed, the twins didn’t stop moving because I was too hungry and there was no time to sit down to eat, although once I had delivered that order all my tables would have their food and I could eat even if hurriedly.

“Youngjae, people came to the table 23” the hostess told me hastily, cleaning some dirty dishes from a table that had just been freed.

“Are serious? Everyone already went out to eat, less me!” I grunted regretfully. “Can’t someone cover me?”

“I don’t know okay? There are too many people to be Monday night and there is no enough staff” replied the girl in a bad mood.

Thing 1 gave a magnificent somersault in my belly and fit a foot in my rib, causing me to wince as I approached the table.

“Hello, welcome and good night, my name is Youngjae and I will be your waiter tonight. Do I offer you something to drink?” I said all my speech in a monotonous voice and already in a routine, looking for the commands inside my apron.

"Good evening, Youngjae." The customer's voice sounded strangely familiar, and when I finally dared to look up, there were Mark and Jinyoung, smiling at me as if we were old friends. "You look radiant" Jinyoung was the one who had spoken, looking at me from top to bottom, with a strange brightness in his eyes.

“Oh... Hi…” I stuttered.

"If that's how you look when you're pregnant, then yes, let's make the whole football team." Mark commented to Jinyoung and they both smiled.

“If by that you mean like a big whale, sweaty as if I had been poured on a big bucket of sweat, that my feet are so swollen that the sneakers are starting to tighten, then yes... go for all the football team," I said in a bad mood, placing a hand on my back, the weight of my belly was beginning to wreak havoc on my spine, already somewhat weak, I detect the confusion on their faces and I realized that I had talked more that I should “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just…” I sighed, feeling as if I was going to cry from one moment to another “I have not eaten anything yet.” I admitted quietly.

“That should be illegal” Jinyoung commented “In that case you take our order, you ask for something for you and come to sit with us, I don’t think there is a problem in that.”

“Well, actually there is, my boss is a bit special, in fact, I shouldn’t be delaying so long to take your order, I shouldn’t socialize” I sighed again “What can I get you?”

“Two lemonades for the moment and... five minutes of your time, just that.” Jinyoung said. “We'll pretend we're asking you a lot of things, there's something I want to tell you.”

I tried to take as much time as possible with those two simple drinks, I had an idea more or less about what Jinyoung wanted to tell me and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it.

"Well, we'll go to the point because I know you have a job, Youngjae," Mark said when I returned with the drinks. "We know what happened this morning." I rubbed the bridge of my nose. How could they not find out if Taehyung and Jaebum had shouted in the middle of the corridor?

"There's not much to say really, Youngjae, I just want to tell you to give Jaebum a chance.”

“Do you say it on your own or because Jaebum send you to tell me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I say it because I know Jaebum more than anyone, I know him more than he knows himself” Jinyoung said “He’s an idiot, yes, there is no doubt about that, but deep down he’s not that bad”

“Well, I'm still waiting to meet that not-so-stupid Jaebum”

“Jaebum will be part of your life, whether you want it or not, he is the father of those kids, whether you want it or not…”

“He renounced his paternity. Didn’t I mention it before?” A lump in my throat began to tighten “First he came to me and pretended to really care about me and for them, for several minutes I thought I could count on him, not that we were going to be a family, but that we were going to have his 100% support but no, for him his career and his social status was more important.”

“Youngjae, I had never seen him so sorry for anything in his life” Jinyoung told me in a serious voice “I don’t mean only that he regretted having slept with you, or whatever, he regrets having acted in that so immature way. Didn’t he try to talk to you civilly this morning?” he hastened to ask when I opened my mouth to reply, “I know he is trying to fix things, only that he’s not very good at these situations.”

“And what is this situation supposed to be?” I asked, crossing my arms.

"Beg for forgiveness," Mark said this time.

“I just want to tell you, ask you... or suggest you, to try to give him a second chance” Jinyoung said “If Jaebum is going to continue appearing surprisingly in your life, it is better that you have things in peace, that you let them know about them, about you…” I blinked a couple of times to keep away the tears that had wanted to form in my eyes “Believe me when I tell you, Youngjae, I had never seen him so sorry and so willing to do things right, just... try it, I’m not saying to forgive him immediately, his actions don’t deserve it either, but don’t close your heart.”

“You really cared about him at some point, right?” Mark asked. "I still remember how you saw him before all this happened.”

"I did care about him before I met the real Jaebum." My voice sounded too nasal as I tried to hold back the tears, so I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“And are you sure that's the real Jaebum?” Jinyoung asked me in return and I felt how the words were recorded in the depths of my heart.

X

X

X

 

The night was a little cold and I was only wearing a light sweater but I needed to leave, I needed a moment alone after the words that Jinyoung had told me, that kept repeating in my mind again and again like a crooked version of a record player in repetition all because I knew that he was right in a certain way, but I didn’t want to accept it, not yet, not when it had been so long to convince myself that we didn’t need Jaebum in our life.

“Are you crazy or what?!” A voice made me jump to the one, startling me in my contemplation of the starry sky. “We are in the middle of January and you go out just with that thin sweater, you can get a pneumonia.” I simply blinked in response, watching as Jaebum looked at me from his side of the fence, with a cigarette between his fingers, obviously on a smoking break.

“I don’t get cold like before... thanks to hormones” at last my brain remembered how words were articulated, but I couldn’t remove my surprised expression.

“Even so, even if you’re not cold your body will react differently to the change of temperature - here, put this on” he offered me his coat, he was wearing a jacket under it “Come on, at least only while you're out here” he urged me, grimacing.

“Doesn’t it smell like cigarettes?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and seeing the lit cigar in his hand.

"Shit..." he muttered, lowering his arm.

"Okay, give it to me, it's not like I have never smelled how much you reek of cigarettes" I shrugged, taking the coat from his outstretched arm and putting it on, it smelled exactly as I remembered his aroma, a mixture of cigarette smoke, coffee and the masculine smell of his cologne.

“Is it that bad?” he asked.

“You smoke around 4 to 5 cigarettes a day, maybe you don’t smell it, but others can do.” I answered, and he threw the rest of his cigarette on the floor, stepping over it.

“I'm sorry, come on, let's move from here because of the smoke, it will hurt them” he gestured, and we moved a little more towards the back of the yard, which was lightly lit, and I could barely see his face, hidden in the gloom . "So..." There was a little awkward silence between the two of us, I was waiting for him to say something and he seemed to be waiting for the same thing, so we just kept avoiding each other's eyes.

“So... Are you doing well in the internship?”

“Did you have a good vacation?”

We both formulated our question at the same time, which made our silence even more uncomfortable, we both had a strong argument in the morning and, instead of talking about it, we just asked for trivial things.

“The internship is great, the company is one of the biggest and besides bringing coffees and other things, suddenly they let me into the production rooms, I have managed to give several ideas that have pleased them, apparently they will soon put in a team of composers and then I can get involved a little more and so I can make myself known and they notice that I really have talent" he said with a evident tone of emotion in his voice, I could barely see his face, but I knew that his face had enlightened with that typical gesture of someone who talks about how much he likes something.

"I'm glad you're doing well" I smiled, pressing my lips "Bad it’d have been if you had abandoned us and then failed in everything" I shrugged, and he looked down "It's for the internship that you don’t wear the bunch of piercings in each ear?” I tried to change the subject, realizing that my comment had been a little over the line.

"No, just..." He shrugged. "I'm 25 years old, I don’t think it's convenient to keep acting like I'm still 18" he said softly, rubbing his neck.

“Well... you look good, you look... respectable” I said, wrecking a poor withered leaf on the floor. “You look... different…”

“And you? What have you done in this time?”

“Well... not much really... this condition doesn’t let me do a lot of things” I shrugged, rubbing my baby bump again “And it’s not as if a lot wanted to hire me because of my condition, thank God my boss agreed to let me keep my job, I don’t know what will happen when the babies are born." I sighed again. “You can touch if you want... you know?” I told him, seeing how he didn’t stop seeing my belly “In this moment they are moving like crazy, you will surely feel them” and as if by invocation, Thing 1 took an exceptional turn and, as we both had our eyes fixed on my abdomen, we both saw how the protrusion moved from the top to end down.

“Wow... is that normal?” he exclaimed, opening his eyes disproportionately.

“Yeah, it's quite normal, sometimes the two of them start dancing among themselves or I don’t know... suddenly I have two lumps that I don’t know what it is” I couldn’t help but smile openly, feeling a ray of happiness illuminate my face.

"You look very happy," Jaebum said, trying to hide the bitterness in his voice, his voice still perched on my belly, his left hand had given a slight spasm, as if he wanted to touch “And maybe if they’re dancing, their father is a b-boy after all”

"No, Taehyung is a saxophonist," I said immediately and Jaebum's face darkened "You know perfectly well that I'm right, I don’t want to argue with you again, you completely lost your chance..."

“Have you never heard about second chances?” Jaebum asked, running a hand through his hair and staring into my eyes.

When his eyes were on mine, for a millisecond, when feeling those brown eyes on me again, slanted, exactly with that deep and intimidating look it returned me to when my cheeks turned crimson and my heart accelerated every time our eyes met; for a millisecond all those feelings and sensations returned to me with an unusual force, I felt myself burn, as if I had been given a sudden fever, a fever that had started since our eyes met.

I felt as if my body was acting on its own, I knew that I could feel the change in the air, as if I could feel my own desire and nervousness floating in the air, I knew that Jaebum felt it too, his hand raised, as if trying to touch my face, I felt it very close until...

“OUCH!” I exclaimed loud, almost bending in half when out of nowhere, two heels or two elbows, dug with unusual force in my rib and something close to my liver, or some organ in those areas.

“Youngjae! You're okay?!” I suddenly felt Jaebum next to me, he had jumped the fence and the moment he touched my shoulder, I started laughing at his face of total terror, which was changing to become a grimace of contrariness. “What happened?

"An elbow, heel, arm, hand, leg, knee," I said, still grimacing in pain, rubbing my sore spot. "I'm used to this now, is just that now was too sudden, and I was more focused on other things," I laughed. “Or I guess they found out about my thoughts..." I paused, realizing what I was about to say was a little over the top.

"Maybe they realized you mistreated me." Jaebum finished the sentence for me, deciding to ignore what I had tried to say.

"Or maybe it's just that they're hungry and angry because I haven’t given them any food yet." I shrugged.

“What? Haven’t you had dinner yet?” I shake my head and Jaebum looked at his watch “It's 9:30 at night and you still haven’t eat anything since Taehyung told you he was going to give you a salad?”

“Well... I've stolen food from the line, I think it's been like three mozzarella sticks and a lot of French fries, but I haven’t eaten decently since about one in the afternoon, I'm leaving in two hours, it's not much of a wait now”

“And Taehyung knows that you haven’t eaten?” He asked me, still frowning, I shook my head.

"I don’t plan to speak to him today, I shouldn’t be talking to you either." I pursed my lips and sighed. "I suppose Yugyeom or BamBam made some dinner, or I invite them to eat to bribe them to come for me." I sighed again. I had already gone out too long and had to go back “I have to go back inside…”

“Of course, I also have to go back” Jaebum stuttered.

“It's nice to know that we actually can talk without a fight” I say at the moment of returning his jacket, just before turning around and returning to my last two hours of work, which I expected to be quiet.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t like that, and I spent those last two hours, running (well, rather, walking quickly, swinging like a penguin), filling drinks and carrying food orders, all with two children moving inside me, kicking me too hard when I got the smell of food.

Fortunately, my manager sympathized with my swollen ankles, my waves of intermittent nausea and my bad mood, due to all my discomforts, and he let me go early, or well, relatively early, since I didn’t have to do my closing activities .

Resigned to the fact that I still had a long walk in the middle of the night, since Yugyeom and BamBam never answered my messages, I was almost certain that Taehyung wasn’t coming for me (although I hoped he would surprise me).

And I was surprised, in fact, but not because Taehyung was there, on his white horse as always when I was in trouble, instead, Im Jaebum himself was sitting in the trunk of his spectacular Camaro, with the cap of his sweatshirt on, biting his lip and holding a Starbucks in his hand.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, stopping in my tracks.

"Freeze my ass for pure pleasure," he answered, coming down from the trunk. "Come on." He opened the car door.

"No, thanks," I answered before I realized that I was answering.

“Oh, come on, it's freezing, I don’t think you want to walk, especially after an eight-hour shift with extra weight” he motioned me to come in, I weighed it several seconds, did it really suit me? Was this perhaps one of his strategies to try to get his forgiveness? "I'm not pressing you or anything like that, but I'm really cold," he urged me, I realized that his teeth were chattering, well, point in his favor, it was getting too cold.

I knew it was a very short way, no more than 10 minutes, as we reached our apartments, but even so as soon as the car door was closed, I felt the discomfort emerge as an odorless steam, the last time I had been in that car, Jaebum had left me in the middle of Gangnam, with no way to return.

Jaebum started the car, giving me another Starbucks, which felt hot, which somewhat relieved my icy hands.

"I can’t have coffee," I said quickly, a bit embarrassed.

“Do you want to stop being so negative?” Jaebum winced “t's hot chocolate” he added with a softer tone “And... can you check in the backseat? There is something for the three of you”

I was surprised to turn to the aforementioned place, where there was a strange riot of uniforms and clothes that I didn’t know if it was dirty or someone else's and, under that mess of clothes, there was a box of pizza, as soon as I uncovered the box I noticed that the whole car smelled of pizza and asked myself how it was that I hadn’t noticed the strong smell, was it due to the fact that I had detected first that familiar smell I had smelled in his jacket?

“Do you know how complicated it was to find a pizzeria that accepted that order?” Jaebum began, after a moment that I didn’t say anything “What ...? Don’t you have a craving for that anymore?” he asked, I still didn’t say anything.

“Did you remember exactly what we wanted?” I asked in a broken voice, had opened the box and had discovered that, in effect, it was the pizza of five meats, with sriracha and kimchi on top.

“I had to beg for it, not many people pity even if you tell them it's for a pregnant person” Jaebum shrugged again, although when I looked carefully, he used it to hide that he had blushed a bit and avoided turning to look at me.

"Really, thank you very much," I murmured, taking a slice and biting it, letting out a moan as soon as the food touched my tongue. "I fhink if a lof beffer than what I thouft" I said with my mouth full and Jaebum let out a chuckle when after two more bites, I finished the first slice, letting out more interesting sounds.

“Just as I remembered them” Jaebum said when another moan escaped me, to which I answered with a hit on his shoulder “Oh! Those are also just as I remember them, although I like the others more…”

"Im Jaebum," I said in a serious voice, sipping a piece of rebellious cheese that had been hanging from the corner of my mouth.

"Just joking, eat while we got there," Jaebum told me, smiling reassuringly and returning to face forward.

The next 10 minutes passed in total silence, broken only by the sound that I made chewing the pizza, by the time Jaebum parked in the parking lot of our building, and I only had two slices, but I knew if I ate them I was going to enter in a coma right there in the car.

Jaebum got out and I prepared to go out, taking the pizza box as if it were the most precious thing in my life and, before I even touched the handle of the door, Jaebum had already opened it, I smiled shyly and tried to get out of the car, but it was too low, so when I tried it, I almost went back again, due to the change in my gravitational center, that happened to me more often than I wanted to admit; Jaebum realized this and held out a hand to help me out, which I took fearfully.

Again, my body reacted in ways I didn’t want to, from the moment our hands touched, my heart accelerated, when I got out of the car and felt his body heat towards me and again his eyes rested on mine, I felt a horde of feelings that I thought I had buried.

But simply those feelings couldn’t happen, couldn’t exist again, since, like six months ago, Jaebum didn’t feel the same as me, I was with another person and most importantly, I had to take care not to get hurt again, not for me this time, but for my children.

Although both wanted to ignore and pass unnoticed that uncomfortable moment, the feeling was so strong and palpable that it remained in the form of an uncomfortable silence, which lasted all the way from the parking lot to the entrance of our apartments.

"Thank you very much for... take me home and for the pizza," I stammered, begging the heavens that Jaebum thought my blush was due to the change in temperature.

"No problem, I'd like to do it again, I'm willing to keep doing it." he took a deep breath and squeezed his fists decisively and he threw me another of his looks that made my knees shake. "I just want you to give me another chance, please”

“You know perfectly that I want to try, I want to trust you, with all my being, but I know if I do it one more time and I fail again, it will hurt more, because the fall will be harder, because I’ll turn into a fool for trusting someone who was sure to let me fall once again and, honestly, I don’t think I can stand three failures of the same person, no one could.”

“I know you can’t trust me again overnight, but ... could you try at least?” I bit my lip “I know you don’t feel anything for me, I know it's hard to trust me, because I know perfectly well that my actions weren’t right, neither the night of the party, nor in December when I found out that I was going to be a father, I am also very aware that Taehyung has done many more things better than me, but... I don’t want to lose them... I don’t want that Thing 1 and Thing 2 find out what I did and that it generates a grudge, that makes them feel unwanted, I don’t want to repeat the story again..." He lowered his voice until it became an inaudible whisper "Please..." he asked once more, after clearing his throat, looking at me with infinite supplication in his eyes.

“I'm not going to leave Taehyung, you know that, right?” I finally said, sighing and turning my eyes away from Jaebum, because I knew that if I kept looking at him, my words weren’t going to be as true or as true as I say, “he immediately accepted a responsibility too big, and that's why I owe him too much but I’ll try, I will try to trust that you will be there as you originally promised, just please, please, please, please, don’t go back and ruin things thinking only on you.”

Jaebum tried to smile and shake his head, embarrassed by my words, which created another awkward silence that he didn’t know how to break.

"I must go in now, tomorrow I have classes early and I still have homework to do," I said, very interested in admiring the unzipped ties of my tennis.

“Of course, have a good rest, you three” Jaebum told me, finally looking up “You hair is so long already” he smiled slightly, his hand tucking a lock of hair, which had fallen on my forehead, behind my ear, which made me look up “I like it more how you look like this…” his hand had left my hair and his fingers caressed the skin of my cheek, which reddened after his touch.

The next thing happened so fast in real life, but for me it was as if the world had stopped for a moment, making everything look in slow motion.

His manly hand went from my cheek to my chin and his face approached mine; honestly at that moment I could have left, I honestly knew that this was wrong for many reasons, but even so, I stayed just where I was, my face turning like a sunflower towards him, I closed my eyes at the moment his breath hit against mine.

It had not been a passionate kiss and full of lust and desire, as had been our first kiss, not clumsy and needy as we shared during our one night together, no, this was calm, tender and sweet, yes, his lips were still just as soft as I remembered them, his masculine fragrance flooded my nose and before I could raise my hands up his chest to hold on to his neck, Jaebum pulled away, making that kiss no more than a simple union of lips, but not for that reason my heart had not stirred, my body didn’t ask for more and the flame of desire hadn’t ignited in me.

"Good night, Youngjae," Jaebum told me softly, I noticed that his cheeks were a pale pink, which gave him an almost adorable look that had nothing to do with the concept I had of him, nor with the image that he was projecting at the beginning of last semester.

Perhaps it was the absence of the bunch of metal in his ears and the corners of his lips, perhaps it was that his hair wasn’t completely stylized backwards, if not now with his natural straightness, falling naturally on his forehead giving him a soft look; his gaze no longer tried to intimidate me, nor did his aura radiate that chic and sexy concept.

I realized that maybe I was seeing the real Jaebum.

"Good night," I replied with a trickle of voice, watching him hurry to get into his apartment, going from being slightly flushed to a bright crimson tone.

I didn’t recover my mobility instantly, since my mind was still finishing analyzing everything that had just happened.

We had kissed... and I had given him another chance for him to continue in our lives... he had behaved very nice buying us food and giving me a ride home... and when he lends me his jacket when we were in the yard of our work...

Was all this because he wanted his second chance or because It really born in him? Or was it born because he wanted his second chance? The kiss had been for that same reason? Was he such a good actor as to appear as another person completely?

I wanted to whip my head against the wall until I lost consciousness, all those innumerable thoughts filled my head and made me feel even nauseous, however, I couldn’t perform such action in the middle of the hall, where everyone could see me, as well I decided to go into the apartment once again, to analyze well the fact that almost 12 hours ago I had fought and angry with the same man who had just made me throb with a simple union of lips.

By this time of night I thought that my noisy companions were going to be asleep, or at least lying down, so that I could take a long shower, at least an hour, and reason well everything that happened during the day, so I was really disappointed when I entered the apartment, which was well lit, with Yugyeom sitting on the couch, BamBam reclining on his legs, a very peculiar scene in that room, because that's how they sat on their cell phones, only that this time BamBam seemed to be ugly crying, his face covered in red spots, his eyes swollen and a paper tissue stuck to his runny, Yugyeom looked at him with regret, caressing his hair.

“What the hell happened to you?” I asked, throwing everything on the coffee table, at least this would help me not to think about my own problems for a few moments. The boy opened his mouth to say something but broke into sobs three seconds later “Oh... BamBamie... please... tell me that you’re not …” a Deja vu hit me when it reminded me of when I found out I was pregnant.

“Jackson ... he …” BamBam sobbed and I decided to listen better before jumping to conclusions, knowing BamBam, Jackson couldn’t be pregnant one “I found out that Jackson has been cheating on me with several people, for more than three months” I could understand him between his sobs and bubbling nose.

“Well…” it was the only thing that I managed to say, I had never known what to say in this kind of situations other than: “What a son of a bitch”

“But I have almost two hours telling him that it's not worth being like this, you knew perfectly well that Jackson wasn’t a good catch” Yugyeom told him with a certain tremor in his voice “That this will help you to focus more on people, not only because they're sexy and good in bed” BamBam sobbed harder “Because there’s people with good feelings... that really care about you like…me…” BamBam was too busy sobbing that he did not seem to notice Yugyeom's words but I did, and I give him a look of regret, who keep looking his best friend, giving him the support and comfort he needed, but also silently praying that the Thai would realize his feelings.

That revelation didn’t surprise me, as the course of the last semester, the two of them became like bread and butter, being the perfect combination between follies and adventures, what BamBam didn’t seem to realize, is that Yugyeom used to look at him dreamily, occasionally letting out sighs, thinking that no one would be able to listen to them, I saw him look with regret every time that Jackson was in the apartment and, from this I seemed to be the only one who knew it, that the real reason why Yugyeom left the department every time there seemed to be some action between Jackson and BamBam, it was not to "give them more privacy", as he used to say, but because his heart ached to see the person he had fallen in love with, involved with someone that was not him.

“Oh, Yugy ... is that ... he seemed to be really in love with me, you know, he was proud to have me by his side …” BamBam sobbed again and I saw how Yugyeom's gaze was filled with pain, BamBam hadn’t understood at all his words.

"Yes, he saw you as a prize," the younger added in a low voice, and he signaled to BamBam to get up, "but you are not a prize of flesh, you aren’t someone to be bragged only by your body or by whatever it was that he wanted you by his side” he took his hands between his and decided that I shouldn’t be present at that moment so important to both “The next person who is with you, must be because he loves you as you are, because he loves the way you pronounce words wrong, because he loves even if you spend three hours getting ready, the next person has to be with you because he loves you with all that you are, even with your defects and bad habits” BamBam stared at Yugyeom, as if seeing him in a new light “The next person who is with you must love you because you are you and must love you as I do, because if don’t, they will never completely deserve you…”

After hearing those last words, I decided to quietly retire from the room, after all, the guys didn’t seem to have realized that I was still there.

I closed the door of the room behind me, throwing myself in my bed (BamBam had agreed to change the bed when he realized that I could no longer climb the small ladder without risking me falling on my ass everytime). too many things happened in a single day, and, thanks god, it was finally ending.

I snuggled sideways, not caring to put on my pajamas, my mind had decided to remember how soft Jaebum's lips were on mine and how my whole body had reacted to him, it even seemed that his lips had cast some kind of soothing spell in the twins, because when we were walking I felt them moving here and there, and from that moment I had felt nothing, as if they had remained peacefully asleep after a busy day, as if Jaebum's lips were all they needed.

I shook my head to push away those thoughts and turned to the other side, feeling a slight pain in my temple, hoping to fall asleep quickly because, the longer I was awake, the more I was going to get confused.

Fortunately, I began to fall asleep just when I heard a muffled moan coming from the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all let us give a big applause for Chocopieyj, because if this hadn't been translated by her, it would have taken another week for me to update (ugh...you have no idea how lazy I get to translate more than 10 pages)
> 
> So...this is basically how I want to start to redeem Jaebum, let me remind you again that this is 2jae!! 
> 
> And...I don't know...maybe some spoilers? idontknowmaybeinthenextchapterwehavesomesmutandsomemarkjinsurprisesbutimnotsureyet
> 
> I won't rant today to much, I just have a petition to ask CAN SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE A COVER PHOTO FOR ME?! I really want to put one in this, as it is my biggest baby(?) but I suck at it (I'm a nurse with a HUUUGE lack of creativity when it comes to manual labor, or decorating or stuff), so...maybe one of you are willing to donate your artwork for me??????? PLEEAAASEEEE
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think, it's always a pleasure to hear from you (other than you hurrying me to update more...you know...that doesn't encourage me at all, well...a bit xD) 
> 
> Still, I don't promise a fast update, I have to work on my Profesional Exam (a test in which I present my thesis and defend it and say why I am the shit and stuff...but I'm not the shit and I have NOTHING done), so, I'm going to take a small break in writing in general, be back by December, maybe. 
> 
> AAAAANYYWAYYYYS
> 
> See you in the comments! :3 If you're new in this, welcome! and if you're still here even after all my delays...welcome back again!!! :D -I just realized I've been writing this for two years now...but we are near the end!- (honestly, I don't know what I am going to do after this ends....maybethemarkjinthingitoldyouearlierbutshhhitsasecret)
> 
> thank you 
> 
> BAAAAAAAAAAAIII

**Author's Note:**

> I have 5 already written chapters, I shall upload once chapter per week (every thursday) and I hope I can manage to write some more before I ran out of chapters. (English is not my first language so I have to write all in spanish, then translate and stuff) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I love comments! please let me know what you think!  
> I know, Taehyung and Youngjae...like what...but I just love V so much I had to have him in one of my stories cofcofeventhoughheisgoingtosuffercofcof
> 
> Don't forget to comment!


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